Family Guy

Typical reaction to watching Family Guy.

Family Guy bingo, where everyone's a winner!

There is a show broadcasted by Fox that doesn't deserve the euphemistic labels of 'Autistic' or 'Retarded'. Rather, the shorthand title aptly explains in acronym form its true description, you see Family Guy or FG actually stands for Fake and Gay. Nothing further is to be expected from this "show" and should (as advised pre-airing) be viewed with extreme discretion as watching this show has more severe mind-numbing properties than alcohol, meth, T.V., /b/, or worst of all, weed.

The haphazard plot lines when broadcast through the airwaves are so awful they literally cause a scent to belch from the speakers of any receiving television, thus explaining the wretched sulfuric diarrhea stench that all FG fans reek of. This however only explains only about twelve percent of the demographic, the remaining eighty-eight percent are comprised of neglected infants who already smell of shit, and of course neglected youth from about age five and above who are too busy emitting pubescent, berry-scented hormones which attract pedophiles, masking the shit smell still to come when they reach the drinking age for all FG fans: <16

Family Guy has irrelevant social commentary, toilet humor, cheap animation, and anything else foul or esoteric, and any true person or EDiot will find that the plot, though pockmarked at every turn with distracting cutaways, has the overall simplicity and streamlining one would come to expect from kids shows such as Teen Titans Go!, Johnny Test, Regular Show, The Amazing World of Gumball, Clarence, or Adventure Time, all of which airs on the same channel as Family Guy: Cartoon Netwerk, proving once and for all that all of televised animation is targeted towards children and olchi. 

Like 96% of all shows on Faux, Family Guy has a cast of one dimensional, unoriginal characters, of which being a family whose main selling points are the sped father, a whore wife, two or so damaged kids, an English-speaking pet/alien/something else and a hideously deformed, extraneous homosexual. All of these characters were concocted in the cyclical-thinking mind of Seth MacFarlane, creator of even less entertaining deviations such as American Dad! and the White Nigger Variety Show. 

These all have a range of five to seven main characters and countless secondary and tertiary peons that, at any given time, will without fail persistently undergo completely unrealistic uncyclopedic adventures, and no matter what they do, such as bomb children's hospitals, inject themselves with the disease and have eleven way orgies, kill hundreds upon thousands of people while fighting humanoid fowl, or summon the Kool-Aid Man in a courthouse, everything returns to normal by the next week and no consequences ever occur, during which not a single lol is produced, and only indirectly does the program create some lulz when impressionable children try all of this and wind up killing themselves or others.

The show was canceled twice for good reason, but after the Great Retard Revolt of '04 F(a)G gave itself the James Woods revitalization routine and was reborn into even worse crap than it was originally, like James Woods. It now often crosses lines that ED crossed far before FG even dared to even consider hinting at it, and is still the epitome of plagiarism of such long-standing shows as The Simpsons, which has only remained popular due to the yellow-skinned majority of its cast, easing unwarranted racial guilt felt by the white man, and thus discretely displacing it upon those god-awful Chinks.

Characters

The Griffins

• Peter Griffin: Peter is perhaps the wittiest allegory ever devised and broadcast on television, although this isn't an achievement in the slightest, as all of television has been terrible since the dawn of time when Andy Griffith first emerged from the primordial ooze. He is the main character, humor point, and sex appeal of the show and is, as described in the show, just under the line of retardation and far above the inferior intellect of creationists. This is the only fact ever stated in the 14+ years the show has eeled by. He was an attempted abortion and an illegal immigrant, but this still does not change the fact he is the everyman of the show.

• Lois Griffin: The role model of the show, who's had bouts with anorexia, bulimia, petty theft, celebrity phallic molding, meth, having birth defected children, having sex with whales (see above) and who could forget sending another character to rape a sixteen year old, Lois, is an almost disowned heiress of her parent's fortune who has a sister only loved by batman and an estranged whaler for a brother. She is rarely seen doing any work around the house, and is sparsely revered for her womanhood and is rarely respected by her persona (as if there is anything to respect). She is basically the coagulated, crusty shit heap representation of girls, women, and subhuman feminists and accurately describes the female gender as a whole.

