Spore
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This page has potential but it needs a lot of work. It could benefit from more info on the game mechanic, plus lulz. And perhaps more penises. Discuss edits that might add to the lulz on this article's talk page. |
Spore is a series of games from the creators of The Sims that has been released. It consists of a scaled-down iPhone version, the game itself, and a standalone version of the Creature Creator - a utility that lets you custom design giant walking genitalia with which you can inhabit your world. Spore lets you play god and harness the power of the universe from the comfort of your mom's basement. The game was released in Europe and other continents several days before the U.S.A. version was released on the seventh of September.
Sporn
Rule 34 worked its way onto Spore (even before the game was released!). Sporn (which is a lulzy combination of the words spore and porn) is where, using the Creature Creator or the Spore game itself, an ungodly abomination resembling human genitalia is created. The word 'Sporn' also applies to all sort of other fucked up shit, such as a floor-fucking turtle, an alien fapping, and other stuff that would make the Rule 34 website feel like gazing at the beauty and purity of nature with Jesus by your side. This practice was, of course, banhammered, but that didn't stop people, as most of them either got the standalone creator for free or realized that the game was so shitty a few lulz were well worth a ban.
Creature Creator
The Creature Creator, available for download at http://www.spore.com/trial, is a completely free form creature sandbox in which you combine and customize components to create the creature of your dreams. The Spore website is filled with detailed and unique creatures, including a train and a chair. Wow! /b/'s first reaction, upon seeing what the boring parts of the web were up to, was to create walking penis creatures, floating penis creatures, flying penis creatures, penis creatures that slither around like snakes, normal animals covered in penises, and every one of the 150 original Pokemon.
The Creature Creator was big Internews and everybody got all hard and sweaty over it, with useless social retards proclaiming it as proof positive that this unreleased game was destined for greatness, reserving Spore a place between System Shock and Fallout in the Pantheon Of Games So Fucking Good You Forget Your Pathetic Life And Talk About Them Forever Because Holy Shit They're Just That Fucking Good.
Then, Spore was released.
The Game
One of the most heavily advertised features of Spore is that other players' creatures will automatically be downloaded to your world and interact with your creations. At first, it was feared the Spore universe would be so heavily saturated with various dong-themed monsters that not a single player will be able to rule his universe without encountering some form of living cock. Unfortunately, for the /b/tards at 4chan, EA has made it so that any account that uploads a porn beast will suffer butthurt.
Disaster averted. Mission accomplished.
And lest we forget...
That's right. A Goatse alien. It's as if all your nightmares rolled into one.
Phases
Spore has five different phases the player must play through, Cell Phase, The Creature Phase, The Tribal Phase, The Civilization Phase, and The Space Phase. There is also a secret ending if you get to the center of the galaxy.
Each phase is marketed as "open-ended," giving the player freedom to explore until they choose to advance. Unfortunately, it's pointless because there's jack-shit to do after you beat a level. Each stage has a single goal, and nothing else. The only reason(?) to hang around is to collect body parts that live in that level. Even this is pointless, unless you ABSOLUTELY need to get that friggin' monkey tail.
Cell Stage
Cell phase is brainless. No, really; the objective of it is to acquire a brain as your creature does not posses one, although it has eyes (side note, early protozoic organisms have been shown to have had light-sensitive pits (e.g. eyes) whilst possessing no cognitive functions. lrn2 taxis/kinesis, dickwad). This is achieved by eating. You can choose to be carnivore, herbivore, or omnivore. The latter consists of having a little anti-penis for a mouth and sucking the life essence out of every creature small and stupid enough. After you've done this a SHITLOAD of times, you may proceed to the...
