Weofodthignen
Not to be confused with the Washington Redskins (though often confused with them anyway) Weofodthignen, a.k.a Marion gained notoriety in the early 1970's by successfully passing herself off as the first beached whale to ever survive and even thrive in human society. More recently, she is known for her leet pagan skills, as a "priestess" of Asatru online, running asshat Live Journal communities like All Heathens. She has just begun going through menopause, making her nastier than ever on and offline, and (if possible) an even larger cunt than she was before.
History
Marion was born in 1857, when her mother managed to scrape her out of her womb with a nail file. Due to the poor state of Cetacean Studies at that time, the fact that she was born with a blowhole went unnoticed by everyone except her father and three brothers, who fucked her through it quite regularly.
Marion had formed three blubber rolls by age 16, but this amazing adaptation (which helped Marion to resist the cold of the metal boxes her parents kept her in) went unnoticed as well... or at least, that's what Marion was told. In reality, everyone stood and stared as she entered rooms and walked down halls at her high school, and little children were forced to tug at their mother's sleeves and ask "mommy, what's wrong with that man?" when they saw her in public.
Though given the name "Marion" by her original parents/owners and trainers, she preferred the name "Baleen".
Marion's first girlfriend from High School, Mary Tann, was the one who taught Marion how to survive by swimming through shallow coastal waters and filtering tiny water insects, shrimp, and krill through her teeth. She still fondly remembers Mary in her Live Journal, though it is believed that Mary was killed by a japanese whaling boat, while instructing another fat girlfriend.
Her love affair with whales began to increase dramatically early in her first college career, at which point she discovered that she was a lesbian and her swelling ass made her resemblance to a Baleen whale uncanny. Able to attact other overweight lesbians by making loud, resonant sounds with her throat and blowhole, Marion became unafraid to move about on dry land and began a career in university hopping, attending 11 different universities. All that time in academia helped her to win a "PhD" in Indo European Pagan studies- a powerful academic achievement whose value extends into the upper range of used toilet paper.
Day to Day
After being exposed by a government quick-response biohazard team as "technically a human", Marion's life and fame as the "beached whale who made a life for herself" came to an end. She finished her awesome degree in Pagan studies and began making shitty websites. When she isn't doing that, or acting like a fucktard online, she is busy overturning buses by sitting in the very back seat, and smearing menstrual clots on the windows and head rests.
Marion's life as "Weofodthignen", (a leet pagan Asatru term for "priestess"), leaves her very busy, always analyzing the beliefs of other pagans and banning them from her shitty communities for not agreeing with her on every point. To further set themselves apart from other pagans, Marion and her moderators call themselves "heathens", but are really more like Azns.
Being "Heathen Asatruar", or Pagan mixed with the Vikings, Marion believes in Gods that wear horns on their helmets, like the Goth Vikings once did, except unlike goths, the Asatru Gods could compete in the WWF. Marion keeps a small cabal of so-called moderators around her who have no lives, but enjoy claiming to have many degrees from reputable universities during the e-mail breaks their early-release parole officers give them on the office computer. They enjoy calling people trolls and trying to feel very important on teh internets.
Educational Institutions
Marion has attended all of the following universities- a stunning feat, but then, being a hundred and seventy-seven million years fucking old gives a woman a lot of time to whale the fuck out and waste time in classroom after classroom. It also gives them the time to perfect their carpet licking.
Westchester Community College - Valhalla, NY
University of Wisconsin - Superior - Superior, WI
Touro College - Brooklyn - Brooklyn, NY
Michigan State University - East Lansing, MI
Pace University - Pleasantville, NY
Kansas Wesleyan University - Salina, KS
University of Oxford - Somerville College - Oxford, England - Oxfordshire, United Kingdom
Cornell University - Ithaca, NY
American Language Communication Center - New York, NY
Lamar University - Beaumont, TX
Godolphin and Latymer School - London, England - Greater London, United Kingdom
