Allan

This article is paid for by taxpayers like you. Thanks, America.

Attention all furries!

A 40-something, badly aging Allan at Anthrocon 2014.

	“	I am the furry fandom. Don't let anyone tell you different.	„
	—Allan, on his Twitter, somehow increasing the pathos of furries even more.

Allan Greenwald or Lupine Assassin (AKA: Wolf God Of Sex, Dr. Enthusiasm, Scorpio Wolf, and Wonderboy), is a middle-aged Jewish zoophile, furfag and basement dweller with no life whatsoever. On March 1, 2009, he was banned from FurAffinity, and he became homeless from spending all his money on art commissions, but never learned his lesson and continues to beg for more money from strangers so he can purchase more fail art.

He had previously gained notoriety in the "fandom" for commissioning an endless amount of art, then turning around and incessantly begging for more money. Now he's notorious for being the obnoxious formerly-permabanned furfag whom Dragoneer loved to hate.

The Life-time Achievements of Allan

Long-standing love affair with Dragoneer.

“	Okay, people. Confession time. I've been debating for a long spell if I should explain how I became obsessed with all things furry. So here goes: I can't remember what month it was, but I'm certain it was definitely a Wednesday afternoon and I was 4. I was glued to Sesame Street like all other kids back in the day. Anyhow, I watched it, seeing one of those in-between segments that had a nice music bed underneath. This segment had your average middle-class kitchen: linoleum floors, a counter top where the sink is, wooden cabinets with a stove, and a bowl of water for the dog. The dog proceeds to walk over and drink from the bowl. Okay, fair enough, but then they zoom in on the dog's face.... As the dog drinks from his bowl, they focused on his mouth and tongue, showing it in extreme slow-motion. I'm watching this and had a sexual epiphany (remember I was only 4 at the time). After the scene ended, I ran to the kitchen stark naked and shouted full-volume to my mom, "I'm the only one in the world that can do THIS!!", showing her the biggest fucking boner. Call me crazy, but that's what happened, and I'm not ashamed about it. I'm a furry for life, and I'm all the better for it.	„

How I started my journey down the den of iniquity.... BALEETED.

He's no Big Boss...

Destined for greatness?

The furry fandom was his entire life. Literally...

He is now a 40-something cast away who is all alone in the middle of New York City with no friends, no family, no job, no home, no skills, no money, no internet - with nothing but his laptop, two dollars, seven suitcases of shit and 415 completely worthless "artworks" (all depicting his "fursona"). He has the honor of being a massive lolcow and being laughed at even by the other furries (losers, although not on the same level as Allan). However, neither of these two achievements are likely to help him survive in the streets.

Commissions were paid by Allan with the money he earned by begging the other furfags over the internets while living with his mother; Allan has never held a job in his life. Once Allan's "bills" were paid by gullible furfags who threw money at his Paypal address, after which he would delete his beggar journals and re-post the commissioned art. According to one estimate, this has cost his almost equally retarded benefactors anywhere between $2,000 to $16,000.

Allan now sucks off the U.S. government by his own admission, yet still racks up commissions from expensive artists.

	“	My thing? Had to get my food stamp card renewed today. With much waiting there, I got it done. Before I stopped there today, I got word my Army $ should be made available some time this week. That, and my upcoming tax refund $. Still need to receive the packet from Fort Benning, so I can then hire a local VA Rep to wrangle power-of-attorney from Georgia, representing my veterans' benefits and such. Also expecting to receive unemployment and social security money soon as well.	„

Banned From Real Life And The Internet

"BLOCKED"

Hate art

The last known words written by Allan before he was banned from FurAffinity (where since April 2006, he had 1,377 submissions, gave 17,644 comments, and accumulated a whooping 68,947 favorites) were:

	“	I AM FREEZING OUT HERE! SOMEONE, ANYONE PLEASE SEND HELP!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!	„

This was followed by "GO FUCK YOURSELF" in response to the advice he should head for a homeless shelter, after which he was B&. Allan's status was unknown for a long time afterwards (he may be dead or alive, nobody knew or cared). Unfortunately, the epic journal post was deleted after it received over 1,000 lulzy comments in two days.

Folks, he ain't coming back to FurAffinity anytime soon. As predicted, Allan couldn't "change his ways" as he so stated in his DA journals, and will not be coming back to FA. So like a cumstain on a white bed sheet, Allan's ban is there to stay unless Dragoneer suddenly develops a bad case of amnesia, which he tragically did years later in 2014.

Due to Allan creating the distraughtsuffering account, in a stunning turn of events, Dragoneer, around April Fools' Day, swung his mighty Banhammer one last time, this time at Allan's page, changing the administrator's notice to read "User has been perma-banned from Fur Affinity", to the rejoice of everyone on FurAffinity.

Dragoneer says NO to Allan's second (or third) coming.

Still not having learned the first two times, Allan, using proxies, created yet another account "8543430", Dragoneer promptly called him on it, left him a nice shout, then used his Banhammer again and banned Allan's sorry butt for the third time.

It had been rumored that Allan created a fourth account, but it was never found, and with him back on his primary account, isn't considered particularly relevant any longer.

Dragoneer Just Says NO To Allan

With all the cock-sucking going on between the two, you would wish these two would just get over it and fuck already. However, it looks like more cock-sucking is in the forecast as neither of the two fucktards wants to back down.

Even counting with the lowest estimations, That makes a lot! #1 being the Boss of Furaffinity, it's logic he banned that hobo.

Allan tried to appease Dragoneer by claiming he wanted to pay everyone back. With what money we don't know...

“	I wish to contact everyone who lent me money and get their PayPal addresses, so I can start paying them back. Additionally, I'm asking to provide a character witness to Dragoneer, that I want back on FA and that I'm taking the necessary steps to redeem myself and right all my wrongs. I'm HOPING when Dragoneer sees I'm willing to right past wrongs and settle old debts with people personally, he'll reconsider my FA ban. Please spread the word about this. Ask furs to re-post this journal on other fursites (including FA) so that more people know how serious I wish to make things right. Thanks.	„

...Of course, he doesn't mean any of this. He just wants to be unbanned from FurAffinity by the big meanie Dragoneer so he can commission MORE artists for his vore-porn.

When this didn't work, he returned to FurAffinity under the with the suckpuppet "distraughtsuffering", and posted this journal:

I am speaking on behalf of a certain sexy black wolf DJ with the red bandanna....me.

First off, I wish to apologize profoundly for all the drama I caused. I meant no harm to anyone, and I hope everyone can forgive me. I wish to set things right.

I've been living in a homeless shelter for 3 weeks now. It's hell on earth, and I gotta be alert every passing second. I'm still hurt that my laptop was stolen last week. Police are investigating it as a grand larceny case. All my files and personal information are in that laptop. I had to freeze all my accounts for fear of someone accessing them.

I have pleaded with Dragoneer and several other admins to let my voice be heard without prejudice or drama, because there are many furs out there who wish to know the latest about me. The ban was a raw deal, I'm thoroughly convinced. I bear no ill will to anyone here, and I wish to keep this vital line of communication open for various reasons.

As of now, I promise you I will not ask for any more handouts or donations. If need be, I will gladly refund any donation that was given to me as soon as I earn some money. I am still looking for work and a place to call home....nothing yet.

This is a plea from my very core. I hope I'm not damned for posting this journal. I only wish to keep you guys informed in the meantime.

And in about 20 minutes, I need to log off this library pc, and go back to another slow and miserable day.

God bless FA and all the members. You are all my family. I love you.

He was quickly re-banned and the journal was deleted (but not before he received much love hate).

When this, too, failed, Allan had a chat with Dragoneer, begging and pleading like the pathetic piece of crap he is to be let back on FA and oddly, posted the unedited content of his little chats on his DA account in now deleted journals. This was confirmed by Dragoneer. The best bits are below with the entire journal available here.

[16:18] Dragoneer: Per the FA Terms of Service, "FA is not a backup service and is not responsible for long term archiving of user files."

[16:18] Dragoneer: So there you go.

[16:19] Lupine Assassin: who else had their files removed?

[16:19] Dragoneer: Do I have to spell out the FA privacy policy to you, too?

[16:19] Lupine Assassin: don't be a fucking smartass.

[16:20] Lupine Assassin: is there ANY chance of me rejoining fa?

[16:20] Dragoneer: Lupine Assassin, sexy wolf (4:13 PM): UGH! do i have to spell it out for you? <---- See, here ,where you said "Do I have to spell it out for you" in all lower case?

[16:21] Dragoneer: It was a witty retort, not smartassery. Being a smart ass, my response would have been "y-e-s".

[16:21] Lupine Assassin: besides which, you NEVER gave me the chance to post my journal in my defense.

[16:22] Lupine Assassin: no one got to hear my side of the story. you need to let me back on so people can hear both sides

[16:25] Dragoneer: Well, I have to head out now. Work's over.

[16:25] Lupine Assassin: you didn't answer me

[16:26] Dragoneer: I don't need to let you back on FA, no.

[16:26] Dragoneer: If you want to be back on FA you'll have to do more than point a finger at me and go "You're a doodoohead!" while accusing me of playing some petty popularity game.

[16:26] Lupine Assassin: and your bad rep precedes you

[16:27] Dragoneer: No, it doesn't. I'm a Digimon. One of my innate powers is Aura of Asshattery.

[16:27] Dragoneer: Besides, you have to be stern in my position. It's not always fun.

[16:28] Lupine Assassin: you think what you did to me is fun?

[16:29] Dragoneer: Honestly? No. I find some of your accusations hilarious, but "fun" is not amongst it. Masturbating is fun. Playing Team Fortress 2 is fun. Eating ice cream and hanging out with friends? Fun.

[16:29] Lupine Assassin: fuck you and i hope you fucking die you worthless fag nigger

[16:30] Dragoneer: Fuck you, I'm a Digimon.

[16:30] Meebo Message: Dragoneer is offline}}

Vengeance is Futile

Last Thursday, Allan saw some images of his character posted on FA that bordered on hate art, even though such images are against FurAffinity's Acceptable Use Policy, and the creators would meet Dragoneer's banhammer if anyone else (especially himself) was featured in them. Since somehow FurAffinity's unbiased and completely fair administrators had failed to remove such blatant violations of site rules, Allan decided to abuse copyright laws and sent Dragoneer a DMCA notice claiming copyright on the images. Dragoneer responded with a LOL WUT and ignored it. This led Allan to send the notice to FurAffinity's ISP. Said ISP threatened to ban FurAffinity from the intertubes unless ALL images of Allan were removed from the site. Dragoneer told the ISP the notice was bullshit, but he complied anyway - and, in an extra step, he also removed images that even resembled Allan's character, even if they weren't of his character, either him just being a douchebag as usual or he has sunk to new lows of stupids.

Many furries accused Dragoneer of overreacting, even though anyone who is familiar with him has to wonder why removing Allan's pride and joy wasn't part of his permaban (unless he had some sort of reason to keep all his commissioned art up). Others thought Furraffinity should call in their E-lawyers and countersue Allan for abusing the DMCA (like Allan has any money anyways). Allan scrambled to try and undo the damage his DMCA caused by promising people he wasn't planning any sort of lawsuit against any artist, but the furries, angry over the loss of potential fap material (and their own artwork), refused to listen to his pleas and banished him to furry hell once more.

Homeless Hell

He likes to spend his their money on alcohol...

...and fags - so to speak.

This guy must have the worst luck in the world or needs sympathy to survive.

“	My [shelter] room was broken into last night. After waiting 6 hours to reserve it, some asshole broke in and went through my clothing bag and stole something mom gave me.	„

He must be wearing a sign that says "I AM ALLAN - STEAL STUFF FROM ME" on his back or something.

Army of FAIL

Allan now has a job with the US Army! He quickly moved out of the hellhole known as the shelter and is now at an undisclosed location.

PRIVATE ALLAN, TEN-HUT!

(UPDATE 05/14/09)

According to his MySpace:

"Yep!! I will be shipping out to Ft. Benning, Georgia in a few days for Basic & Infantry Training. I'm very nervous over the whole thing, but I feel everything will be alright from here on in. WISH ME LUCK!!"

(UPDATE 01/07/10)

Unsurprisingly...

Lupine Assassin says:

i was in the army
got medical discharge

Lupine Assassin says:

got hurt in basic training so they let me go

Can't Even Get Theft Right

Allan is reeeaccching for your wallet!

From the military to shlepping copies of pirated music via Linkbucks for money. This is the natural order of things.

“	Lupine Assassin, sexy wolf (11:14 AM): btw if you're looking for the new Muse CD here it is http://747e8014.linkbucks.com/url/http://vxnkzr.link-protector.com/ Preyfar (11:15 AM): What is that link to...? Lupine Assassin, sexy wolf (11:15 AM): free download of Muse's "The Resistance" if it doesn't work lemme know and i'll get another link Preyfar (11:16 AM): So, you're using linkbucks, a site to make money off of hyperlinks... to give me a pirated copy of Muse's album. So, you profit off an illegal download and rip the band off a few bucks, and this is supposed to convince me of what, exactly?	„

Allan: The Fail Continues

Even to this day Allan still somehow manages to get commissions from people on Furaffinty, using everyone else's money.

Okay everybody, you've seen the fag under the fur, now its time to do something about it. At least 100 different furries have come forward and massed all of their dox into one massive report to the FBI.

This blog has detailed descriptions of how exactly to tell the FBI to pay Allan a visit. With anon backed up by mass furfaggotry, Allan will soon see the full force of the American judicial system.

Spread and use this on Allan for great justice!

The New York City Fraud Report Hotline: (212) 274-5030

Bureau of Fraud Investigation

Ban From e621!

