Emma Jones
Emma Jones was once your average British woman in the Middle East: prim, proper, and forever maintaining the necessary degree of vigilance lest an unwashed Arab grab her kicking and screaming off the street for a little multicultural surprise sex. Employed in the noble (if futile) practice of trying to teach Arab children to speak English rather than their godless jib-jab moonspeak, the twenty-four year old seemed to be making the best of a bad situation in Abu Dhabi... right up to the point where one of her co-workers searched for her on Failbook.
Little did Emma Jones know, she was about to be trolled to death.
N00ds? In MY United Arab Emirates?
It seems that before she got on a plane to Camelsville, Emma had broken up with IT consultant Jamie Brayley. Being a responsible grown-up, Jamie reacted with what would usually be an unremarkable response for a man in his position: upload all the noods of his ex that he could get his hands on to The Internets, specifically Facebook.
When pwnt in this manner, most women go down the same predictable route: first BAWWWWWW, then a botched attempt at DMCA, followed by allegations that the ex almost raped them, and finally, acceptance that they have been put in their rightful place. Given that she was in Dubai, however, made the whole thing more dangerous for Emma Jones, because Muslim countries tend to take a more old-fashioned attitude to these sorts of things.
How do I avoided jail?
The images were brought to young Emma's attention at work one day, when a colleague casually stuffed a handful of Jew gold down her blouse and inquired about the going rate for a blowjorb. Because the only women in Sandniggerland who have anything under their burkas are prostitutes (right?), the mere existence of n00ds makes one a whore under UAE law! The punishment? Well, rape, obviously; and then prison. Undoubtedly followed by a lot moar rape.
She couldn't flee the country, because Abu Dhabi's 1337 camel-mounted police force would surely have it as top priority to hunt her down and stop her at the airport. What other choice, then? A sensible person might have calmed down, and decided that at worst a jaunt to the embassy to consult an attorney at lol may have been in order. But no. The daft cunt decided that the best solution was a final one, and chugged a bottle of drain cleaner.
What did we learn, children?
Sadly, this means the sandnigger children will not learn to English. But for the average slovenly netizan, there is at least one time-honored lesson to be derived from this moderately lulzy episode:
External Links
| Emma Jones is part of a series on  The British |
The Pride of Britain [+] Ainsley Harriott ♦ Allan Bell ♦ Baby P ♦ Ben Moynihan ♦ Ben Vodden ♦ HeavyBassX ♦ CheekyBen ♦ Dangasm ♦ David Mudkips ♦ Derrick Bird ♦ Emma Jones ♦ Georgia Varley ♦ Gordon Ramsay ♦ Heather Howland ♦ Jack the Ripper ♦ Jade Goody ♦ Jake Davison ♦ Jake Roberts ♦ Joe Blackburn ♦ Joshwa Plastic ♦ Katie Hopkins ♦ Kurtbatz ♦ Laura Talbot ♦ Lee Rigby ♦ Madeleine McCann ♦ Mary Bell ♦ Max Gogarty ♦ Michael Ryan ♦ OldDirtyBtard ♦ Peter Bright ♦ Purple Aki ♦ RandomDCE ♦ Raoul Moat ♦ Richard Dawkins ♦ Richard Reid ♦ Roger Waters ♦ Russell Brand ♦ Sam Leeson ♦ Samuel Collingwood Smith ♦ Shannon Matthews ♦ Sophie Lancaster ♦ Stephen Fry ♦ Stephen Hawking ♦ SUPERCOOLWILLOW ♦ Susan Boyle ♦ Thomas Hamilton ♦ Totalbiscuit ♦ Snaisy |
|---|---|
Our Rich Cultural Heritage [+] Abbey Road ♦ The Bayeux Tapestry ♦ BBC Radio 4 ♦ BBC ♦ Britain's Got Talent ♦ Buck Bumble ♦ The Daily Fail ♦ Doctor Who ♦ English ♦ Fifty Shades Of Grey ♦ The Gorillaz ♦ The Guardian ♦ Hannah Bond ♦ Harry Potter ♦ Have I Got News For You ♦ Jack Sparrow ♦ Lord of the Rings ♦ Neil Gaiman's Sandman ♦ Nigger (Dog) ♦ Sir Billi ♦ Redwall ♦ Top Gear ♦ V for Vendetta ♦ The Young Ones ♦ Zero Punctuation
| |
Jolly Good Times [+] 6 BONG ♦ B3ta ♦ Bane ♦ Britchan ♦ Charlie Bit Me - Again! ♦ Chavs ♦ ChavScum ♦ Cheeky Nando's ♦ ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT? ♦ English Scum ♦ Keep Calm and Carry On ♦ Kersal Massive ♦ London 2012 Olympics ♦ Mornington Crescent ♦ Operation Yewtube ♦ I'm in Me Mum's Car ♦ Scousers ♦ Shanespannercock♦ U WOT M8 ♦ UK Lootfest 2011 ♦ Wank ♦ | |
Politics [+] Nigel Farage ♦ Baroness Warsi ♦ Boris Johnson ♦ Brexit ♦ British CSA Inquiry ♦ Cyril Smith ♦ David 'Dave' Cameron ♦ Ed Balls ♦ Gideon 'George' Osborne ♦ Gordon Brown ♦ Guy Fawkes ♦ William Hague ♦ Jacqui Smith ♦ Jeremy Corbyn ♦ John Major ♦ Margaret Thatcher ♦ Nick Clegg ♦ Nick Griffin ♦ Princess Diana Spencer ♦ The Royal Family ♦ Tony Blair ♦ The Conservative Party ♦ Winston Churchill | |
The United Kingdom [+] Birmingham Pagan Community ♦ The An Heroes of Bridgend ♦ Waitrose♦ England ♦ London ♦ Northern Ireland♦ Scotland ♦ Wales Ungrateful Bastard Children: America ♦ Ausfailia ♦ India ♦ Ireland ♦ New Zealand ♦ Nigeria ♦ Soviet Canuckistan ♦ South Africa |