• Chris Griffin: Chris is a butterball, elephant child Sped much like his father and has a sack chin and a penis hidden under a mile of blubber. He has never had sex with a human, only with the evil monkey that at one time lived in his closet.

• Meg Griffin: Meg is the spittoon, garbage can, port-o-john, punching bag, and date rape of FG. Her heart is located on her head, and she wears a pink condom to hide it, which she has never washed. She has dated prisoners, dead bodies, black market organ harvesters, and a few other one-time characters. That being said, she has still gone on more dates than you and as she has had sex with a corpse, A Jew, A Dog, Her Brother and A Medical Student, she has also gotten laid more times than you.

• Stewie Griffin: Stewie is a subliminal ploy by Seth MacFarlane to create a new age of homosexuals that, in his eyes, will one day take over the earth. Stewie is a closet case baby who has had his head elongated into the shape of a football due to the massive size of Lois's vagina and very frequently tries to solicit sex from every male character, including Brian, who is a dog.

• Brian Griffin: Brian Griffin is, in human years a college dropout, liberal thinking atheist (sound familiar?) who is constantly tries to push and plug his dreadful furry fan fiction and abominable novel. He is the embodiment of the show's creator in that Seth MacFarlane has a penis that retracts into him when he stands up, and acts as an excuse for Seth to shove his political opinions into a cartoon aimed at stoned college students. Strangely, women are drawn into his pseudo-intellectualism and though he can only nail dumb GOTIS broads with his dog dick, and knows it, he still continues to be a pompous asshole who drives a Prius, he is yet to confess his gay love for his butt buddy, Stewie.

• • On 11/24/2013 Brian became an hero and was killed off in a desperate attempt to steal the hype that The Simpsons had built promising a character death (proving once again that MacFaglane is an unoriginal Jew who only wants the moniez). This has caused much whining in the fanbase (the same fanbase that won't let this series die) as virgins forevermore mourn the incredibly cheesy death of a cartoon dog, who was nothing more than a Mary Sue self-insert. An unfunny attempt at stirring up lazy drama revolving around sympathy for a self-inserted character in an over-hyped and unoriginal comedy with a minimalist art style? Where does this seem familiar?

• Vinnie: Italian dog temporarily replacing Brian. When he isn't being the most likable character in the show (since nobody in the show sets the standard too high), he's making the same Italian jokes that we've heard a million times.

Secondary characters

• Glenn Quagmire: His last name means a bad situation, which is the perfect identification for the show itself. Quagmire trolls everywhere and anywhere for dat ass, and is more one dimensional than anybody else in the show. He also hates Brian for many truthful reasons on why he sucks as a living being. According to fan speculation, Brian was outright murdered instead of merely killed by an unmarked car whose windows we can't see inside, and that Quagmire might have been the driver responsible.

• Cleveland Brown: Token black character. The most boring of Peter's clique, he talks slow only to piss off viewers. This was of course before what is equivalent to the 9/11 of television when this portly, black bastard got his own far worse than mediocre show. (P.S. The guy who voices him is white).

• Joe Swanson: Some gimp or whatever, can't piss, masturbate, has to use BDSM to poo, has a daughter who was sewn in the vagina for like ten years and a son who faked his death after seeing some old dude he didn't know die. He makes everyone who doesn't used ED feel bad, everyone who uses ED lol and /b/tards laugh as they violate and defile every facet of reality. He is the least interesting character there is and has a shitty backstory of being a cop who first got crippled by the Grinch, but Seth was like "Psych! Lol" and made him crippled through some undercover shit or something.

Season 8's new art style

Starting with season 8, the show switched to lazy puppet animation relying on only 4 views usually being 3/4 views, the characters being geometrical and ugly.

The fucking chicken

In the show's great tradition of jokes that go for way, way, way too long, in an early episode there was a several-minute-long extremely unfunny scene where Peter fought a man in a chicken suit. For some reason Seth thought people liked this "joke" and so he bought it back several times and it is now about 40% of the show's content. It is so popular, in fact, that it has an entire DVD committed only to showcasing the battles. Don't believe me?

Criticisms

"...like that time we made a 34."

