Fagnostic
A fagnostic is a fag who decided to rebuke their faith in God in favor of Agnosticism once they realized that God hates fags. Fagnostics tend to congregate and hold gay pride events. They also flood the internets with their bullshit and whine about Fred Phelps and other Christians. Fagnostics are often pro-ana, and eat no more than 99 calories a day.
Fagnostics Growing Up
As children, fagnostics are normally picked on since they enjoy intellectual pursuits instead of normal activities. (Sounds like you, doesn't it??) During their teenage years, most fagnostics go through a painstaking process known as "coming out", where they publicly humiliate themselves to the world by revealing their homosexuality. They then parade around in displays of faggotry that are as appealing as goatse to piss off God. Speaking of goatse, fagnostics have been known to fap to it.
The Evolution of a Fagnostic
Fagnostics, as 13-year-old boys, realize they are gay, but often stay in the closet about it for fear of rejection. This normally leads them to become emo, publicly affirming their homosexuality without actually saying they like to swallow semen.
Of course, many of these people are religious, but when they realize that Fred Phelps and his cult are correct and all fags burn in hell, they decide that religious belief at that point is useless and evolve from the Christian closet case into the liberal fagnostic. Normally they go on a cocksucking rampage and try to have as much buttsecks as possible before contracting AIDS.
The Gatheist
Normally, at some point during this process, fagnostics evolve from the fagnostic stage into the fearsome gatheist. Note: the "y" in "gay" is dropped because the word would be "gaytheist", or 'gay theist" otherwise. Gay theists, unlike gaytheists, don't believe that existence is meaningless, and thus are not as big of ass pirates as their secular counterparts.
Gatheists believe that the highest purpose in life is to do drugs and have as much promiscuous buttsecks as possible. The theory of evolution's principle of natural selection will take care of them if God's weapons, AIDS, homophobia, and epic butthurt don't get the job done first.
Rarely do fagnostics or gaytheists ever live beyond the period of fagolescence.
Fagnosticism in Gay Culture
Just as being fagnostic or gatheist is commonplace in the homosexual world, so is rampant buttsecks, usage of a giant dildo of death, and AIDS. The lack of religious belief among fagnostics leads to the above activities, which end up producing shock images such as Lemonparty and meatspin.com.
Known Fagnostics and Gatheists
- Brandon Hilton
- Chris Crocker
- Dan Savage
- Gay God (Note: Not an actual deity; only a faggot with a lot of unwarranted self-importance)
- Richard Dawkins
What to do if you Encounter a Fagnostic
Beat it over the head with a Bible until it repents its sodomite fag sins.
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Fagnostic is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
