Ted Bundy

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Super Ted.
He did it for the lulz.


   
 
I'm the most cold-blooded sonofabitch you'll ever meet.
 

 
 

—Ted Bundy, being an Internet tough guy in the days before the Internet.

Ted Bundy (born Theodore Robert Cowell; November 24, 1946 – January 24, 1989) was the greatest fucking hero to men on earth sent by God to show you dumb-ass bitches a valuable lesson in life, since it's a well known fact that you women are the inferior gender and deserve to be victimized and disposed of for being the promiscuous, stupid whores you are.

After more than a decade of denials he confessed shortly before his execution to thirty homicides committed in seven states between 1974 and 1978; the true total remains unknown, and could be much higher.

The reign of Ted Bundy should never be forgotten, as his epic tirade against niggers has been constantly researched and acknowledged by troubled men everywhere. Some examples of men doing the world a favor are Richard Ramirez, John Allen Mohammed, David Berkowitz, Scott Peterson and many fucking more.

Crimes

There is no definitive consensus on when and where Bundy began killing women. It is thought that he began killing as a form of revenge against women, after having been friendzoned by a woman he was interested in, since most of his victims somewhat resembled the woman in question. Such similarities included, but were not limited to, having two legs, two eyes, teeth and, most importantly, hair parted in the middle, which Bundy had a massive boner for.

Bundy told different stories to different people, and he refused to divulge the specifics of his earliest crimes, even as he confessed dozens of later murders in the days preceding his execution. Some circumstantial evidence suggests that he abducted and killed an 8-year-old Tacoma girl in 1961 when he was fourteen years old, an allegation he denied repeatedly. Bundy committed his earliest documented homicides in 1974 when he was 27. By then he had (by his own admission) mastered the skills needed to leave minimal incriminating evidence at a crime scene. There is alot of proof out there that some nigger did the murders. Then the Jews framed Bundy as they thought they could blame whites for crime.

Modus Operandi

Ted, eyeing up the ladies.

Bundy was a fucking sexy man and scored more pussy than you would ever dream of getting. He was handsome and charismatic, traits he exploited in winning the confidence of his young, attractive female victims. He typically approached them in public places and feigned injury or disability, or impersonated an authority figure, before overpowering and assaulting them at a more secluded location. He sometimes revisited his secondary crime scenes for hours at a time, grooming and performing sexual acts with the decomposing corpses until putrefaction and destruction by wild animals made further interaction impossible. He decapitated at least four victims and kept the severed heads in his apartment for a period of time as mementos. On a few occasions he simply broke into dwellings in the dead of night and bludgeoned victims as they slept.

Capture, Escape, Recapture, Escape Again, Recapture, Execution

Initially charged in Utah in 1975 and convicted of aggravated kidnapping and attempted criminal assault, Bundy became linked to a progressively longer list of unsolved homicides in multiple states. Facing murder charges in Colorado, he engineered two dramatic escapes, and committed at least three additional murders and several violent assaults in Florida before his ultimate recapture in 1978. Failing to acknowledge that had been doing humanity a favor and those women were asking for it, prosecutors gave him three death sentences in two separate trials for the three known Florida homicides, before sending him off to Ol' Sparky.


   
 
I'd like you to give my love to my family and friends.
 

 
 

—Bundy's last words. Classy to the end.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 35/20 35+ Kills in a 4 year period
Accuracy: 20/20 Left almost zero evidence behind the scenes of his murders
Style: 20/20 Knew how to put women in their place
Butthurt: 21/20 Still the most well known serial killer in history
Bonus: 999,999,999,999/20 A literal legend
Total Score: ∞/100 (S+++++)
The greatest man who's ever lived
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

GOD


Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Bundy's Fangirls

I love you too, ladies

In the months leading up to his execution, Bundy received countless letters from female admirers, wishing to make love to the violent serial killing rapist, one of the most infamous of which was Ayn Rand. Then again, this is more than you've ever got. Maybe if you murdered hundreds of women, girls would like you too. Go on, it'll be easy. There's plenty of knives in the kitchen drawer. Go on. The blood must flow.

DO IT FAGGOT.

GOTTA FEED BLOOD TO TO THESE VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!! MOMMY.. YOU WILL HAVE TO GO FIRST, MUM! THEN THE LITTLE SCHOOL CHILDREN WILL BE NEXT, THIS IS A MISSION FROM JESUS!!!

See Also



Ted Bundy is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

Single Player Amateur Division

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Civilization and Great Prophets

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

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Ted Bundy

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People]


In Chronological Order


399BC: First recorded troll-banning
0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL
571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed
600: Blood orgies
1077: Invention of the meme archive
1100: DEUS VULT!
1337: Start of the Hundred Years War
1492: The Americas are culturally enriched
1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic
1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism.
1789: The beret is mightier than the crown
1801: Invention of the Triforce
1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image
1865: End of the Nigger Market
1877: Trolling world record broken
1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz
1914: World War 1
1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting
1939: World War 2
1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen
1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman
1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea)
1955: America gets BTFO
1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered
1963: CIA did JFK
1987: First televised An Hero
1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco
1999: Counter Strike played IRL
2000: End of teh world due to computer errors.
2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC
2004: ED founded
2005: Katrina and 7/7
2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters
2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened
2013: ISIS founded
2015: Paris Attacks
2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.)
2017: Country music is back
2019: First livestreamed kebab removal
2022: The First Machine learning Chatbot just released.

Ted Bundy is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron AlexisAdam LanzaAlex HribalAlyssa BustamanteAnthony WarnerAudrey HaleBruce Jeffrey PardoCasey AnthonyCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDylan KleboldDylann Storm RoofEric HarrisGerry McCannJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason RodriguezJeff WeiseJiverly VoongJoe StackJosef FritzlLaaiti EkenstéenMark EssexMartin BryantMatthew de GroodMatthew MurrayMatti SaariMaurice ClemmonsPekka-Eric AuvinenRaoul MoatRichard SpeckRobert HawkinsTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTJ LaneTyler PetersonWade Michael PageWoo Bum-kon

Career/Serial Killers:

Academy ManiacsAdolf HitlerCharles MansonChris BenoitDnepropetrovsk ManiacsDubyaJack the RipperJeffrey DahmerMao ZedongRichard "The Iceman" KuklinskiTed Bundy

Terrorists:

Al QaedaAnders Behring BreivikAnderson Lee AldrichAnton Lundin PetterssonDzhokhar TsarnaevElliot RodgerGeorge SodiniManiacs Murder CultMark EssexNidal Malik HasanOsama bin LadenTamerlan TsarnaevTed Kaczynski

See also:

Antisocial personality disorderJewsMurderParanoid personality disorderPittsburgh Paint JobPolice BrutalitySick fuck


Article of the Now February 19 and 20, 2024
Preceded by
Lesbian
Ted Bundy Succeeded by
Fancy Macelli