Nothing more can be said about how pitiful this show is. Even the Rule 34 is bad (see right), whenever FG porn trickles its way into the manifolds of /b/ everyone goes flaccid and the thread dies of cancer, which it would have had initially anyway.

It should be noted that, while Simpsons fans accuse Family Guy of unoriginality (in which they are absolutely right), The Simpsons itself has merely employed the same formulaic cartoon-like jokes as shown in hundreds of animated series, but with utter disregard for any facet of popular or modern culture (which is why The Simpsons remains popular with nerds and virgin Slashdot fanboys who have no relation with the outside world, although it can't touch Family Guy in that regard).

This awful show has no continuity at all. In an episode of South Park Matt Stone and Trey Parker attempt to "reveal" how exactly all the retarded, unfunny flashbacks were created: manatees and balls. Of course this was already apparent to anyone with an IQ over 85 but it took South Park to point this out to South Park fans and this was accepted as gospel.

Family Guy fans, of course, were filled with disbelief. This led to them being silent for an entire minute as they digested this fact, in what has come to be known as, "the greatest minute ever spent with Family Guy fans, ever".

Openly pedophiliac creator Seth MacFarlane has also come under criticism for pushing his politics on the show and other faggotry like his love of adding pointless musical numbers to inflict his 'singing', which only he considers special. Like the dog on the show, Seth MacFarlane is a liberal with a gay cousin. The dog went from an unfunny background character to having entire episodes built around him being a pretentious asshole and banging hot chicks. Which means MacFarlane is living out his fantasies through a fucking animal and is goddamn furry queer.

Family Guy may as well be created by Eric Bauman by padding all of its new content with stolen memes from the Internets so newfags can giggle and ask their middle school friends if they saw that one episode over AIM.

Since all the series writers and producers are self-hating Jews, the show has sparked major lolage with its anti-semitic content.

Writing

The secret to writing a good Family Guy episode is this simple formula.

• Step 1: Start every joke with "You think THAT'S bad, remember the time I..."
• Step 2: Mix two pop culture references that were popular before 1990 "...hung out with Michael J. Fox in the Mushroom Kingdom?"
• Step 3: Your punchline should involve a sex joke or an attack on Bush that was rejected from The Daily Show.
  • Michael J. Fox: Oh, hi Peter! Is it just me or are these shrooms making you shake?
  • Peter Griffin: I think you have Parkinsons.
  • Michael J. Fox: Phew, I thought we contracted AIDS.
  • Peter Griffin (Grabs Fox): NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW!!!
• Step 4: Fill up remaining fifteen minutes with an entire shitty 80s music video, use cheap cinematic effects if necessary.

Fandom

The fandom consists of autistic people, the mentally retarded, 13-year-old boys, high school dropouts, Chris-chan, and stoned college kids who chant quotes from the show like mantras. Some of them will excuse the fact that the show is 80 percent fart jokes by prattling on about post-modernism. It was once thought that any fan of Family Guy was probably also a fantard of Dane Cook, another unfunny retard. Like Cook fans, Family Guy fans tend to be loud, obnoxious, and pretentious due to them emulating the material. This myth was busted in a recent episode, where it makes fun of Dane Cook and his followers.

Ironically, you are guaranteed to get laid by fat chicks who never get laid, if you act like you're a Family Guy fan on any college campus. Being (or even pretending to be) a fan will negate any antisocial traits you may exhibit from being an anime fan.

If one were to insult Family Guy to a fan, said fan would likely rant on how much you "have no sense of humor" and will continue on for hours about how much "you suck", while telling you that "you should like Family Guy because it is your type of humor." However, anyone that actually has a sense of humor doesn't find anything funny in such utter faggotry. People who like Family Guy should do the world a favor and become an hero.

American Dad!

Same shit, different show

In 2005, When Family Guy was canceled for the 9,001st time, libtard creator Seth MacFaggot decided to recast the show and call it American Dad!. The reincarnation is exactly the same show, only Peter is replaced by Joe who HAS HIS FUCKING LEGS AND CAN WALK and is also a CIA agent, Lois has blonde hair and is even moar of a bitch, Chris is a girl, Meg is a boy (and is even more of a faggot), and instead of an evil baby and a talking dog there's an evil talking fish and a faggot alien. The talking faggot fish is also an unfunny Meg rip-off. The faggot alien character even "punted" him in that Hurricane episode. The faggot alien and both Family Guy and American Dad! are an expression of Seth MacFarlane penchant for weird gender bending fetishes. The alien's obsession for wigs and make-up are an expression of Seth's ghey hair and make-up fetishes.

