Lee Rigby

I go chop your head off.

On Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013 in sunny Londonistan, two fine upstanding gentlemen were driving along minding their own business when a British soldier named Lee Rigby launched a gruesome imperialist offensive on their completely innocent car by maniacally throwing himself at the front bumper. The aforementioned mudslime proceeded to go apeshit, and took it upon themselves to hack, slash and decapitate the soldier, rooting around his guts in broad daylight all in the glorious name of Allah.

After this relatively tame event occurred, the entire British populace calmly proceeded to their information super-highway boxmotrons and politely typed into any social media they could find that all these filthy sand worshiping barbarians should stop beheading chaps in the street and bugger off.

	“	I apologise that women had to witness this today, but in our land our women have to see the same.	„
	—Where's your land, mate? Romford?

	“	You people will never be safe. Remove your governments, they don't care about you!	„
	—One of the attackers in this video. For some reason that's the only part of the clip ITV will air.

	“	MUP DA DOO DIDDA PO MO GUB BIDDA BE DAT TUM MUHFUGEN BIX NOOD COF BIN DUB HO MUHFUGGA.	„
	—A glorious battle cry.

	“	You think David Cameron is going to get caught in the street when we start busting our guns? You think politicians are going to die? No, it's going to be the average guy, like you and your children. So get rid of them.	„
	—The rest of Michael Adeboloja's rant that ITV and the BBC both refuse to broadcast. He kinda has a point, when you think about it.

	“	Mr. Adebolajo told police he was 'particularly disgusted by David Cameron, the Miliband brothers and what's-his-name? Nick Clegg.'	„
	—Well, at least he understands Nick Clegg's position on the government totem pole.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

The victim

Lee Rigby, with his awesome hat.

Drummer Lee Rigby was a proud member of the Queen's personal army of baton twirlers. Rigby was on his way to the gay bathhouse, and thought the two men were driving toward him to pick him up for a pleasant afternoon of buttsex. Little did he realize that they actually just wanted head.

The attackers

Two exemplary Muslim men.

He's a big softie really.

Modern Woolwich.

Mr. Adebolajo has some sound advice.

The two men who attacked Rigby were two niggers named "Michael 'Mujahid' Olumide Adebolajo" and "Michael Oluwatobi Adebowale". These men were welcomed into Londonistan with open arms by gullible poofsters who thought that giving a better life to nig-nogs was a dandy fine idea. Woolwich is a suburb of London, so what better place to re-settle these two refugees than in a white suburb of welcoming white people! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

The upstanding young refugees described atrocities in their homeland as the reason for beheading young Lee Rigby. However, it is worth noting that in the now infamous clip that's doing the rounds on several news sites, where a blood-soaked Adebolajo addresses the public, he speaks with a clear Romford accent, meaning that rather than the Middle East, his homeland is actually Essex.

Videos

Immediately after carving up the Queen's private drummer, one of the niggers gave an interview to an enterprising YouTuber, still holding the weapons and drenched in Rigby's blood (caught red-handed amirite??).

Michael Adebolajo addresses the Internet.

And now, a little mood music...

Previous Video | Next Video

Justice

WOOP! WOOP! DAT'S DA SOUNDA DA PO-LEEZ!!

Eventually, the po-po arrived on the scene. Unfortunately, however, they were about twenty minutes too late to actually do anything helpful, having been held up apprehending a frail and elderly woman who hadn't paid her television licence.

England is not known for having a lot of guns, but when it comes to shooting niggers, even the Brits like to partake in a little target practice. When the coppers arrived, Adebolajo charged straight at the police vehicles, a meat cleaver in each hand, acting like he was in God of War or some shit, and was quoted as saying, "Fite me 1v1 fagut, Ill rekk u, kunt!" before being permabanned from existence by a hail of bullets.

The other nigger attempted to shoot back at police, armed with a rusty World War II-era service revolver, but apparently when the stupid faggot tried to fire it, the gun backfired and blew his filthy mudslime thumb off.

The Aftermath

Lots of hot bodied lads.

@EDFacepalm

The people of Britain were utterly disgusted by this display of barbarity, and promptly proceeded to write sternly-worded letters to their local council members, urging them, in turn, to write sternly-worded letters to their own superiors, and so on.

One group of individuals, however, was even more miffed than the general British public themselves; the Gay Cracker Association of Britain, also known as the English Defense League, was thoroughly peeved by the incident.

Gathering up all the dragon dildos that they could possibly carry in their anal cavities, they proceeded to band together at their local YMCA. Having engaged in a few hours of recreation, the EDL had made a decision: enough, was enough. They could no longer sit idly by and watch the United Kingdom fall victim to illiteracy and barbarism; it was time to stand up! They marched on Woolwich, prayed to their lord and savior Nick Griffin, and made sure their voices were heard, with a firebombing of a local mosque emphasizing their opposition to violence. Unfortunately, however, the march didn't last long before the EDL succumbed to a passionate game of "love truncheon" with the local police. A few of the hot bodied protesters gave in to their animal instincts and accompanied some police officers home that evening. After that incident, the EDL was too tired to do anything further, and they have most likely forgotten all about Lee Whatshisface by now.

Anonymous doxes the EDL

In their typical summerfag manner, members of Anonymous decided to release a video on Youtube with a file containing the dox of over 200 members of the English Defence League, just a few days after the Woolwich attack. The EDL responded with their own video, calling out Anonymous as the mudslime-loving faggots that they are. Both videos (and the YouTube comments) contain copious amounts of bad grammar and internet tough guy syndrome.

Behead those who insult leejun!

The EDL manages to put their orgy on hold long enough to respond.

Previous Video | Next Video

Summary

• Two black sand niggers decide to sacrifice a soldier to Satan.
• They run him down with a car and then proceed to butcher him and make him into a halal meal.
• However, the local police force gets there before they have time to cook the meal, and proceeds to Pwn one nignog and arrest the other.
• The English Defence League gets butthurt and organizes a protest against the barbarian camel jockeys.
• Anonymous makes some new friends amongst the dregs of humanity.

See also

It's a fucking disgrace. They come over here, some of them don't even speak the language...

• Beheading video
• Islam
• BNP
• Apparently Woolwich is a paragon of upstanding citizenry
• English Defence League

External links

• news article covering Anonymous' doxing of the EDL.
• English Defence League Site

Featured article November 8 & November 9, 2013
Preceded by Seasonal Affective Disorder	Lee Rigby	Succeeded by Dislikes