PlaneShift
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Planeshift is the botched abortion of a free MMORPG that's been in 'pre-Alpha testing' for over a decade. It was created by an Italian loser named Talad.The game updates once every century or so. Special features include errors, disconnections, lag, herpes, shit graphics, freezing, random crashes, long waits at every loading screen, frustration, and no help from the GMs, who would rather fap and run around looking for hawt cyborz with the obligatory furry race.
PlaneShift's Staff
Talad has a team of volunteers to do all of his shit for him - all while he takes the credit. The turnover rate on the team is incredibly high and he's even known to fire his slaves for not having virtual buttsex with him.
The game's creator is Talad, which is also a name of a god in the lore. He is so desperate for developers that he hires on players known to sexually harass others, hack the game, stalk anyone with a female avatar, and once in power, demand cybersex to get out of trouble.
Population
The population of PlaneShift is cyclical, but ever since they made the retarded decision to split into an RP and a PvP server, then reverted back to one because no host in their right mind would ever waste a server on this steaming pile of horse shit, it's been seeing diminishing returns. No matter what number of characters you see when you type /who, it's pretty much two or three basement dwellers running several clients each.
IRC
PlaneShift has 'secret' IRC channels that nobody uses. If you try to troll the staff members they will befriend you so fast you won't realize their dicks are in your ass.
Said secret channels include #planeshift-devs, #planeshift-settings and #planeshift-prospects on freenode. Join the latter and pretend to be a "prospect" for fun times.
Registering
You sign up with an e-mail and pick a password - remember the e-mail if you're dumb enough to want to log in later. It will be your username for that account. You can make up to four characters per account.
Downloading the game
Now that you've registered, it's time to download the game. If you've managed to find your way, there's not only a Windows download section but a Linux section and a Mac OSX section as well. If you're a gamer, you obviously use Windows. Be warned: It takes over an hour to download the game.
Creating a character
PlainShit has a very annoying system in place to help you create your character. There are 12 avatars you can choose from. Basically an anthro cat (for furries), a rockman/woman, an elf, a fish man with wings, a devil man, a fish woman, and dwarves. Not all of these have female or male avatars so you're stuck with choosing from 3. 12 avatars was a lie. This part is so unorganized that you spend 5 minutes trying to figure out how to change your character's gender, which is inconveniently placed at the top. You have to chose a first and last name for your character which takes some thinking. Then you have to come up with a bunch of other information using 150 points they give you. Whatever you chose creates your stats. The stats are mostly crap anyway. After that you've created your character. That only took 1 hour right? Fucking lame.
You'd have to be as retarded as a Downsy Tumblr user to have difficulty creating a character. Pick a race, randomize fucking everything, tweaking a bit if you end up with too many or two little Creation Points at the end, or use the "Quick Creation" method. It really doesn't matter what species you decide to play, seeing as if you're joining the game because of this article, you're clearly only there to troll. There are Enkidukai - the cat people, Dwarves, Elves, Half-Demons, Dragon-people who aren't really dragons, Humans, and Humans but prettier. They took the Demons away because Talad wanted to piss all over the people who played them.
The tutorial
Once you log in with your new character you are taken to the tutorial. It's simple enough, just read shit and click the correct dialogue in the box that pops up. This takes approximately an eternity and you will find several recruiters waiting to take noobs into their Guilds before they realize how bad this game is.
Playing the game
You've finally made it with your character to the desired sever after blowing half your day getting this far. Fanfuckingtastic. You'll spawn in Hydlaa, near the forge. Basically all you can do is quests, unless you want to duel or cyber with other players if you can find them. The NPCs talk in long paragraphs and give you the most random ass quests. Alternatively, you could refuse to grind and sit around the taverns with the Rennies for twelve hours at a time, explicitly typing out your deepest darkest fantasies in a fake accent.
Glitches Features
- Mounts
If you don't want to waste half your fucking day walking around a fucktasticly huge map for one quest, you will be tempted to get a mount. To do this you must run all the way back and forth across what's implemented of the entire land.
