Robert Card
|
| Hey! | 
|
This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
|
|
STEP THE FUCK OFF! Robert Card looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
|
| |
|---|---|
| Robert Russell Card II | |
| Born | April 2, 1983 |
| Died | October 25, 2023 (aged 42) |
| Nationality | Americunt 
|
| Highscore | 18 killed, 13 injured |
| Top 50? | 32 |
| Style | Single Player, FPS |
| An Hero? | Yes |
2023. Just days after a shitty terrorist attack in Belgium, A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS! Robert Card, another insane american, is now the current and best high score of the year. Pwned 18 NPCs on a bowling alley and a betting bar. also wounded 13 others before pwining himself near the local river.
Background
Robbie, lived with his fathers in Bowdoin, in Maine. He was a sergeant first class in the MOAR FAKE NEWS, Card was a member of the reserves, enlisted in December 2002 but had no active deployments in United States Army Reserve. Robbie, studied on several schools and also studied on the university as engineering career but didnt complete his career. In 2007, DUI arested him for two speeding charges in 2001 and 2002. He was a gun instructor at a shooting range and was also a military reserve before his lulzfest. In July 2023, it was reported that his behavior was strange and that he heard voices telling him to become an hero after shooting up the nearby Saco base for the lulz, and in the summer of this year, he was interned for not hiding his hero plans. According to NBC News, Robbie's schizophrenia began after he lost his deafness by purchasing hearing aids. He, like 89% of mass shooter Americans, was humiliated for his schizophrenia at work. 2 weeks after his imprisioning in the asylum, he came out and began planning his massacre.
The massacre
Robert lost his only golden iPod that same day and began his search. Equiped with his trusty rifle and some holsters on his legs, he began his gameplay. His first spot was at the "Just-In-Time Recreation" bowling alley, at 7PM where he began to kill the NPCs that were there, and killed 7. His second spot was at the betting bar "Schemengees Bar & Grille" where he also used his banhammer and pwned 8 (4 of the sacrificed NPCs were deaf). At the end of his lulzfest, he headed into the fucking forest and got lost. It is not known where he headed, probably in the nearby town of Lisbon, but what it is most impiortant is when he an heroed on a nearby dock on the river. His body was found days later since the lazy pigs were on other issues. The rest of the kills died in the hospital.
Loadout
| Class Setup | |
|---|---|
| Item | Accessories/Bonus |
| Primary:
Ruger SFAR .308 semi-automatic rifle  |
Favourite gun of the mass shooters. 25~30 Damage. |
Perk 1: Schizo
 |
Batshit insanity X2 Moving Speed X2 Shooting speed +10 damage to everyone (even himself) |
Aftermath
After the Robbie shootings, Androscoggin County was ordered to shelter in place. Classes closed for several days and the children were happy and scared at the same time. Shortly after the massacre, many people went to various gun stores to buy pistols and shotguns to kill Robbie. The shelter-in-place warning was extended to Bowdoin (his hometown) on October 26.
Graded Score
| Kill count: | 18/20 |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 14/20 |
| Style: | 15/20 Schizo killing deaf and bowling alley shooting |
| Butthurt: | 17/20 Everyone was creeped out |
| Bonus: | 20/20 For being on the highscores and being lost about 3 days |
Schizo Fried is proud of you!
Wanted Level:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
List of N00bs Pwned
- Bob Violette, 76
- Lucille Violette, 73
- Keith Macneir, 64
- Joseph Walker, 57
- Ron Morin, 55
- Tricia Asselin, 53
- Jason Walker, 51
- Michael Deslauriers II, 51
- William Frank Brackett, 48
- Stephen Vozzella, 45
- Bill Young, 44
- Arthur "Artie" Strout, 42
- Bryan MacFarlane, 40
- Peyton Brewer-Ross, 39
- Joshua Seal, 36
- Maxx Hathaway, 35
- Tommy Conrad, 34
- Aaron Young, 14
Disinformation
On the kills count, people trying to calculate the kills talked about 20 kills or 22 kills, other people, said there were 60 injured, But the most shittied up part was when social media was filled with false information about Robbie, which made the experts more pissed off about it. Another debunked theory says that Rob was arrested in 2016 for possessing and disseminating sexually explicit materials, which even a 13-year-old child has on his Huawei phone.
Gallery
-
Fishin' -
Gameplay Footage -
-
Police sketch -
Now Bald
-
His car, abandoned -
>:( -
Another one
See Also
- Kosta Kecmanovic, 2023 school shootin' champion
- Nikolas Cruz
- Friedrich Leibacher, Swiss schizo who was thrown out of the Top 50 after Card's rampage.
|
Robert Card |
||||||||
|
[Xbox]
|
||||||||
|
Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy | |
| Terrorists: |
Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck |
