Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

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BREAKING NEWS!!
DATELINE: DA BRONX 12 July 2018 ... YOU CANT KEEP A GOOD IRISHMAN DOWN: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Democratic Primary Opponent, Joe Crowley, Will Remain on the Ballot Because of Some Bullshit... Story at this link... STAY TUNED!!1


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Future home of an appropriate ED shrine to this cray-eyed beaner.

What will be her downfall? Plagiarism? Leaked Porn? Lying about her backstory?


Karl Marx tugs at the clit of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez


Sittin' At a Bar

   
 

At the end of the night, when it came time to split the $560 in tips she had gotten at the bar, Ocasio-Cortez gave the waitress only $50. After the waitress complained to her manager, her take was doubled to $100, a source said.

“It says so much about her character,” said my source. “From that point on, I wouldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t look at her.”
 


 
 

—--Coworker at FlatsFix Mexican restaurant

Contrary to her sob story of growing up as the destitute daughter of a crack whore in the Bronx, she actually grew up in a fairly decent house in neighboring Westchester County. Like any SJW, her rough childhood came not from inner-city poverty and being forced to attend shit-tier public schools filled with nothing but violent gangs, but from being a spic and a woman, and anyone who says anything else is probably just an evil cis male honky should go check their privilege. All the comforts of four walls, a roof, food to eat and clean water to drink, and access to Tumblr would never make up for the sheer amount of oppression she would face at the hands of whitey, so she might as well have grown up on streets selling her body in Hell's Kitchen for slices of pizza.

Eventually, she graduated from Boston University, and became an intern to Ted Kennedy. When the CIA assassinated Kennedy like they did to John and Robert, she moved back to Jew York City, where she applied her Bachelor's degree in Economics and International Affairs to suck dicks at a bar, where she routinely stole from her fellow whores, just like she will do to you to fund gibs for her constituents.

The Primary

Being an uppity millennial bitch who doesn't know her place, Ocasio-Cortez was never one to wait her turn. You see, her opponent, Joe Crowley hadn't dropped dead yet, and he hadn't yet consumed enough Christian baby blood to be reanimated via Jewish Necromancy to serve as Speaker of the House like Nancy Pelosi, so as per the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Ocasio-Cortez was to serve as a concubine to Harvey Weinstein for ten years before she could be allowed to run for fucking dog catcher, let alone Joe Crowley's House seat. Unfortunately, as Weinstein is currently servicing Bubba in jail, there was really nothing forcing her to abide by the Protocols, so she launched her own primary challenge with basically no campaign funding and no political outreach other than Facebook and tumblr.

Crowley was, however, enough of an establishment oldfag to be set in his ways, and believed that Wall Street money alone would be enough to carry him to victory. While he allowed Mossad to do his campaigning for him, he would be free to jockey for Speaker of the House when Pelosi finally ran out of virgin blood to stay alive, without having to pay any attention to the niggers and spics that make up his district in Queens and the Bronx, or their issues. He was so sure of this strategy that he didn't even bother to show up to his debates. And why would he? This strategy worked so well for President Hillary Clinton, after all!

Having apparently learned absolutely nothing from 2016, the year Our Lord and Führer ascended to His rightful place in America, Crowley failed to take into account that palling around with kikes and ignoring your voters is, in fact, anathema to voters, even of the black and brown variety. And because this is Jew York City, Ocasio-Cortez is all but guaranteed to win in November, meaning we have some washed-up old establishment shabbos goy to blame for this shrill bitch being inflicted on us come the general election.

External Links


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