Etymology

Etymology is the science of tracing words through history to reveal their secret Scrabbalah word score.

History

Middle-aged African American women originated most of the words in the modern English language.

Etymology is all about history because history is what etymology is all about. Languages reflect history through the bastardization of words by renegade colonies, or through the slow process of what Wikipedophiles call "the euphemism treadmill" - which translates to mundane speech as "people like to offend others".

What etymology is useful for beyond amusing anecdotes is not currently known, and the international scientific community has not yet been able to secure the funding required to find out.

Amusing Anecdotes

Philistine

Back in Biblical times, the Jews carried around a large object called the Ark of the Covenant. It was a magical box full of uncountable demons that God had slain and imprisoned there to bless the Jews during their bloody wars. One time, while the Jews were fighting it out with the Philistines (the ancient Palestinians), the Ark was stolen. The clever and resourceful Philistines had created a diversion and then ran off with the magical box so that they could use the demons inside to defeat the Jews. The Jews, however, went berserk for a thousands of years and promptly pwned the Philistines. From that time forth, a "philistine" was someone who didn't appreciate the Ark. This meaning was later corrupted by a rash of cleft-lip birth defects into "someone who didn't appreciate art".

Boring

Derived from the city of Boring in Oregan. The city itself was named after the settlers' success at fighting off the twelve-foot bears in the area—"bore" being the past tense of "bear"—but the success was a hollow one. Without the desperate fight for their lives that the settlers had grown accustomed to, they found life very dull. Thus, the name of a city which overcame a bothersome beast and had become a symbol of courage to its nation became synonymous with the dull and dreary trudge forward in a life without hope.

Awful

For some reason "awful" now means "bad": instead of its original meaning "full of awe"; it would make more sense for "awesome" to mean what "awful" currently means.

External Links

• Conservapedia stolen version