Dakota Fanning
A thinking pedophile’s Miley Cyrus, prostatot-recently-cum-lolita Dakota Fapping has long occupied the lusted-after pantheon of female childstars, having taken place of such facepainting-worthy names as Kirsten Dunst and The Olsen Twins.
SRS BSNS
In true Hollywood fashion, Dakota takes herself waaaaaaaay too seriously, and like her holier-than-thou colleagues of DiCaprio’s ilk, will only star in srs films.
In spite of this, she can’t seem to pull an Anna Paquin and earn herself that smooth, solid-gold satisfying object, as documented in this poignant video.
Teh Why
A long, long time ago, in a Georgian town far, far away, DeeDee was a child like any other. Full of joie-de-vivre, and blissfully unaware of the distressing complexities of adult world.
Her parents wouldn’t have that.
Having been utter failures at their own lives, they seized upon the brilliant idea to earn their 15 minutes of fame by whoring out their then-5-year-old daughter to commercials.
The price for forcing your preschool daughter to work as an adult in the most fucked-up, vacuous, back-stabbing and mind-fucking industry on the planet? Only her misery, down-spiraling depressive states fueled by drug use, sex with strangers, excessive plastic surgery and a particularly lulzy suicide.
Never having to work again and getting back-stage passes to the SAG Awards? Priceless.
Teh Sis
Once you exploit a child, you will do it again, isn’t that right, Oprah?
The Fannings certainly aren’t above it. Meet victim #2, Elle Fanning. One would think that if one child earned you millions, you would spare the other from the only acting work more less dignified thatn pr0n, but no such luck for little Ellie. And no, there absolutely isn’t anything wrong with parading your 7-year-old daughter (un)dressed as America’s #1 sex symbol.
Hounddog
Eagerly anticipated by young-thinking gentlemen everywhere, Hounddog was to be Dakota’s final solution to the Oscar dilemma.
The Film
Hounddog is a feminist film.
There are only two types of male characters in feminist films:
- 1. Rapist. Plot will inevitably have him castrated at some point, sometimes with a pitchfork.
- 2. Doormat. A spineless pussy that does whatever he is told by the heroic females the film revolves around.
By contrast, there are no fewer than ten female archetypes in feminist films:
- 1. Rape victim.
- 2. Rape victim.
- 3. A matriarch, a force-of-nature, a she-god that stands up to the oppressive men and gives succor to the trod-upon womynkind in her sphere of influence. Also, she is a rape victim.
- 4. A precocious girl, a genius that can solve complex calculus problems and memorize the Bard’s sonnets by age five. She is later raped.
- 5. Rape victim.
- 6. Rape victim.
- 7. Rape victim.
- 8. Rape victim.
- 9. Rape victim.
- 10. Your mom. A rape victim. By her son.
The Controversy
Notice that no male children are mentioned as character types? Men are rapists regardless of age, so the little fuck will likely belong in male category #1.
Which is where Hounddog comes, as it were, in.
It is a story about “a troubled 12-year-old girl who finds solace from an abusive life through blues music".
Are you touched yet?
The centerpiece of this wonderful film is a much-maligned scene wherein the girl played by Dakota gets surprise-loved by a 14-year-old boy monster.
The film was penned, produced and directed by one Deborah Jew, whose previous film, Virgin, deals with a teenaged girl who becomes “mysteriously” pregnant. Are you noticing a pattern?
Regrettably, the rape-scene clip has not made it to Les Tubes just yet. Bonus points to any brave soldier that tracks down or uploads it.
The only redeeming feature of this feminazi circle-jill (besides the obvious) is the fact that the film constitutes a major trolling of the completely non-pedophilic christian activists everywhere.
They all claim to not have seen the film, and demand that it be destroyed, its creators arrested, and Dakota’s vagina closely examined (by them) to verify that her hymen remains delicious intact.
The Reactions
Eager fans voice their frustrations on JewTube:
"man I want this to come out, okay, I'm not gonna shave until Hounddog comes out!"
"who rapes who?"
"Elvis rapes Dakota Fanning"
"awesome!"
"WHEN DOES IT FINALLY COME OUT?!"
"i know this sounds really bad but i wanna see the rape scene. just to see why everyones so mad about it."
"Ok people. Dakota Fanning is the greatest child actress I have ever seen. Plus, SHE DOESN'T REALLY GET RAPED. Gosh. There are laws, you know!!! And like anyone would want to get raped...So there."
