Duck Dynasty

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Duck Dynasty or DucKKK Dynasty is a reality television show that airs on the Arts and Entertainment channel.

The average episode of Duck Dynasty.

The show revolves around a family of Bible thumping, gay hating, nigger beating rednecks that makes blowable dildos that makes noises to attract ducks and kill their feathered asses for fun. The use these dildos to make money and sell them to other rednecks, so they can kill their next church picnic meal. This show is an advertising cash cow that Wal-Mart is diminishing their sports section in order to dedicate an aisle to bobble heads and calendars of the heads of a Southern generation. No wonder why obesity rates are growing.

Rednecks

The Robertson family is a huge family of faggot and nigger haters that lives in the land of the fast cookin' fried chicken and buttermilk biscuits and do normal people stuff, because they're fucking rich and they despise those who hate Jesus.

These ZZ Top rejects don't want any homos and niggers messin' with the word of God.

Phil: The founder of the Duck Commander blowable dildos company, he was a former football player and is wanted by the Washington Redskins to play for their shitty team. Then, he heard the word of God speaking to him saying, "Fuck football, senselessly murder ducks to please me and my son." So, he graduated college (a first for a redneck) and carved wood in order to please Him. He invented a whistle that attracts ducks to come out of the grass and fly amuck to survive before they get shot in the eye. He hates modern technology, because he's an old man that would rather listen to the wax cylinder instead of a CD. He names tech savvy people, "Yuppies" (Redneck lingo for Nerds) because they rather kill ducks on their NES rather than real life and not buy his shitty ass duck whistles. He is also infamous for hating faggots and niggers, because God hates Fags and Niggers too, y'know.

Katy: Phil's wife that is happily married to a furry asshole that reeks of duck shit every day. She loves to cook food that contains LOTS AND LOTS OF CALORIES. Thus resulting in the entire family being a pack of fatasses and landwhales. She also has a dog that she'd rather marry than Phil, because it's less furry and it's not euthanized dick is bigger than his.

Uncle Si: The unfunny comic relief of the show. He's a 'Nam veteran, so he also hate Vietnamese people too. He is infamous for being the sole reason why the show has a shitload of merchandising, thus his ugly ass face is on every white trash's belly gut in the entire Southern portion of the United States. His catchphrases are the "Bazinga!" of the show, so expect to hear "JACK" and "HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!" almost every time this unfunny tard is on.

Willie: The fatass of the family. Some episodes revolve around his wife bitching at him for being too fat. So, she forces him to do many redneck's most hated activity, losing weight and doing yoga. He fails at these activities and rather be a lard for the rest of his life. He is also known for loving America so much, he wears an American flag on his head in order to show that he loves God and America for the idiot viewers to know that the Robertsons are more American than them. He also has an adopted Chinese kid, so expect Si to have flashbacks of 'Nam and try to kill that lil' Commie bastard.

Korie: Willie's bitchy wife. She is very disappointed to see that her husband is not Lou Ferigno and he devoted his life to killing ducks. She bitches at everything that is bad for Willie, so she can have everything her way.

Sadie: Willie's daughter. She is your typical teenage bitch doing typical shit that Steve Jobs expects for his iPhone users to do after he's dead. Uncle Phil is often mad at her for being a "Yuppie" on Facebook instead of preaching the Bible to soon to be dead ducks. She also has a boyfriend, so stay away from her you pedo weirdos or else he will get his shotgun out.

One day, somebody is going to exclaim, "That's somebody's daughter."

Jase: The only family member that nobody gives a shit about.

Faggots and Niggers are the creations of Satan

His opinions matter, so obey it or go to Hell

During an interview with GQ magazine, a wannabe Playboy magazine that published cocktease pictures of Kate Upton, Phil has this to say about niggers...

	“	"I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field …They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ — not a word! They were godly; they were happy. No one was singing the blues."	„
	—Phil Robertson on niggers

They sure were happy.

..and faggots.

	“	"It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man’s anus, that’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical. Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong. Sin becomes fine, Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right."	„
	—Phil Robertson on faggots

Nazi News agrees with his comments.

After the quote was published, fags and niggers around the world were extremely butthurt by what a retarded redneck said in a magazine that features handbras. Soon, A&E "suspended" Phil from being on the show and never gain money for his Bible seminars. The Robertson family threatened to leave the show and cancel it. This was almost considered a victory by normal people, but then, other asshole rednecks are asshurt by the threats that they signed petitions on Facebook and threatened to never watch any other shit that A&E produces out of their dirty asshole EVER AGAIN. The Jews soon figured out that they gain most of their salary by the sales of Duck Dynasty merchandise at Wal-Mart and feared that no body will buy them. No duck murder=no money for hookers and cocaine. They unsuspended Phil from the show and merchandise sales went back up, enough to buy 5 kilos of coke and a dozen hookers per night for a year.

People they want you to hate

The Robertsons hate people that are yuppies, unamerican and are the enemies of God. They hate these sinners and so should You.

This family was once normal at one point before they snapped.

Yuppies

• Steve Jobs
• Steve Wozniak
• Steve Ballmer
• Any nerd named Steve
• Bill Gates
• Shigeru Miyamoto
• Mark Zuckerburg
• Dan and Sam Houser
• Kaz Hirai
• Angry Video Game Nerd
• Tom Anderson

Unamericans

• The Beatles
• Kurt Cobain
• Barack Obama
• Osama Bin Laden
• Immigrants from the Middle East
• Mexicans
• Eurofags
• Hippies
• Hipsters
• Liberals
• Democrats
• People who don't watch Fox News.
• TV and music executives
• Jimi Hendrix

Enemies of God

• John Lennon
• Odd Future
• Carl Sagan
• Stephen Hawking
• Charles Darwin
• Monty Python
• Jews
• Muslims
• Atheists
• Satanists
• Niggers
• Homosexuals
• Animal Fuckers
• Terrorists
• Satan
• TheAmazingAtheist
• CultofDusty

Merchandise

This show is every Jew's wet dream when it comes to merchandise.

Gallery About missing Pics

• 
  What every asshole wears to casual Friday.
• 
  Even Garfield is ashamed.
• 
  They even have their own Duck Hunt ripoff.
• 
  Wal-Mart is benefiting the Jews at A&E HQ.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Libraries are banning The Clockwork Orange and allow this shit.
• 
  NRA approved.
• 
  No comment.

See also

• Fox News - Biggest supporter
• Homosexuals - Their enemy
• Niggers - Other enemy
• Atheists - Biggest enemy
• Rednecks - Their audience
• Jews - They benefit their wallets
• Louisiana - Really not that fast
• Texas - Where a majority of their fanbase resides
• Hunting - God loves this
• America - They love it
• Money - They're a little Jewish inside
• God - BFF
• Jesus - Other BFF

Duck Dynasty is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.