There are certain quests you can do to get mounts, which are the only way to get places fast. One of them is a retarded horsegoat. The other is something that looks like an inbred stingray. Both mounts have the exact same speed, and have no real difference other than being on different levels of ugly. Not to mention both of them lag you out the ass whenever you try using them, thus defeating the purpose of having a mount in the first place.
There are a few different quest lines that will allow you to receive a mount. You have to virtually suck the dicks of other players in exchange for where to start said quests. We're not going to freely give away that information, because fellatio is an integral part of PlaneShift's gameplay experience.
- Graphics
The default setting for the client has graphics at a high quality. Even the highest-end gaming rigs cannot handle this setting. What's better is that the game's graphics randomly glitch giving you almost permanent blinding light, rainbow shapes, missing avatar heads, deformed avatars/mounts, and more cumspews of crap that make you want to throw your computer out of a window, but we know you won't because it's scary outside.
- Lag
Whether you're questing or having wonderful furry sex, PlainShit is just one large shit pile of lag. Even turning down graphics and assorted other things in the options menu doesn't help to tame the horrid lag. It's probably the worst when you're trying to train. Say you're trying to train your strength. To train said stat, you have to kill hundreds of the inbred, retarded, hillbilly monsters after paying half of the money you have to buy the skill in the first place. While trying to level up your skill, you lag. As you continue training a skill, the lag gets worse. When you're so close to leveling up a skill that you can smell the sweet aroma wafting from your computer screen, you have to reconnect in order to actually be able to continue playing without lag eating you out.
Trolling
Trolling PlainShit players is often fun and can result in great lulz for you and epic fail for the staff.
- Trolling staff
All staff members lead an online relationship, no exceptions. Furthermore, their characters are either furries or genderless statues which can mysteriously engage in cybersex. In real life, they are little more than wannabe teachers on online colleges, such as Rizin and Xillix Disregard that, XilliX got himself fired for refusing Talad his daily buttsex. Talad, the lead developer, is nothing more than a retard who fails to play the game according to his own rules.
Also, all PlainShit staff members participate in so called "GM Events" where they act out a story on the SkyLab sever. Lulz is generated by accusing them of bad roleplay or simply convincing players not to follow their plot, which results in massive b& and fail.
Furthermore, tell the staff that Enkidukai are cats and play your Enkidukai like a cat-person to make the staff rage. Or do the same with Klyros, claiming that they're dragons, Kran as animate rocks, Groffels as griffins, Diaboli as Satan, et cetera.
In fact, play any race and put the word "dragon" somewhere in their description. And go on the forums demanding dragons be put in-game.
- Trolling roleplayers
Tell them they fail at life by spending their time playing their Mary Sue characters. For lulz throw shit at the "Royal House of Purrty" and watch how the fags rush to the defense of their "queen", since all roleplayers are in for the drama. The majority of those can also be trolled by offending their characters, since they don't realise it is a fucking game. This is extra fun, since staff can do a shit about that, just say "It was purely in character".
Play a prostitute and, once you have the other character someplace quiet in group, have your female character whip their dick out, or ask your partner to do horrible, unspeakable acts with you. This will undoubtedly result in b&, but the reactions will be great. If you decide to do this, please take screenshots and post them here.
- Trolling "normal" players
Easy as raping a baby. Jump right into their characters all the time or tell them how weak and sucky they are. This results in spamming duel invitations from their part, simply declining those results in b& for them. Also, always attack the NPCs they are fighting.
For classy lulz convince them you are a staff member, make them give you all their stuff and them have them become an hero. This actually works.
- Hacking
You can hack the game with your CSIII skills. No, srsly. A memory editor is enough to give you infinite money. If you truly have no life, modify the source files for teleportation etc. Note that the cheated money makes everyone obey your commands, great for trolling everyone on this game.
Staff usually tells people to report themselves after a new bug/hack becomes public, for they've got logs.
External Links
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PlaneShift is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |
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PlaneShift is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| PlaneShift is part of a series on Dying Alone
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