General Butt Naked: Difference between revisions
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'''General Butt Naked''' ([[Powerword]]:'''Joshua Milton Blahyi'''), is a former warlord, war criminal and [[Sick fuck]] from the world's biggest toilet, [[Liberia]]. | '''General Butt Naked''' ([[Powerword]]: '''Joshua Milton Blahyi'''), is a former warlord, war criminal and [[Sick fuck]] from the world's biggest toilet, [[Liberia]]. | ||
[[File:General_Butt_Naked.jpg|thumb|250px|General Butt Naked, pre-Jesus]] | [[File:General_Butt_Naked.jpg|thumb|250px|General Butt Naked, pre-Jesus]] | ||
Butt Naked rose to fame and received his nickname during the Liberian civil war, when he and his soldiers were walking into battle only wearing sneakers, [[WTF|colorful wigs]] and their guns, believing their nakedness would make them [[BS|invulnerable, and invincible]], which worked mainly because their enemies fled in disgust, and fear of buttsecks. His main enemies were known as the Tupac Army(no shit). | Butt Naked rose to fame and received his nickname during the Liberian civil war, when he and his soldiers were walking into battle only wearing sneakers, [[WTF|colorful wigs]] and their guns, believing their nakedness would make them [[BS|invulnerable, and invincible]], which worked mainly because their enemies fled in disgust, and fear of buttsecks. His main enemies were known as the Tupac Army (no shit). | ||
==eatin pipl== | ==eatin pipl== | ||
Besides being a nudist on the battlefield, Butt Naked is also known for ripping out the hearts of children to consume before battle (because of the embargo on fruit rollups), and to [[OM NOM NOM NOM|snack]] on his fellow human beings in general, whenever possible. | |||
Another favorite pastime of the General was playing soccer with human heads, and indifferent murder of anyone in sight, which led to over 20,000 casualties and 540 goals. | Another favorite pastime of the General was playing soccer with human heads, and indifferent murder of anyone in sight, which led to over 20,000 casualties and 540 goals. | ||
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He now claims all the horrible, unimaginable shit he has done during the war, was through him [[lie|being possessed]] by [[Satan]], and he can't be held responsible, because of Satan duh. An abnormally lame excuse, which in his honor, should be named the Butt-Naked-Defense. Also, white privilege. | He now claims all the horrible, unimaginable shit he has done during the war, was through him [[lie|being possessed]] by [[Satan]], and he can't be held responsible, because of Satan duh. An abnormally lame excuse, which in his honor, should be named the Butt-Naked-Defense. Also, white privilege. | ||
He also claims that between the age of 11 and 25 he had regular meetings with mentioned Lord of Darkness | He also claims that, between the age of 11 and 25, he had regular meetings with said mentioned Lord of Darkness, in which he received orders and advanced training. The reason why, after 14 years of fruitful collaboration, Satan left, may have to do with him being needed elsewhere ([[North Korea]]), or his unwillingness to see Butt Naked's Boner. | ||
Today the General works as the famewhore/president of the [[religion|End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc.]], which makes him the | Today the General works as the famewhore/president of the [[religion|End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc.]], which makes him the Liberian equivalent of blessed sinners like [[Ted Haggard]], but let's be honest people, would you rather skip a church run by a faggot in denial, or one run by a cannibal murderer? | ||
He [[fact|possibly]] gave his church that name because its acronym, ETTEM, is how he thinks you spell Eat 'Em. | He [[fact|possibly]] gave his church that name because its acronym, ETTEM, is how he thinks you spell "Eat 'Em." | ||
==Butt Nekid: The Movie!== | ==Butt Nekid: The Movie!== | ||
Hollywood loves a good | Hollywood loves a good comeback story, especially about nigras, and loves even more to reward the white people who make them. Thus, the incredible 2011 documentary, ''The Redemption of General Butt Naked'', which won the "Excellence in Cinematography Award - Documentary" and the "Black Jesus Statuette" at the Sundance Film Festival. The reviews were fantastic: | ||
<blockquote>"A film that explores both the power and the limitations of faith and forgiveness" – ''Los Angeles Times''</blockquote> | <blockquote>"A film that explores both the power and the limitations of faith and forgiveness" – ''Los Angeles Times''</blockquote> | ||
Revision as of 08:59, 28 January 2015
General Butt Naked (Powerword: Joshua Milton Blahyi), is a former warlord, war criminal and Sick fuck from the world's biggest toilet, Liberia.
Butt Naked rose to fame and received his nickname during the Liberian civil war, when he and his soldiers were walking into battle only wearing sneakers, colorful wigs and their guns, believing their nakedness would make them invulnerable, and invincible, which worked mainly because their enemies fled in disgust, and fear of buttsecks. His main enemies were known as the Tupac Army (no shit).
eatin pipl
Besides being a nudist on the battlefield, Butt Naked is also known for ripping out the hearts of children to consume before battle (because of the embargo on fruit rollups), and to snack on his fellow human beings in general, whenever possible.
Another favorite pastime of the General was playing soccer with human heads, and indifferent murder of anyone in sight, which led to over 20,000 casualties and 540 goals.
Redempshun
After the war, when large scale murder came out of fashion, Butt Naked turned to Jesus, and was instantly forgiven through magick.
He now claims all the horrible, unimaginable shit he has done during the war, was through him being possessed by Satan, and he can't be held responsible, because of Satan duh. An abnormally lame excuse, which in his honor, should be named the Butt-Naked-Defense. Also, white privilege.
He also claims that, between the age of 11 and 25, he had regular meetings with said mentioned Lord of Darkness, in which he received orders and advanced training. The reason why, after 14 years of fruitful collaboration, Satan left, may have to do with him being needed elsewhere (North Korea), or his unwillingness to see Butt Naked's Boner.
Today the General works as the famewhore/president of the End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc., which makes him the Liberian equivalent of blessed sinners like Ted Haggard, but let's be honest people, would you rather skip a church run by a faggot in denial, or one run by a cannibal murderer?
He possibly gave his church that name because its acronym, ETTEM, is how he thinks you spell "Eat 'Em."
Butt Nekid: The Movie!
Hollywood loves a good comeback story, especially about nigras, and loves even more to reward the white people who make them. Thus, the incredible 2011 documentary, The Redemption of General Butt Naked, which won the "Excellence in Cinematography Award - Documentary" and the "Black Jesus Statuette" at the Sundance Film Festival. The reviews were fantastic:
"A film that explores both the power and the limitations of faith and forgiveness" – Los Angeles Times
"This amazing docu confronts the contradictions of reconciliation in a war-ravaged continent" – Variety
"A must-see - 5 out of 5 severed heads!" – Warlord Weekly
External excitement
- VICE profile featuring the General and the shithole that is Liberia
- GeneralButtNakedMovie.com (a site sure to disappoint a lot of gay 'Muricans)