Creature Stage
Your creatures (they are quite a bunch now) emerge from the water, and the game tells you that they need moar brain. You already noticed that, however, since the very first moment you saw how retarded they look and move. Your creature has to evolve. "Evolution" as defined by Spore involves literally finding new body parts just sort of sitting around on the beach, waiting to be picked up and assimilated into your burgeoning Penismonster's genetic core. Your objective now is to either eradicate every other species on the planet (so nobody would notice how stupid your creature is in comparison) or to eat lots of fruit. "Combat" in the Creature phase - about the only entertaining part of the game (possibly because it's over in about three minutes) is blatantly torn directly from World of Warcraft, which, it should be noted, shrugs off the notion of "skill" in favor of "hammer your buttons until the bad things go away". Your creature is extremely stupid and thus dies a lot. As result, all creatures in Spore are hermaphrodites for the purpose of not running out of things to sex. This means it can fuck with anything that looks like it, including its mother. After a few hours of wandering the creepy, minuscule wasteland Maxis dares to call a world, natural selection, Spore's only take at actual evolution, eventually kicks in and the first non-retarded but "just stupid" generation is born. You'll have to make it do for...
Tribal Stage
Your creature uses its atrophiated hindlegs to make its first step into civilization, officially becoming the first sentient penis. You soon realize that other creatures have achieved sentience and are as smart as your creature. This, we cannot have! You can either obliterate them or befriend them, though if the latter is done they disappear from the face of your little universe anyway. The sexual perversions are over, as children now magically pop out a hut (an empty one at that), and are put to work as soon as they are big enough. You can train these children to either die for their country as soldiers eradicating all other species or to die for their country as performers and pretend you're not gonna make your rivals mysteriously disappear. Wright was afraid his mouth-breathing fanbase would flee in droves if any strategy over "Make sure you have more troops than your opponent" was required, so Tribal Stage consists in gathering food and making moar and MOAR children out of said food, somehow. Once you've done this enough, thou shalt proceed to the...
Civilization Stage
Tribes don't count as Civilizations, as everybody knows, hence the name. Either that or because the gameplay is ripped of from the game of the same name. Maxis also calls this "City Stage" sometimes; good for them. Well, you're done eliminating those who do not look like you, so your own kin is next. The little bastards have stabilized other cities, threatening your supreme dominance, so you're gonna make a lot of vehicles and bomb the crap out of them use your superior tactics to overwhelm them. Speaking of which, say goodbye to your creature. All you can see now are vehicles and buildings, the creatures themselves (the whole point of the game) being a rare sight. Oh! But you can edit the building and vehicles! Alternatively, you can use the power of love and brain-washing propaganda to unite the entire world in peace, but nobody gives a fuck. Once you've turned the world into a war-torn desert, in which only your city with a population of at least 100 stands, your species is on its prime and it is time for the entire universe to feel your wrath!
Space Stage
By the time Space Stage, touted as "The Real Game" is reached, it has basically become impossible to Give the Slightest Shit. Your half-brained, armless penis creature has somehow managed to survive all this time, and even worse, managed to pull a few metal scraps together and make a rocket out of it. Said creature is also nearly invisible now, as you now a control a lame UFO that you probably shaped as a penis as well. What's with you and penises? Anyway, the space is... kinda... there. You're now "free" to explore its vastness, wander in its immensity, travel in it greatness, etc. The more you explore, the more aliens you meet, the more they ask you to help them. They call you every 30 seconds to bitch about being under attack, they want money, turkey's a little dry, etc, because they're bloody-well incapable of solving their own damn problems. So you gotta find their planet (out of billions of stars), go there, and do something ridiculous: "Please kill 5 of our cows to stop global warming". And you wondered why did you have to kill everyone else back in Tribe Stage. You soon realize that the universe kinda sucks, and there's nothing to do in there; at this point, you probably already heard of the Grox, a race of furry Borg bound to destroy all other creatures. They don't even assimilate them; they deny that they would like to assimilate penises. Bored as shit, you decide to go into the center of the galaxy and kill them all. You dun' goofed. They start shooting your spaceship and there's nothing you can do unless you enter in their planet, as apparently you cannot shoot back in the vacuum of space. You can also befriend the Grox, and it will be the first time you will care about making allies in this game, as in this case it involves committing many atrocities. After 40-60 of repetitive gameplay, I mean, sandbox, you can finally enter the center of the galaxy. Inside there's a robot called Steve and he gives you a stick. So...
