Chick tracts
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BREAKING NEWS!! Jack has died and gone to Hell |
Not to be confused with the other kind of Chick Tract.
Jack Thomas Chick† is what happens when a comic book artist becomes a Christian fundamentalist. A typical Chick tract (also called Shit Tract) will usually feature a person who has yet to be "saved" or will be tricked by another character, who is usually the Devil in disguise. The character will eventually return to Jesus, after realizing the error of their ways. Everyone who isn't a Jesus freak goes directly to Hell, or is actively working for the Devil, or just goes to hell for very poorly justified reasons. They're often full of hilarious misinformation about just about fucking everything. Jack Chick tracts are a popular target for Photoshoppers, in part because they are so batshit insane. The inherent problem with shooping a Chick Tract is that the original untouched comics are usually the pinnacle of lulz and therefore cannot be improved upon.
Things Chick Hates
- Any translation of the Bible not the King James one. (So fuck you, non-English speaking people!) [1]
- Muslims! [2] (Duhhhhhh)
- Roman Catholics! [3][4][5][6][7]
- Evolution! [8]
- Dungeons & Dragons! [9]
- Freemasons! [10] (Masons are deists, hurr durr. Oh, and God hates penises!)
- Communists! [11]
- Wigwams! [12] (This is despite the fact that most prairie niggers nowadays are Baptist)
- Homos! [13] (Pedo rape is more acceptable than two consenting adults holding hands. Buttsex is also just as bad as murder! Apparently, Chick don't know 'bout condoms)
- Hindus! [14]
- Halloween! [15] (lrn2All Saint's Day)
- Buddhists! [16] (Because megachurches don't make money, amirite?)
- Jews! [17]
- Emos! [18]
- Santa Claus! [19]
- Truckers! [20]
- Mormons! [21]
- Christian Rock! [22]
- 16 year old girls! [23]
- Jehovah's Witnesses! [24] (This is the only one where he makes some valid points, mostly about the blood thing)
- U.S. troops! [25] (lolwut? Isn't America supposed to be a Christian nation?)
- Atheists! [26] (Duhhhhhh)
- Family Guy [27]
- Space Moose! [28]
- You
Oddly, Jack has no qualms about portraying Jew as a nigger. [29]
Apparently, Chick's site is b& in Singapore. LOL WUT?
Important Facts
- Jack Chick does not do it for the lulz
- Jack Chick hates Mudkips.
- Jack Chick is the original internet meme.
- Jack Chick is Pedobear, which also makes him a furry.
- Jack Chick causes global warming, but doesn't believe in it.
- Jack Chick is impervious to insults.
- Jack Chick made a movie.
- Jack Chick draws 'The Christian Hero' of his tracts in a style inspired by Tom of Finland.
- Jack Chick believes God and Jesus are the same person, therefore worships the robot GodJesus.
Rule 34
There is Jack Chick Rule 34...but it sucks balls. In the bad way.
Actually it's not that bad. There are two known 34s done for separate works so far:
- Dark Dungeons was a tract done in 1984, and a parody of it was created in 2008, depicting the character Marcie who killed herself after her D&D thief died of poison.
- The Trial was a tract done in 1996, and a parody of it was created in 2012, depicting Jesus fucking the child protagonists Ann Gordon and Debbie Baxter.
Chick Dissections
As mentioned above, there isn't much you can do to improve the lulz-quotient of a Chick Tract because they're perfectly insane. Still some people are willing to make page-by-fucking-page readings of them, making fun of them. Usually these are made by godless atheist heathens who TL;DR everything.
- The Jabberwock dissections- The most TL;DR of them, but has probably the most done.
- The Jr. dissections- Less done than Jabberwock but still a bunch.
- The JK dissections- Newer, with less done.
- The Boolean Union dissections - This is the most unique and is made in the style popularized by MST3K. Out of all of them, this is currently the most frequently updated site and is the only one to have more than one person doing it all the time.
Want to make one? Make an uninspired blogspot account and be sure to mention every 10 seconds that you're an atheist. Profit will follow.
Gallery
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In order for the savages to be cleansed of shit, they must accept God's Love Gift. The Gift is rape. -
The picture showing the bannage of Chick. -
The Muslims: what really happened. -
"That's right bitch, as long as you don't worship Jesus, you might as well blow up the Pentagon." -
Bob is a pretty cool guy! -
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See Also
External Links
- Chick.com Warning: May make you
lovehate Jesus. - Chick parody comics
- The Jabberwock dissections
- Chick Tract Slash Fanfic Possibly the first.
- Review on "The Bad Webcomic Wiki"
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Anti-Semitism • The Apocalypse • The Bible • Catholicism • Censorship • Christian Identity • Conservapedia • Creationism • Christian Boy Love Forum • Christian Spanking Blogs • Christian forums • Christian Teen Forums • Christian furries • Christmas • The Crusades • Church of Fudge • Easter • EQ2Flames • Ex-Gays • Genocide • God hates fags • GodJesus • Heaven • The Holocaust • Homophobia • Hyldenism • Intelligent Design • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Jesus is Hitler • Jesus is Savior • Jesus Tortilla • The KKK • Mormonism • Objectiveministries • Purity Ball • Pussy Riot • Pro-life • Quiverfull • Rangerphiles • Raptor Jesus • The Rapture • Republicans • Slavery • Snopes • The Spanish Inquisition • The Ten Commandments • The Thaw • Transphobia • Visions • Xxxchurch | |
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Pissing Off the Almighty [+]
Abortion • Bestiality • Black metal • Circumcision • Evolution • Homosexuality • Liberalism • Masturbation • Pornography • Satanism • Scientology • Suicide • Transgenderism | |
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Heathens [+]
Agnostics • Atheists • Fagnostics • Jews • Nghtmrchld26 • Muslims • Pagans • Satan • Wiccans |
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