American Dad! is one tiny iota better than Family Guy because it lacks remember when... flashback jokes.

Disregard that previous statement. Unlike the "chicken man" in Family Guy who is an actually bipedal and sentient chicken, it turns out there is a full-on fursuit-wearing furfag in American Dad!, Stan's boss (revealed in "The Missing Kink"). It even has a gay-ass song about fetishes, and pulls the stereotypical bullshit trying to claim that furries are normal and that it shouldn't be discriminated against... because you definitely see piles of inhuman crime-against-nature porn flooding the Internet in incomprehensibly huge amounts every day that isn't furry, right MacFailin? So either MacFailin is a furry, or a furry sympathizer (as are all Adult Swim show producers and viewers). Fuck it, he's both. This particular furry is a legitimate person (unlike every other previous furry hes shown), albeit a drug-addict, sex-addict, and mentally unstable. He's ultimately an old, lonely social disease carrier, and is also shown to wear a fursuit and take part in furpiles, AKA a big disgusting pile of sweaty men in jizz-stained animal costumes, sometimes pretending to be women, if not outright flaming homosexuals.

It should be noted that the episode in question isn't the first time Stan's co-workers have been depicted as furries.

The Cleveland Show

Even the most rabid Family Guy fanboy has a tough time defending this steaming pile of shit

But wait, there's MORE! Back in 2009, King of the Hill was replaced with another Family Guy spinoff starring the show's token nigra character, Cleveland! DISREGARD THAT! As of May 19th, 2013, The Cleveland Show ended its fourth season and was not renewed for a fifth. The show had 88 episodes in total (Which just so happens to be the exact number of episodes needed these days for a show to be eligible for syndication) meaning that FOX knew it was shit and destined to fail from the start and just kept renewing it to keep Seth happy and try and make there money back through syndication deals (Seriously, they renewed it for a second season before the pilot even aired for Christ's sake).

It was obvious that even Seth didn't give a shit about The Cleveland Show when he stopped voicing the characters of Tim the Bear and Dr. Fist sometime around its third season. Not to mention the amount of cancellation jokes throughout the whole series should tell you that just about everyone involved knew it was doomed from the start.

To make matters more lulzworthy as to how much of a fucking failure this show was, ratings for the third season were so bad that FOX couldn't afford to give it a proper DVD release, leaving it to Amazon to take a bullet for them and produce a bare bones set with no special features on a shitty DVD-R format.

It is expected that Cleveland and the rest of his AIDS-infested Stoolbend buddies will be moving to Quahog in the twelfth season of Family Guy in an episode titled "He's Bla-ack!" (Feel free to throw some BS info onto that page as Buckimion will throw a lulzy shit-fit at you for tampering with his precious wiki). One can only hope that injecting Seth's most popular show with the cast of his least popular show will kill Family Guy once and for all.

Just who is MacFarlane blowing to keep getting these shows green-lit?

Hurricane crossover

In all fairness, they weren't lying when they said it was going to blow.

In 2011 there was this sorry ass excuse for a crossover event involving all three of Seth's shows in which a hurricane sweeps through the towns of each show, bringing the main casts together. This of course could barely be considered a crossover due to the fact that in addition to the event taking place over three episodes (One of each show) as opposed to some sort of TV movie, the characters don't meet each other until the very end for about thirty seconds. The episodes were initially postponed due to a series of tornadoes that killed over 300 people. This was far funnier than any Seth show could ever hope to be.

Family Guy Video Game!

The Family Guy fanbase cried, whined and went into their hugboxes until their demands of a Family Guy video game were met. Suddenly, one day.. It came to life. Featuring lame one liners from old episodes you've seen a million times, broken stealth missions, nonsensical brawling stages, and platform levels with shitty cameras. Let's not forget all your favorite characters! Deemed unworthy of even a landfill. The game was taken down due to the players being too retarded to figure out how to even play the game.

