Jonathan King: Difference between revisions
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Latest revision as of 06:58, 6 September 2015
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Jonathan King is part of the kiddie-sex scandal...
Jim'll Fix It! |
Jonathan King is an infamous composer/producer from the '70s with a lop-sided mouth who had hits in the UK with the songs "Una Paloma Blanca," "Everyone's Gone To The Moon," (an incomprehensible song which he later claimed was deliberately a parody of other incomprehensible songs) and "Hooked On A Feeling/I Don't Want To Be Gay." He was the first person to discover the hamburger and gave it its name.
King is probably more famous for his three child sex abuse charges and subsequent incarceration in 2001. Although he adamantly proclaims his innocence, he still creates controversy with statements like the "dead man's clause," in which he blamed long dead pop star John Lennon for his addiction to young boys' smooth arses.
Online
During his time in chokey King kept an online journal which generated drama in the form of comments like "Paedophile!", 'burn paedophile!", and "'Everyone's Gone To The Moon' is really really shit!" aimed at the fallen record producer. His hardcore fans defended him with comments such as "yes, he may take his love of the kiddies a little too far, but 'Everyone's Gone To The Moon' is a musical masterpiece!"
Recent Developments
Jonathan used his website to lay blame on society and the fact that if he wanted to go out on the streets and pick up young tail, then he should be allowed to do so without being persecuted. The victims of his crimes set the Slander, Slander Salamander on to Jonathan after he made statements mocking them, and Bill Gates immediately shut down his website.
Trolling of b3ta.com
Jonathan recently posted a video on the message board at B3ta causing much butthurt [1]. He also promoted his new film [2] as being of deep intellectual value and social significance.
Vile Pervert: The Musical
King's film, Vile Pervert: The Musical is an autobiographical account a vanity project chronicling all that he went through and about how it's A-OK to be bumming underage kids so long as you're enjoying it and that, by sending him to prison and vilifying him for it, that the media and the general public are effectively doing to him just what people did to Jesus. No, srsly. The washed up old nonce genuinely believes he did nothing fucking wrong.
In the film, King plays all the parts himself because he has no friends. It is, of course, a self-validating, victim blaming absolute piece of irredeemable fucking shit, peppered with annoying, obnoxious songs penned by the so-called 'King of Hits' himself and really crude sub-b3ta animations.
What follows is a censored, YouTube friendly version of the film. In the uncut version, Jonny-boy literally begins the film by exposing his penis and balls.
Vile Pervert II: Electric Boogaloo
Not one to rest on his laurels, Jonno recently shat out another film onto a disinterested YouTube, Vile Pervert: The Sequel. Not nearly as lulzy as his first effort, this difficult second film sees Jonboy try to turn three rather generic looking young women (who are presumably completely unaware of his sordid boy-bothering past) into a new girlband called 'The Space Girls'.
Despite all the stolen artwork and gratuitous shots of Jonathan King's collection of various gold discs (amusingly, many of them for bands he had absolutely nothing to do with the management or success of, but presents to the viewer in such a way as to suggest, "Hey! I used to be a serious big deal in the music industry, guise! I really had my finger on the pulse of what the kids wanted!), there is precious little of interest in this unnecessary, unwanted sequel, until of course, King starts to talk about our beloved Uncle Jim'll and Operation Yewtree at around the 39:11 mark.
Surprise, surprise, the King of sHits truly believes that Jimmy Savile was innocent, despite the overwhelming and irrefutable fucking mountain of actual evidence pointing to the contrary.
On Livevideo
He recently opened up a Livevideo account in order to expand his blogging portfolio,show off his acting ability and to troll fucking everything. The community's reaction was tell him to GTFO; However, Jonathan found an unlikely ally in the form of Argent009[3].
See Also
- Jimmy Savile - The far more successful, heterosexual version of Jonathan King.
Links
- King Of Hits website
- Jonathan King's top ten ice cream flavours
- The website for Jonathan King's new musical
- An excerpt from the musical
- 'Jonathan King writes…' - Jonathan King • Inside Time
- 'Let's hear it for murky lyrics.' - Charlie Brooker • The Guardian