Become an hero stage
You hit capslock, write a rage letter to Maxis and quit IRL.
Spore Drama
Some argue that Will Wright fucked over fans by hyping up a game with a complex play style that would be revolutionary and then dumbing it down and serving a pile of utter shit. This was done so that anyone can play Spore, because now days games are no longer aimed at gamers
In response, the fans formed an angry mob and kidnapped Will Wright's wife and children. They were found dead a week later in a dumpster with their limbs cut off and glued to some other people to "evolve" them. Police announced that their motives were the spore lulz because they knew Will Wright would make it a theme for an expansion.
The Grox
Protips For The Grox:
- If you start near the center, YOU FUCKING LOSE. NO EXCEPTIONS.
- When told to go meet the Grox, don't or else spend the next 20 hours defending against them.
- You need OVER 9000 Planet busters to even attempt to phase them.
- Bring allies, they won't help you in battle, but will distract the Grox until they die in 10 seconds.
- Grox can't live on planets that are the least bit habitable. So bring your water guns and fill their lava pits.
- If your species of dong-faced Mudkips beats the Grox, you have won the game.
- If your a pussy you could ally the Grox.
But most of all never try to fight them. They have over 9,000 colonies (not a meme in this case), you cannot fuck their shit up. The most important thing in Spore is to remember the game hates you. It will tell you to go meet the Grox, and then you will spend 50 hours defending against them every 5 minutes, because a good game tells you to fuck yourself over.
Sporewiki
SporeWiki was founded by Zorlac on January 7, 1962. It was created as a means of cataloging all information about the upcoming failiure (and on other platforms as well) game Spore. This site was created as a wiki because it was intended to be expanded and explored by the Spore fan community as a whole. Anyone can expand any page or add more pages to SporeWiki to further explain this "incredible" game. The community there is willing to help with any questions about Department Spore itself or about the Desk functioning of SporeWiki.
In a few days after Spore was released, admin Morgoth1145 demanded that all other admins delete all concept pages (yes, the ones that has been there since the wiki began almost 4 years earlier, and that make up a high percentage of the wiki) while he lay back and took it in the ass. OluapPlayer was the most determined admin, deleting all the concept pages (yes, over 9000) in a single day.
Sporewiki has few notable members:
OluapPlayer: A cunt from Mexican.
Morgoth1145: A baby who uses his admin powers to get his own way.
Ose: World of Warcraft loving Retard. Does not, in fact, own a copy of Spore.
TimeMaster: 11-year-old Idiot who thinks he is an admin.
Shadowraptor101: A 2 year old fag who thinks he owns the wiki. (and everything else for that matter)
These users are wary of new users, and accuse you of vandalism should you correct OluapPlayer's disgustingly bad english, or create a new page. The users are also "report" others, by telling OluapPlayer on his talk page: "User vandalized Page and needs to be banned!" even though the user probably only added the space needed for templates to work.
In mid February, one single IP address attacked SporeWiki, posting child porn and creating pages saying Sporewiki has been raided by 7chan (no, srsly), and due to a Wikia exploit, could not be banned. He created a new accounts and made one page with each of them until they banned him again, and the admins here are so stupid, they thought it was more than one person. Soon after this, the admins posted notices on the wikia, saying such nonsense as "Victory to Sporewiki!" and "The vandals surrendered!".
Morgoth1145 is also responsible for perma-banning IPs (big no-no on wikia), adding the words "Content:" before every page on the wiki and deleting redirects.
Sporewiki was, is, and always will be, a breeding ground for faggots of the highest order.
Anti-Spore
The biggest troll in gaming history trolls people into buying he's a christian fanatic and a failure
We all knew it had to happen, someone decided to make a site declaring that Spore was an attack on the Christian religion and that the game at times was too graphic for children. (LOLOLOL Posting Alien Porn drives off the kiddies.) The site is extremely reliable and contains actiony, amazing, mind-boggling news such as. E.A. Stock Is Down and Will Wright is an evil super Nazi who is the direct decent of Hitler himself. (To see more of the breaking action news head over to WWW.Antispore.com)
All note - creator of this site needs to be raped.