Another game called Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse also came out, and it sucked like the first game, but even moar!

There was also an online MMO game that was fun until you realized that is was full of glitches and had you play pointless mini-games which involved beating the crap out of cripples, pigs, homeless people, and cheerleaders and collecting cats and fingers over and over again! Despite the success and praise by the fanbase, Fox made the same decision they made to Firefly. (archive)

Jewtube

Seth MacFarlane was infuriated when he realized that most of Family Guy's fan base was just watching all of his shows on YouTube and decided to call bullshit and posted all of his videos on Hulu.com which will not allow anybody who isn't an American to watch any of their videos

Very few videos remain on YouTube except ones supporting Hulu.com showing clips of the baby acting like a twelve year old Pete Burns. Of the few remaining videos these fake videos remain. Some claim that they are actually better than Seth MacFarlane's product, and others claim that this was all some gay creation by a 13-year-old boy (coincidence?).

Upon realizing the potential of this "YouTube". Seth's Jew kicked in, as he decided to bring his fail to YouTube under the name "Sethcomedy", in an attempt to bring in even more money to himself with his so called "sense of humor". On this channel, he makes comedy skits, in which some argue are hilarious. Of course, anyone with a fucking brain knows that these comedy skits are as unfunny as Family Guy and American Dad! combined. Don't believe anything could fail that much? Watch for yourself.

Star Wars spin-off

While Star Wars is already a piece of overrated shit, Seth, being a Star Wars fantard, decided to squeeze out Jew golds from Star Wars fanboys. This special episode follows the exact plot of Star Wars, but with more Family Guy jokes, references from old movies, and absolutely waste of fucking time.

Videos

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Gallery

About missing Pics

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  The result of watching Family Guy. Even the cast isn't safe from its effects.
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  Family Guy's pathetic attempt to be edgy.
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  And another one.
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  Peter does us all a favor.
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  A young Glen Quagmire.

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  An older Glen Quagmire IRL.
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  Actual scene from the show. Rumors have it Seth MacFarlane is a pedophile that is also into bestiality.
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  Stewie is a sex symbol among 12 year olds, which is understandable as that is the target demographic of the show.
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  The perfect gift for your kids!
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  Lois IRL.
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  Stewie is a furfag.
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  His chin looks like balls.
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  He's watching you masturbate.
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  Family Guy, like furries, ruins everything.
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  This britfag actually likes Family Guy more than South Park because it's more "atheist".
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  Peeetaaah!
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Rule 34 About missing Pics

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  During the show's cancellation, Lois did porn to pay for her coke habit.
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  "Like that time we were animated by weeaboos?"
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  Never before seen storyboards.
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  Chris-Chan has recycled gravy over this picture.

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  A Pulitzer Award winning photograph that led to widespread reform in the human-dog sex industry.
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  Scene from the Family Guy rap video.
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  Rock on!
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  ...leading Lois to challenge her preconceived notions on everything.
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  Brian later found out she wasn't.
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  What's that hose doing there?
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  ...and now she knows.
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  "Like that time I fucked the dog!"
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  One of the few crossover pictures not involving The Simpsons.
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  Niggers raping white women.
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  "YOU LIKE EATING RED CARPET TOUGH GUY!? SAY YOU LIKE EATING RED CARPET!"
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  Father and daughter bonding.
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  Lois is a whore.
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  You are a waste of life, if you fap to this.
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See also

• AmericanDad86
• Family Guy Funny Moments - The epitome of unfunny.
• Keith Olbermann - Close friend of MacFarlane and fellow leftard.
• Onision
• Seth MacFarlane.
• Shit
• The Fairly OddParents
• Rick and Morty
• The Simpsons - The show Seth ripped off for Family Guy.
• Unfunny
• Yomama - Seth's pathetic YT channel where they are trying desperately to bring back '90s snaps.

External links

• It was bound to happen.
• Family Guy's take on Dane Cook

Featured Article May 27 & 28, 2024
Preceded by Doge	Family Guy	Succeeded by The Fairly OddParents