Andrew Quah
You're a young, up-and-coming conservative politician who rallies for men's rights, libertarianism and family values. You've just been endorsed by the fundie Family First Part for some bum-fuck-nowhere seat in parliament. It looks like all those years of misogyny, bonsai growing and right-wing activism has paid off. Except for one thing, you're still a virgin. But luckily a fourteen year old girl has tried to initiate sex, and has asked for nude pictures. So you send her said nudes. Fuck.
Youth
Andrew Quah always had a taste for drama. Growing up a fat, scarred asian boy in a white-as-Christmas area of Sydney, Australia, he had always felt a bit displaced by his peers. Early on, he channeled his frustrations into growing bonsai plants and opera singing. During high school, frustrated with his Student Representative Council (seen by him as a left-wing puppet of the school administration), he formed his own Independent Student Party to run for election. Not surprisingly, the party had only one member - himself. Failing to get elected to the SRC on the independent ticket, he settled into a life of scholarly activities, bottling up his anger until being dropped into the left-wing world of Sydney University.
—Former Classmate on Andrew Quah |
University
At Sydney University, Andrew became active in the Liberal Allies student political party and was elected to the Student Representative Council. He ran for President of the council in his second year, and was soundly beaten. His time was then spent campaigning for men's rights, against political correctness, and for Voluntary Student Unionism.
With your support for undergraduate representative to the University Senate, it is my pledge to work for the benefit of our student body to raise the important issues, and to provide a clear and confident voice for the student body across the entire university.
I am a fourth year Arts/Music Studies student at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music, and a professional grower, lecturer and author on bonsai. As a student, I divide my time between the Con and the main campus - and at both I see and hear discontent among my classmates, whether it's the rising price of parking for main campus, the utter lack of parking for the Con, the cost of course materials, the time spent travelling to and from uni, or the subject choices available to us in our degrees.
Issues like these faced by most students - and not the concerns of the petty politically-minded activists among us - demand the attention of our University Senate, and so itis my commitment to address these issues, and to speak on the behalf of my fellow undergraduate students across the many campuses of the University of Sydney.
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His Penis
After over twenty years of abstinence, Andrew was feeling the pain. His bonsai, student politics and musical composition would not suffice. Not even becoming President of the Family First youth division was enough to satiate his desires. He was even a school teacher and politician. Fortunately, though, some tricky trolls from his University who decided they'd had enough of his faggotry posed as fourteen year old girls and extracted nude pix from him. In Australia, exposing yourself to minors is an offense, but the partyvan has not come to reward Andrew with sweet prison rape yet. We can only hope.
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Andrew Quah had secured preselection to run for a seat in some shit neighbourhood in the upcoming Federal election. Unfortunately, his nude pix were leaked during the election season, and national coverage ensued with hilarious puns like, "Meet Family First's Smallest Member". Every Australian now knew Andrew Quah, and his penchant for exposure to children. Goodbye schoolteaching job. Goodbye political career. Hello lifetime of tending bonsai plants. Needless to say he lost the chance to run in the election.
But Who Was Penis?
During a media interview, just after deleting his Facebook, Andrew proceeded to blame everyone but himself. Several stories arose, including shoops and drugs, but in the end, his rambling about fringe conspiracy theories over his political assassination only implicated himself.
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Chatlog
An MSN chatlog has emerged framing malicious trolls as the perpetrators of this political assassination.
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LOLsuit
A legal firm that advertises, "We are now open on Saturdays in Parramatta," has tried to have all offensive material removed regarding Andrew's dick from a blog. Regardless, in the true style of a Dramacrat, the author has refused to remove the material, stating that "he deserves it."
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL (OC: Oops)
NOT TO BE PUBLISHED Dear Mr Lander
ANDREW QUAH – DEFAMATORY PUBLICATIONS
We act for Andrew Quah.
We have read the contents published by you and are of the view that the publication is defamatory.
It is defamatory as it contains false suggestions and it carries the innuendoes, such as that our client is gay (OC: totally not the case) and has posted his photographs on websites inviting persons to engage in sexual relationships. Our client denies each of your claims.
Further, your publications are defamatory under the NSW Defamation Act and cognate State and Territory legislation under the Uniform Defamation Acts.
Your false claims are calculated to damage the reputation of our client and for others to think less of him.
Your false claims have caused distress and embarrassment as a result of which he has suffered immensely both emotionally and financially.
If you refuse or neglect to apologise and remove all the material about our client we will seek to tender this letter in any legal proceedings in support of a claim for aggravated damages and indicating malice.
We look forward to your reply. Yours faithfully
LAC LAWYERS PTY LTD
Arul Niles LL.M (Syd)
Then fall Andrew
See Also
- Fundie
- Liberal Party of Australia
- Fat
- Azn - (see also Micropenis.)
- Partyvan
- Photoshop
- Drugs
- Dying Alone
- MSN chat log
External Links
- Log of Bored of Studies drama
- Highlights of the event
- Sydney Morning Herald article with witty title
- Tabloid article on the subject
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Andrew Quah is part of a series on Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage. |
| Andrew Quah is part of a series on Ausfailia [Expand]
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Andrew Quah is related to a series on AZNS. | [Herrow] |
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| Featured article June 24, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Vuvuzela |
Andrew Quah | Succeeded by Lexi Bee |
