Uncle Grandpa
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The staff for this show all have Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Uncle Grandpa is potentially one of the worst, most aspie-inspired shows ever to hit Cartoon Network's airwaves. Made by Peter Browngardt, combining autistic direction plus unlikable douches for characters plus animation that makes Nickelodeon look passable and clean enough to get the OCD stamp of approval, and you have a ripe recipe for nuclear-grade cow shit. Featuring a cast of a grandpa, a Godzilla clone, a piece of pizza, a tiger on loan from Google Images, and plots that make less sense than your own grandpa's strengthening senility, along with their upcoming attempt to cross over with another CN show to crush their potential and their wallets, you'll be lucky if their stupidity doesn't leave your kid with nightmares of a random mustached grandpa screaming "good morning" while ravaging their ass with a spiked strap-on. Uncle Grandpa will make sure you hate mornings with his damn "good morning" catchphrase every time he makes his presence known. They also sometimes get their kicks with making fun of Cartoon Network's other shows, saying that they are better than all of that shit while the opposite holds true, and just gives the show a USI complex, thinking they're the god of comedy when they're really not even worthy of being the god of comedy's toilet.
The Main Aspie Cast
Uncle Grandpa - The show's equivalent of God. Known for dividing by zero on a daily basis and fucking shit up that doesn't need to be fucked up or needs just a simple solution. Need a bigger shirt to fit your beer gut? He'll call his pet Godzilla to tear your old one to pieces and eat it, and give you a new shirt that transports you to Werewolf Twilight Land, and that was just one of the adventures in the PILOT. Always hangs out with kids and tries to "help them out" while he's not trying to get them killed.
Belly Bag - A sentient fanny pack that stores Uncle Pedo's hammerspace of sex toys and makes sure to give him his nightly revenge dickings for all the shit it gets put through. Cements UG's gay nature as no respected man should wear a fanny pack at all.
Mr. Gus - A depressed, emo lizard man that never smiles and is always forced to go with Uncle Grandpa on their rape adventures. The Internet Tough Guy of the group if not for his chronic depression. Mr. Gus is also Pizza Steve's bitch. Tries to commit suicide every night to escape the pain, but can't cause he's pretty much a dragon.
Pizza Steve - Gives the insult "pepperoni face" new meaning. The daredevil of the group that always wants to prove he has balls, but since's he's a fucking piece of pizza, that's impossible. So he keeps making up blatant lies to give his unfulfilled life some meaning. Confirmed eaten and dead based on the ending on the SU crossover, any future appearance will be by his un-resting spirit that just won't go the fuck away.
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger - Uncle Grandpa's pet and everyone's fuck-doll when they don't have a kid to diddle. Borrowed from Google Images and Photoshop because Cartoon Network's budget was only 2 dollars and the secretary's shit pie. People are already shipping this thing with the Steven Universe lion.
Also Known as Cartoon Network's Death Knell
When Cartoon Network drones get on their pot breaks, they talk about plenty of things. They talk about how bad they wish to fuck up Teen Titans, they talk about wanting to get people to hate new reboots of Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry. This time, they squeezed out a drop of creativity by coming up with a brilliant idea. To actually make a new show, how hard could it be? However, after they looked at the most disgusting cartoon ever made, "Secret Mountain Fort Awesome", they said fuck it, let's make a spinoff of that obviously successful 2-season show with a pedophilic uncle who's also a grandpa and has random sex adventures with his pet blow-up tiger doll clipped from Google Images.
And thus, Uncle Grandpa was sharted out of everyone's collective ass in unison for the kiddies to eat up like it was Thanksgiving. With random skits from a teddy bear and hotdog talking about preschool-esque garbage to random crap that happens in the RV that doesn't involve everyone's favorite child-fiddler, on top of so much logic breaking and directionless plotting, it's clear it was made by aspies, FOR aspies. This is the shit that might as well have inspired the retard child theme for the show "Clarence" about a chubby, lower-middle-class dumbass with his friends Gollum and Cube-Head the "nice guy". Do the right thing and just switch the channel as soon as you hear the first "good morning".