Allan had been spotted on e621.net posting his commissions. If anyone tried to talk to him about anything other than his art, he would whine that they were trolling. Same old BS. He would report them to the mods and try to get them banned if they said anything negative about him, or the art he purchased and posts freely.

Just searching Lupine Assassin brings up a whole host of repulsive yiffy art.

It wasn't long before the same song and dance got him banned from this website.

Although he is banned, his artwork is still up. Please take less than five minutes of your time to vote down all of his uploads. On the upper left, change the "Mode" drop-down to "Vote Down" and then just click once on everything, then go to the next page and repeat. Send this asshat a clear message!

Inkbunny

He is also currently on Inkbunny, posting his commissions

http://inkbunny.net/lupineassassin

He also posted a journal about attending Anthrocon, there. Presumably he's paying for his hotel and tickets with others' money.

And he still continues to beg for money

Back on FurAffinity

Yuck.

Allan's tweet proves he is a man of his word.

Lupine Assassin: "I hope you fucking die you worthless fag nigger."
Dragoneer: Glad to let you back on my private website.

Somehow, after years of laying low, Allan managed to successfully weasel his way back onto FurAffinity on February 23, 2014, after a group dick-sucking over Skype.

“	February miracle It hasn't really sunk in yet, but I'M BACK! :D Earlier I noticed FA:U's Twitter account watched me back, which was a pleasant surprise. I had no idea soon after it would lead to a sudden group chat on Skype. A few minutes later, the years-long nightmare finally ended. I wish to thank dragoneer, sciggles and chase for giving me another chance. My friend jimbear gets credit for breaking the ice. All of us have been through plenty of drama. Hopefully we can learn from it and move on, becoming better furries in the process. I got a lot of catching up to do here. ^^	„
—Allan, proving that Dragoneer will do anything for a distraction from the Zaush rape fiasco.

Allan's current life

Last Thursday, Allan was happy to see his Encyclopedia Dramatica page was no more (forgetting the glory that is ED 2: Electric Boogaloo), so in some way he thought about starting a new life. Unfortunately for him, there's over 9000 pages with a shit load of info about him. Again, he got butthurt and went through a DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING phase, before someone noticed the delicious drama on his userpage.

And before you ask, yes, he still is asking for commissions[1].

Examples of Commissions

Warning! If you upload hate art here, Allan's E-lawyer will find you and sue you!

Galerie de Furfaggotrie About missing Pics

• 
  Allan's fursona has tits and cunt.
• 
  Thx for your money, guys.
• 
  "You are all my family. I love you."
• 
  "Lupine Assassin Shows No Shame"

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  The real lupine assassin.
• 
  lol home shelter
• Error creating thumbnail: convert: IDAT: invalid distance too far back `/var/www/wiki/images/9/92/1231977830.allan_jeffkage_allan_avatar_2.png' @ error/png.c/MagickPNGErrorHandler/1643.

  convert: no images defined `/tmp/transform_c5bc22215ea8.png' @ error/convert.c/ConvertImageCommand/3234.

  Error code: 1
  ALLAH
• 
  Furry hobo cannibal adventures.
• 
  In Soviet Russia, Allan eats YOU.
• Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's fchan.
  Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's fchan.
• 
  Yes, he really DID commission this.

See Also

• Attention Whore
• Cheeyev
• DariusHunter
• Internet poor
• Paradisefreedom - Allan's #1 fan.
• Poor
• Sibe
• Sniff Heinkel - Allan's legacy continues.

External Links

Allan

And even they don't like him.

Neither does FA LiveJournal.

Homeless Assassin (allegedly a chat log with Allan regarding his future plans) Bawleeted.
Lupine Assassin on WikiFur
Lupine Assassin on Inkbunny
lupineassassin
LupineAssassin
google+
lupineassassin <-- MORE COMMISSIONS AS OF APRIL 18TH!
His SoFurry account (Oh look, more commissions.)
His blog.
Lupine Assassin's e621.net Account (Must be logged into e621 to see this.)
AIM: funlovingwolf
MSN: [email protected]
MSN: scorpio_wolf[at]msn.com (Was leaked due to the FA hack of Dec. 2010.)
E-MAIL: wolf4days[at]yahoo.com (Was leaked due to the FA hack of Dec. 2010.)

WYS Talks About Allan Part 1 Bawleeted.
WYS Article Part 2 Bawleeted.
WYS Covers "Allan-Gate" Part 3 Bawleeted.
WYS Asking the HARD questions. Bawleeted.
Dragoneer Issues the Final DO NOT WANT Notice Bawleeted

Allan is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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