EDIT - Site is an example of Poe's Law (If there is no obvious use of sarcasm, it is impossible to discern the difference between ACTUAL Fundamentalist propaganda and someone imitating it). Proof: see last few lines of the last post.
LULZ EVERYONE GOT RICKROLLED! http://www.antispore.com/ all is revealed in 'the real about page'. people were still too dumb to realize the hoax. read comments on his last post.
The Text. - But the Bible teaches us that God was not done with man. For we were His creation and He then spoke to Noah in Genesis 8:21-27 after the flood. “21. The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never gonna give you up. 22. “Never gonna let you down.” 23.”Never gonna run around and desert you.” 24. “Never gonna make you cry.” 25. “Never gonna say goodbye.” 26. “Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.” 27.”Never truly believe anything you read on the Internet. There will always be cases of Poe’s Law.”
Aren't hoaxes fun when everyone believes them.
The Banning of Rebecca1208
An incident where a member was banned for saying the fuck, which apparently is too mature for spore fans. This created massive lulz when a petition thread was made on the spore forum. It soon turned into a massive orgy of posts spawning more than 204 pages in one day. Maxis and EA though, being the arrogant assholes they are, decided to ignore this. This made the community extremely pissed, and uploaded her newest creation, which she was banned before she could upload it, called Eden. It immediately took over the entire "Most Popular Section". Soon Over 9000 of these creatures dominated spore, which means the mods had to get off their asses and talk about it. This happened strangely on the 4th of July. After this thread was deleted for "Too many posts", a new thread was made. She was later unbanned. But then she got banned again, this time a christfag at EA got butthurt when she said "god damn". She was unbanned soon after she knew why. There was some other bannings similar to this, as spore mods really like to use the ban hammer.
Spore's DRM Backfires
Like FunnyJunk licking the bottom of 4chan's boots for images, EA scraped SecuROM off the pavement after 2K threw it out the window like a red-headed baby. The money grubbing corporate bastard's plan was to not only require a constant internet connection to EA's shitty, poorly maintained server, but also to limit the number of times a single copy could be installed, 'cause fuck you paying customers. This plan, like many schemes to round up more jewgolds, backfired miserably. In a twist of irony, Spore became the most highly pirated sentient penis simulator of all time, wracking up 500,000 downloads on Bit Torrent within the first fucking week. The limited install restriction stirred much butthurt as well, enough to make EA apologize for being huge noobs, almost as famous as the Final Fantasy online fiasco. EA, being perfectly capable of learning from previous mistakes, would later fuck up with the release of SimCity and lock out millions of angry consumers from accessing their stupid, unnecessary 3D remake.
Gallery
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The dumbest fucking thing to ever live is back! And this time you can see it eaten by a giant dick! -
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DO NOT WANT -
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Jew -
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Portal turret -
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Charizard -
Dugtrio -
Pinsir -
Venusaur -
Strawbeary, get it? It's a pun! -
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Eden
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External Links
- Spore.com
- antispore.com - A site run by elaborate trolls.
YouTubes
Spore: Creationist Edition- Mudkip
- Pedobear
- Slowpoke
- Longcat
- Battletoads?
- Moar Goatse
- Tubgirl
- Boobies
- GIANT ENEMY CRABS
- The "FUCK" Slug
- Robin Williams Plays Spore
- GTA IV Shops
- Sporeout 3: Part 1
- Sporeout 3: Part 2
OVAR 9000 PENISES
- Penis Monster
- Walking Penis
- "Erectus Penile"
- And Another
- Giant Pen0r
- "Cockasuarus"
- "The One-Eyed Monster"
- "Floppy" the Dickgirl
- "Big & Black"
- Cock Monster
See Also
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Spore is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| Spore is part of a Series on Cyberpets |
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