Believe it or not, this crockpot of ass got an Emmy for an episode that just should be called "Nightmare Fuel" plain and simple and is renewed for a second season. So remember kids, if you make a spinoff show involving a kid-touching uncle and his gang of imaginary cunts with poor direction like a half-blind cheetah with dysentery looking for a bush to shit in, you'll get yourself an Emmy at the snap of a finger. It's that easy!
Some of Uncle Pedo's Adventures
- Making a fatass a bigger T-shirt that transports him and UG to a place where werewolves threatened to eat them.
- Sending a USI-suffering kid to an alternate space dimension, traumatizing him at the end.
- Attempting to defeat a Weird Al floating head by not laughing at the thing that's funnier than them.
- Getting some mustache cream to stop said mustache from destroying the world.
- Helping a girl get her driver's license by riding Uncle Pedo to stop a crazy baby.
- Eating a person's diorama then making him go to Egypt to get a real mummy that ends up wanting to kill them. Then beating the mummy by eating him and having the kid and UG almost kiss.
- Helping someone beat their fear of the dark by subjecting them to nightmare fuel. In the dark. This is the episode that got the Emmy, by the way.
- Helping their pet Godzilla get out of shorts 8 sizes too small for him.
- Controlling a person's brain to make them good at video games.
- Collaborating with Shaq when he wasn't relevant for 20+ years.
- Helping a Japanese kid make a monster movie. If you still haven't thought of Gus as Godzilla yet...
- Gets a punk wannabe kid to make an episode because of a contest. He ends up almost killing them. Almost.
- Pulling a Bill and Ted by trying to return pants to the right time period. How truly exciting.
- Sending Pizza Steve to the moooooooooooooooooon!
- Cheering up his fanny pack after it blew him too many times.
- Stopping someone that actually knows what they're doing from helping people because apparently only he is allowed to solve their problems.
- Getting a grounded kid back home by giving them more nightmare fuel. We actually see his mind break here this time from the trauma.
- Going on a quest to kill someone that didn't like his shitty Youtube video. Srsly.
- Saving more kids from dying in his sentient haunted RV that he invited them into.
- Force a kid to laugh at his non-humor when she doesn't laugh. That kid was the only sane person in the entire show.
- Panicking at being on a broken escalator, cause people just can't climb stairs anymore.
- Proving that if you need to get out of a shitload of parking tickets, just win a basketball game.
- Getting memory loss from being a lazy cunt and not taking out the trash due to having no wimmins in his life.
- The sentient fanny pack finally calls it quits and leaves Uncle Pedo to get his CP by himself, which he fails at.
- Having a regretful Andrew W.K. host a party in the RV.
- Trying to kill Steven Universe with death rays and bazookas and bees to get his powers to work right, forcing the Crystal Gems to murder him for great justice.
Later, we'll see him try to cross over to every single fucking Cartoon Network show ever, even ones that existed way before his time to slap every nostalgia-tard in the face with a well-placed pimp hand. When he visits Clarence he will exercise the Devil out of Gilben and the two will individually and personally threeway Clarence and his associates one by one.
Shorts
Shorts fill up the time slot in each episode of Uncle Grandpa, and there's a shit-ton of 'em. These only exist because the developers believed that the main plot of each episode just wasn't enough. Below are some of the biggest fuck-ups:
Slice of Life with Pizza Steve
A completely unnecessary short that documents Pizza Steve's faggotry as if anyone who watched this show wasn't aware of that already. The only notable thing the audience will learn from this mini-series is that Pizza Steve's crust is drying out from a lack of sexual intercourse.
Tiger Talk
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger becomes Oprah Winfrey and communicates through a series of "roars" with other main characters. Sometimes the Tiger does cooking with Frankenstein, which is basically a third-person animated HowToBasic replica. Exactly how this is supposed to generate any kind of humor, is questionable.
