Tyler Dumstorf
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—Tyler Dumstorf | ||
On June 19th 2007, an hero was born. His name was Harry Potter Tyler Dumstorf, a Floyd Central High School honors student and convicted pot head who liked mind-blowingly shitty music. He was arguing with his mom about the highlighter in his ass and after several hours, she called the police to give him a nice talking to. Frightened by the possibility of having all his weed taken away and smoked by a bunch of niggers in the police department, Tyler loaded his dad's long and sturdy WWII-era M1 Garand whilst distracting the visitors with donuts and handjobs. He then shot both cops in the back, because he was an Sniper: One was totally pwned, the other seriously wounded. Tyler then logged onto MySpace, posted, "I just killed two cops. Goodbye." and became An hero of epic proportions. On his MySpace people are too retarded to realize dead people can't see the messages they leave. On a lulzy note, Tyler has received moar comments dead than alive.
4chan was immediately informed and his MySpace was posted, with predictable results.
'Tis a loser
Tyler's MySpace adds lulz to the equation for many reasons:
1. His last comment before he pwned two po-pos was "you faggit stoner", left by some AZN.
2. His profile is absent of any comment of a female.
3. He has 1 friend of the female, and she may really be Hitler.
4. He's aggressive.
POT?!?!
In the aftermath of such stupidity, it is clear that these events never had to transpire if this terrorist/hippie/dipshit had been properly punished for smoking marijuana, by giving him hookers and blow instead.
Prevention
Stupid hicks often become violent and erratic when police are involved. That's because every person who has upstanding morals is also related to a police officer, soldier, or firefighter and therefore must prove how large their man-handle truly is.
What have we learned?
MySpace
In addition, a "memorial MySpace" was created by a 4chan user who sent friend requests to Tyler's IRL friends, adding to the lulz. It used to be here. But the man at MySpace removed it because it created far too much lulz.
Upon receiving a friend request, one of Tyler's friends replied with this:
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
- How many people did Tyler's father kill?
-1, he shot (and killed) the Sheriff but he did not kill the Deputy.
- What ammunition was Tyler using (it penetrated bulletproof vests)
-M1 Garands are chambered in .30-06 Springfield, and any loading in that caliber (and pretty much any rifle caliber) can penetrate soft body armor with ease.
- \ Why didn't Tyler's father teach him the first rule of a sharpshooter: Never point a gun or discharge it at any other living being? Exceptions come to furries, emos, fags, hippies, communists, niggers, ragheads, gookers, gingers, vtech students, your mom, Paris Hilton and Jews in general since they were all asking for it.
- Did anyone attempt a barrel roll?
-Obviously not since both men were shot
- Was he a NWA fan?
-He more then likely enjoyed the musical stylings of both NWA and Eazy E which he enjoyed in his many hours smoking Weed and FUCK DA POLICE!!!!!
- Was it possible that someone beat his Gears of War score seconds/minutes/hours/100 years before the incident?
-It is known that he began playing GoW with a fellow classmate fairly close to his death, possible link?
- Were video games to blame?! (What an hero incident would be complete without blaming video games?)
- What did Jack Thompson say?
- Which of Tyler's friends will finish the job and take care of the seriously wounded cop?
- Was it done for the lulz? And if not, was it at least done for great justice?
- Who did WTC?
- Were any tits shown before he GTFO?
- WHO WAS ANONYMOUS WOMAN?!1/11!?
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 2/20 Scored the same as Couch Cuck. |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 10/20 Insta-killed one; the other took a while to die. |
| Style: | 10/20 Lulzy suicide note. |
| Butthurt: | 15/20 4chan got involved. |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Police-only bonus. |
Wanted Level:
Police Force
See Also:
External Links:
His MySpace - 
(archive)- The Article - (archive)
- GEARS OF WAR TRAINED HIM TO KILL DA PO-LEEECE! - (archive)
- archived original thread - (archive)
- Tyler Dumstorf on Find a Grave
- Obituary & guestbook
| Tyler Dumstorf is part of a series on Dying Alone
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| Featured article July 2, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by Dustin Diamond |
Tyler Dumstorf | Succeeded by 4th of July |
