Jason Dalton
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BREAKING NEWS!! Yet another spree shooting! Time for more media sensationalizing and gun control debates! |
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|---|---|
| Jason Brian Dalton | |
| Nationality: | Americunt 
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| Highscore | Killed 6, injured 2 |
| Top 50? | lol no |
| Style | Single player |
| An Hero? | Sadly, no |
It was the night of the South Carolina primaries when fat fuck and 100% professional driver Jason Dalton sought out the High Score in the town of Kalamazoo, Michigan on February 19-20, 2016. The soon-to-be-declared-mentally-ill 45 year old managed to frag 6 people and injure 2 others in 3 separate shooting locations before being caught by police. Without a spectacular an hero, Dalton will soon be spending an eternity in prison getting buttfucked by Bubba.
Background
Born on June 22, 1970, Dalton was described as a "happy-go-lucky guy" that had no criminal background. More importantly, he was an Uber driver that by 2016 was also working as an insurance salesman. People in the Kalamazoo area said he was "friendly, but definitely a little over-friendly" He was also described with the "quiet nice guy" that seems a little too common with mass shooters. Dalton was also married and had two worthless sons.
The shootings
On February 19, Dalton began his bloodlust by shooting at a woman getting out of her car near an apartment complex, injuring her with a perfect ass shot. Like the absolute madman he was, Dalton began to pick up Uber customers and drive them around town for over 3 hours before driving to a Kia dealership. A family was looking at cars just before the dealership was closed when Dalton opened fire on them, fragging the father and his 17 year old son. At this point, Dalton was pretty hungry so he decided to go to Cracker Barrel and get some of that pancake goodness. Upon his arrival, he was assaulted by 5 Killer Grannies. Dalton in an act of pure self-defense shot them all dead save for one that was almost raped. Soon after, the piggies pulled him over and arrested him without confrontation. In conclusion, we at Encyclopedia Dramatica give him a 4 star Uber rating, knocking one because he ran a red light.
Graded score
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kills: | 6/20 |
| Accuracy: | 17/20 6 kills and 2 injuries |
| Style: | 20/20 Delivered Uber customers in between shootings |
| Butthurt: | 16/20 News networks covered the primaries and not the massacre |
| Bonus: | 14/20 |
| Total score: 73/100 (C-) | |
Wanted Level:
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Police Force
See also
External links
| Featured article February 28 & 29, 2016 | ||
| Preceded by Jenny Mcdermott |
Jason Dalton | Succeeded by Truth-Lely-Gaia |