New Experiences with Beary Nice and Hot Dog Person
This short tells the story of a sadistic, pressurizing bear ironically named "Beary Nice", and a hopeless oversized dildo creatively named "Hot Dog Person". Beary Nice will encourage Hot Dog Person to try "new experiences" with reassurance that said experience will be gratifying. The catch is that Hot Dog Person is the most unfortunate bastard in history, and happens to witness the worst outcome of every situation. Every episode consists of Hot Dog Person screaming in agony and pleading for the end of his life while Beary Nice is totally oblivious to his companion's suffering, because that's hilarious right? So far, the injuries Hot Dog Person has sustained include, but are not limited to:
- A bee sting on his tongue.
- Being served as a meal in a hawk's nest.
- Washing up in some punk's imagination. This gentleman's imagination is the result of spending way too much time browsing Pain Series, thus pulverizing Hot Dog Person's sanity.
- Having his entire body being cut-up into tiny bite-size pieces while trying to get a haircut.
- Getting redirected to a terrorism website and managing to launch missiles over everywhere in the World that has Jews, which explodes the whole Earth. Stupid fuck should have used AdBlocker...
- Being forced to bathe in the fucking toilet.
Xarna: She-Warrior of the Apocalypse
A really boring short about some bitch on steroids who is on a quest for gas. 'Nuff said.
Evil Wizard
Tries to do evil things to people. Ends up doing the exact opposite (tries to ruin someone's life, only to let them find $120 dollars on the sidewalk). Basically a comical villain tryhard.
Moments in History with Mr. Gus
Mr. Gus recounts the most historical events of mankind, such as the American Revolution, the Civil War, World War II, Chernobyl, and Columbine.
Secret Mountain Fort Awesome
Sadly, Uncle Grandpa isn't the only cartoon Pete Browngardt has infected children's television with. Unimaginably, there is actually a show that exists which is worse than Uncle Grandpa, and its name is Secret Mountain Fort Awesome. This God-awful creation is the depraved heap of shit that existed on Cartoon Network before Uncle Grandpa. It may have only lasted two seasons, but the show was one of the biggest influences on the degradation of CN.
The show itself is about five sickeningly retarded monsters named "Disgustoids" who live inside an underground mountain and ruin the lives of the human population.
Characters
- Festro - A purple, Hulk-like monster who is the boss of the Disgustoids. He has a tattoo fetish and likes to rape his "bros" every day.
- Gweelok - A green ball of acne and sperm, that has two arms and no feet. He is obsessed with technology and is usually seen on the computer browsing /b/.
- Slog - Token Jew character, and a total fuckwit who's too lazy to give a shit about anything. He always speaks loudly and only ever asks obvious questions, mostly, "Wat r we gonna dooooooo?!?!1"
- Fart - A giant, muscular monster literally made out of asses. "Fart" is the sensitive member of the group, who always offers advice whenever his fuckbuddies are in trouble, but he is always ignored anyway. He "farts" whenever he speaks or is touched, and his voice always sounds like some ASMR/Hipster bullshit.
- Dingle - A blue, anorexic monster with ADHD, who got so high on crack that he is only capable of speaking incomprehensible babble. For whatever reason, everyone in the group can understand what he is saying, and apparently he is always right with everything.
For fucks sake, do yourself a favor and never watch this show. Same advice for Uncle Grandpa.
Gallery
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Original concept art. -
Actual screenshot from an episode. -
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Average fanart. -
Ass. -
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See Also
- Pedophile
- Cartoon Network
- Aspie
- Clarence - The only thing worse than this.
- Steven Universe - Its butt-buddy
- Star vs. the Forces of Evil - The butt-buddy's own butt buddy
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Not to be confused with Animu |
Disney [+]
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Cartoon Network & Adult Swim [+]
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Nickelodeon [+]
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Fox & Warner Bros [+]
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Hasbro [+]
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Other Networks [+]
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