Otoya Yamaguchi

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Otoya Yamaguchi
Born February 22, 1943
Died November 2, 1960 (aged 17)
Nationality: Jap  
Highscore Killed 1, only target
Top 50? No
Style Single player Hack ‘N’ Slash
An Hero? Yes, 3 weeks later in prison


Prince Otoya Yamaguchi was a 17-year-old Japanese right-wing ultranationalist and samurai who after recognizing the evils of communism and the then-forseeable commie takeover of Japan, became one of the greatest samurais to ever live, when he, on the 12th of October 1960, assassinated and cucked the Chairman of the Japan Socialist Party, Inejirō Asanuma, by teleporting a sword into his rib cage.

Background

Young Otoya was an intelligent young lad and read many books and newspapers. He was angered whist reading about Japanese politics and related towards far-right groups and felt a hatred towards politicians. When he was 16, he heard a speech by right-wing ultranationalist Bin Akao declaring that Japan was on the verge of a lefty revolution, and that the youth of Japan must begin resisting the actions of left-wing groups. Inspired, Otoya joined the Greater Japan Patriotic Party and engaged in some protests, but he knew that words don’t always work and he needed to go the extra mile to save Japan.

Assassination of Inejirō Asanuma


   
 
You, Inejirō Asanuma, are planning to turn Japan red. Although I bear no grudge against you as an individual, for the stances you have taken in your role as leader of the Socialist Party, for the outrageous statement you made when you visited China, and for the responsibility you bear for the intrusion into the National Diet, I cannot grant you forgiveness. I shall hereby become the instrument that brings down heaven's judgment upon you.
 

 
 

—A note in Otoya’s pocket, he has such a way with words

Day 12 of the 10th month of the 2,620th year of imperial rule (12th of October, 1960) was supposed to be like any normal day for the commies in Japan. In attempt to brainwash more people, the Japan Socialist Party held a televised election debate which 2,500 spectators would attend. (including a ninja, hidden in plain sight)

At 3:00 p.m., the fatfuck Chairman of the Japan Socialist Party, Inejirō Asanuma stood up to give a gay speech that only subhumans would care about. We don’t know Japanese, so we can’t be certain what Inejirō’s speech was about but whatever it was, it enraged our crusader Otoya. In an act of sheer unbreakable courage and bravery and one of the greatest moments in broadcast television history, our warrior teleported behind the politician and whispered “For honour.” and sucker-stabbed the commie as his thick dork glasses hilariously flew off of his head.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Wakizashi
  • Weapon of choice of a true samurai, warrior and hero. Cuts through commie ribcages with ease.
  • Spell: Jap
  • 2x Damage against communists, Chinese, Koreans, and East Asian generally.
  • Spell 2: Samurai
  • 2x moving speed, 2x stabbing speed

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 20/20 Killed his only target
Accuracy: 20/20 Directly into the ribcage of a commie
Style: 20/20 Lone banzai charge like his ancestors.
Butthurt: 50/20 Lots of bawwing from commiefags, crippled the Japanese Communist Party forever.
Bonus: 20/20 Successful an hero a few weeks later
Total Score: 130/100 (S)
Seven lives for my country! Long live the emperor!
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Police Force


Aftermath

A couple of weeks later, while confined to a juvenile prison, Otoya wrote a note praising the Imperial Emperor with toothpaste on his cell wall then hung himself with his own bedsheet from a light fixture, thus becoming 切腹. Some argue that Otoya's choice to attack a politican vocally opposed to a common nemesis—The Jewnited States of Americunts—was the result of his own retarded right-wing sensibilities, which rendered him an unwitting tool of his nation's occupiers.

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In Chronological Order


399BC: First recorded troll-banning
0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL
571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed
600: Blood orgies
1077: Invention of the meme archive
1100: DEUS VULT!
1337: Start of the Hundred Years War
1492: The Americas are culturally enriched
1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic
1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism.
1789: The beret is mightier than the crown
1801: Invention of the Triforce
1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image
1865: End of the Nigger Market
1877: Trolling world record broken
1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz
1914: World War 1
1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting
1939: World War 2
1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen
1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman
1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea)
1955: America gets BTFO
1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered
1963: CIA did JFK
1987: First televised An Hero
1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco
1999: Counter Strike played IRL
2000: End of teh world due to computer errors.
2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC
2004: ED founded
2005: Katrina and 7/7
2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters
2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened
2013: ISIS founded
2015: Paris Attacks
2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.)
2017: Country music is back
2019: First livestreamed kebab removal
2022: The First Machine learning Chatbot just released.

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