Colonel Russell Williams
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When you join the army, there are several things you look forward to. Dodging a few bullets to compensate for a life of failure and returning home to live off pensions and benefits is one of them. Even returning wounded to enjoy a lifetime of disability is not so bad. Returning in a flag draped coffin and your wife living off benefits (with Jimbo moving in) sucks, but still, its better than nothing. But what you probably dont look forward to is getting raped and murdered by a bald pedo before even shipping out.
Meet Colonel Russell Williams, aka Colonel Pedobear.
Biography
Colonel Russell Williams was an upstanding Canadian member of the lizard people. His superjew background (Poppa's name was Sovka) allowed him to climb to such heights of the career ladder that ordinary Canadians dream about. While most of you dream of getting laid in college, Russell Williams and his best buddy, Paul Bernardo, were raping and murdering chicks. Normally, such activities call the immediate attention of the partyvan. But being a member of the lizard people has its benefits. The partyvan was called but it framed innocent Canadians who were at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Paul Bernardo had a reputation for flashing masonic signals at the partyvan, and the partycan would do a rickroll for him.
Russell Williams moved into the Canadian Military. A typical ordinary Canadian would never get beyond serving as gunfodder. But Russell Williams with his lizardy connections climbed up the ranks as if he were in a game of Snakes and Ladders. He became captain of the 412 Transport Squadron in Ottawa, which was a special air force for moving around high ranking fellow lizard people. The lizard people never trust the typical Canadian sheeple for this kind of stuff, because sometimes they are also moving around Madeleine McCann. He was captain of the plane that transported the Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper. One of the stewardesses on this plane, Corporal Marie-France Comeau, was found raped and murdered outside her home. Williams was later charged with her murder.
Russell Williams obtained a Master of Defence Studies designation, while writing a paper that supported attacking Iraq without due cause. He then climbed up theb ladder once again, faster than Mario on a mushroom, to become a commanding officer of Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan. He then became commander of the Canadian forces base in Trenton, which is Canada's biggest military base.
Pedobear Career
When Russell Williams was not busy doing Reptillian agenda, he was devoting his spare time to rape-murders. There were several rape-murders that took place in the vicinity of Canadian army bases but no one was ever charged.
Later investigation revealed that Russell Williams had classified police reports of his activities, thanks to reptilians within the police. This allowed him to always stay one step ahead.
He would later be charged with 82 break-ins. Williams would steal the underwears of girls as little as 6 in these breakins. He would also pose for the camera in them, sometimes weraing them on top of his army uniform.
And how did he do this without being noticed? He would drop into victim's backyards by parachuting right in, and later being extracted by the Canadian Air Force's Sea King helicopter. Talk about putting your Splinter Cell skills to use. The helicopter used, PEDO1, has been reported missing ever since Williams was v&.
V&
All was going fine and Williams was going by the mantra of a rape a day keeps the blues away. Then he decided to rape-murder Jessica Lloyd. Confident that the lizard people in the police department would bury the evidence, Russell Williams moved on with his life. But two junior police officers were once doing a check on the tire treads of cars by stopping cars in the vicinity (Canadian police still use horses instead of partyvan). Russell Williams happened to be driving that particular vehicle at that time and was in the vicinity. Before he could speed-dial his Reptillian contacts, the officers alerted everyone of him being a suspect. Realising that it was too late for a cover-up, Reptillians decided to allow his arrest and he will spend time in a country club for a few years.
Coverup
The media quickly tried to cover things up, by claiming that Russel Williams was an unusual case of a Pedobear who didnt drive around in a panel van, but intead flew the Prime Minister's personal plane, and that depression made him do it. His wife, who was obviously an active participant in these activities was quickly shielded. She even managed to get compensation from police about "damages" done to her home during the police search.
In reality there could have been hundreds of victims.
Aftermath
- Since the Canadian military was bound to see an influx of Colonel Pedobear wannabe's. The Canadian military quickly distanced itself from Williams. They even went to the extent of burning his uniform to discourage Pedobear.
- Canada also dropped all references to bear and polar bear, since they are sometimes synonymous with Pedobear.
- Canada was formally recognised as being the first country to have Pedobear in a Colonel format.
- Since Russell Williams stole hundreds of thousands of underwear between 2001 and 2010, there is a statistical chance that if your underwear went missing during this period and if you live in North America, the bald pedo took it. Realising the complexity of the situation, Canada has introduced an underwear refund program, as the estimated value of all underwear stolen by the bald pedo is around $1.1 Billion dollars. You too can claim damages for lost underwear by simply contacting the Canadian Military. Suggested wording (Dont put in your address, dumbass):
Assistant Deputy Minister (Public Affairs) Department of National Defence National Defence Headquarters Major-General George R. Pearkes Building 101 Colonel By Drive Ottawa, Ontario, Canada K1A 0K2
Facsimile: 613-992-4739
E-mail: [email protected] Phone: 1-800-856-8488
RE: Underwear Refund Program
Dear Sir,
I read on a website that if there is reason to believe that Colonel Russell Williams stole my underwear, I would get a refund from Canada, given the complexity of arranging torts for the thousands of pieces of underwear Mr. Williams stole throughout North America. Please reimburse me US$42.99 (NOT YOUR CHEAP CANADIAN DOLLARS) for a piece of Calvin Klein mens underwear that I have been unable to locate since July 1st 2007.
My email address is [email protected]. I accept Paypal.
Thank you, and I appreciate your country's support for the War on Terror. 911-NEVAR 4GET NEVAR 4GIVE. If I ever drive to Michigan, I will be sure to visit your beautiful country.
Sincerely
/b/
- Colonel Russell Williams is also credited for the short-lived meme, BRB RAPE.
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