Gone Home

THIS IS NOT A GAME

"Gone Home" is a full-on architectural simulator, made by two chick, a fag and a white guy with dreadlocks, wherein you control Kaitlin Greenbriar who will unravel the uninteresting history of her lesbian sister who decided to bail on her military duty in order to scissor with her dyke friend. You can also learn about how her parents don't love each other anymore, her uncle is a child molester who is now a ghost and you will get to experience a lot of 90's references and text... lots and lots of text.

The "game" got steller reviews from videogame websites and videogame critics who were, incidentally, all friends with the creator and told people that this was literally the best game of the year and that they should run out and buy it. When they did buy it they realized this "game" wasn't a game at all.

Story and "Game"play

Despite being advertised as a horror game, it fucking isn't.

At the start you find a note from your sister saying that she is gone and not to go looking for her. This cryptic message is meant to fool you into thinking you're going to be fighting some fucking ghosts or something soon, but you never do.

You wander around in an empty house inside of which your family has spread clues about their whereabouts like the fucking Riddler, because that is wholesome and expected family activity, before abandoning the house outright. You will have to find clues and keys before the next door can be opened, because why would one key fit all the doors in your own fucking house, right? I mean, why would you even have the keys to all the doors in your own house, right!?
Anyway, all you do is walk, click on things, and then another block of text pops up on screen. So the game feels like a simulator of what its like to communicate with your family via post-it notes.

There is no way to fail at this "game." At all. The only challenge this game has is staying awake. The game is linear as fuck and can be completed in less than 90 seconds, which is 90 seconds more than you should play this shit, and overall feels like an old Click&Drag puzzle/adventure game but with all the actual puzzles, adventure and fun taken out.

Of course, white knights and LGBT communities defend this horrible attempt at a game as actually being a game, despite the fact that there is no difference from this and Google Maps with some lesbian fanfiction thrown into it.

Reception

Retards wanting to appeal to all SJW praise this shit as being edgy, simply for having a lesbian character. Nobody else gives a flying fuck, and just sees this as a broken mess of shitty art thrown together with a sprinkle of lesbo flavoring.

An actual review of this shit. Longer than the
actual game, and more interactive.

Even Steam gets this game is nothing but a walking simulator.

How it got positive reviews (Hint: Not by being good)

Gone Home didn't have to actually be good to get good reviews, it only needed to know the right people.

Half the people that reviewed it at first did so before anyone else even knew what the fuck it was and they all gave it a perfect 10/10. You know what else all those people had in common? They all took part in a podcast group called "Idle Thumbs" together with the people who make the game. Others, like the writers at "Polygon", had a personal friendship with the creator for at least two years before that and were invited to that podcast a week before posting the review. Which explaines why Polygon picked this point-and-drag adventure game with all the pointing and draging taken out as their "Game of the Year".

Later this will be used as a perfect example of gaming journalism's corruption during GamerGate. But what do you expect from Polygon? A site who's editor used his position to hire his own brother.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

But What did the Actual Players Think of the "Game"?

Game sites: 10/10. Actual Gamer: Shit/10.

It's shit.

Everyone thought it was shit and were pissed off at all game review sites who told them to buy it either because it championed their gay, left wing ideology, or because the reviewers and the developers were secretly butt-buddies.

So, while reviews from game sites were overwhelmingly good, reviews from actual customers who had just been duped into spending 20$ on 20 minutes of pro-gay propaganda with no gameplay, were overwhelmingly bad. Consisting mostly of "constructive criticism" like: "This is not a game", "This is a walking simulator", "I want my 20$ back" and "I want 5 minutes of my life back".

It actually got to the point that all the gaming sites that gave it high scored had to do followup articles to convince people this is actually a game and beg their army of SJW feminists to give this thing good reviews which is the only reason it didn't get a score of -5,000/10.

Penny Arcade and Dickwolves

The retards behind Gone Home, known as The Fullbright Company, got invited to PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) where they would present their abortion. But someone at Penny Arcade had previously drawn Dickwolves, and by "previously" we mean "about 4 years ago". So Fullbright decided not to go over some drama that was over long ago.

	“	We are a four-person team. Two of us are women and one of us is gay. Gone Home deals in part with LGBT issues. This stuff is important to us, on a lot of different levels. And Penny Arcade is not an entity that we feel welcomed by or comfortable operating alongside.	„
	—"This has something to do with us because rape only happens to gay people", Fullbright

Gone Home Special Edition

And boy do we mean special edition, as you have to be pretty special to buy it.
Here's what you'll get:

The software on a disc. Yes, something nobody uses anymore. It took them 5 whole minutes to put it down onto a disc.
The soundtrack, which is complete rubbish and can be found for free here. It only lasts 17 minutes, which is 17 minutes longer than this turd of a walking simulator.
A fucking sticker.
A notebook filled with incomplete drawings, much like the software actually. How fitting.
Sam and Lonnie's zine. See gallery for details.

Only $29,99 plus shipping and VAT

What you won't get:

A game

	“	The DVD case is adorned with Aleks Sennwald’s fabulous Lisa Frank-inspired binder art, in glorious high-resolution	„
	— Steve the faggot, Not understanding how high resolution doesn't translate to printed materials

Gallery

Keep in mind that only one of them is gay.
That facial expression.
Wikipedia uses "reliable research" policies to remove any criticism of the game. Imagine that.
Kicking against the patriarchy