"she gets raped in the movie cause that little slut has had it coming for a long time; you know she enjoyed it. and ill tell you what happens she takes a 10 incher in the pooper from teh big angry black guy that works on "mastah's" farm and wants revenge for having to put up with that little white bitches shit, motha-fucka!!!!!!!!11!!1!1one! !!11111!1111"
"i love dakota fanning so much and i love cody hanford.. he plays the [rapist] boy at 1:27"
"Does she get raped twice?"
Other Work
Did you know that Dakota-chan voiced Satsuki in the English dub of the eyesore of animu fail that is My Neighbor Totoro?
Like another Jewish director with taste for young flesh, Stephen Spielberg has become a great admirer of Dakota’s acting prowess.
After casting her in his UFO shitfest series Taken, he decided to guarantee the complete ruination of whatever sanity she still clung to by having her indoctrinated in the ways of LRon when he paired her with Tommy Cruise in the cinematic fail that was War of the Worlds.
Dakota’s Fanny, a.k.a. the Wikipedia Article
Dakota is clearly extremely notable; her article has had some 2,000 bona-fide edits (which is more than the whole of Conservapedia has ever had, despite their proud main-page claim).
Vast majority of these 2,000 are petty edit wars and reverts.
Teh Man
The article had been written in 2003 by a guy (surprise!!!), a Mexican by the name of Antonio Martin Santiago, who claims to have a near-native command of Engrish, and whose mile-long user page is in clear violation of WP:Not MySpace.
It has long-winded third-person passages overflowing with unwarranted self importance, and describing his trials and tribulations.
A few highlights from his illustrious life:
- Antonio was diagnosed with Diabeetus at age 9
- he picked up boxing at age 12, and was in a fight so vicious it reminded everybody of “Rocky and Drago in Rocky IV”
- having then decided that boxing wasn’t for him, he set his sights on becoming famous as an actor
- at the ripe young age of 30, he made the ultimate leap on his way to conquering Hollywood: he “earned” a “model’s degree” at John Casablanca’s. In case you were wondering, John Casablanca's makes the likes of ITT Tech look like MIT. They prey on gullible, fugly attention whores the world over by promising them modeling contacts, so long as they pay for their week-long “Modeling Seminar”
- in a stunning turn of events, the “model’s degree” “...didn't help [his] career move forward.”
- after suffering a concussion during a game of football, he was diagnosed with “...small, non life threatening brain damage. Obviously after this, I do not reach the water tank.”
- claims to have a Paki GF to quell suspicions about his interest in the underaged
- became a hero in 2003, when he courageously dialed 911 after a strange lady threw some white powder on his porch. Antonio was disappointed to find that the presumed Anthrax turned out to be “baby talc”.
Teh Poetry
Besides a typical loevs-them-airliners-but-am-too-much-of-a-luser-to-ever-get-a-pilot-license wank-section which contains a complete list of his 108 plastic airplane models (he is 36, remember?), Antonio’s userpage also contains a selection of his poems, two samples of which you will find below:
Please wipe away the tears you have been reduced to by these lyrical gems and donate to Wikipedia now. Only your continued donations can keep the bandwidth for Antonio’s brain-droppings coming!!!
The Original SexMan
His user page also contains a section on “games invented by Antonio” and a very relevant and interesting section "100 famous women I’d do" (We Capitalize Section Titles in English, beaner faggot). The wishlist includes a number of former child-stars, the 93-year-old Nancy Reagan, Kristie Alley, Lucy Liu and Whitney Houston. In spite of, and as proven by, overcompensating by including a number of elderly women on the list, Antonio joins his fellow spic Ricky in being a flaming equal-oportunity (bisexual) pedophile, or bi-ped for short.
—Antonio at his charmingest | ||
Dakota must be truly honored to have her TOW article excreted by a mind as lucent as Antoine's.
Antonio's Fan Mail
Hurr: [email protected].
Dakota’s Future...
...is bleak indeed. Expect her boyfriend-hopping in an unending attempt to fill the emstional void in her soul. It should all culminate in two years’ time with a “D would never do that do it” newd-pix scandal as she reaches for the last weapon in the attention-whoring arsenal.
To tide you over 'till that blessed moment cums, have a fap here, courtesy of our good friends at L'autre Wiki.
See Also
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