Legacy of Kain
Legacy of Kain is a shit game series about vampires who travel through time and fight aliens.
Although it was created with goth fags who play vidya gaems in their parents' basement in mind, retarded fangirls who exist to prove rule 34 got a hold of it and ruined it. Never mind the fact that all of the characters are ugly old men and slashing them means your crappy fanart or fanfic will contain necrophilia and/or incest, Rule 34 exists for a reason.
Despite having a fairly standard video game plot, it does feature inventive block puzzles, signifying times before games were dumbed down to suit the ADD-riddled minds of 13 year old boys. While providing a casual challenge for you, they cause the aforementioned to break their consoles and become an hero.
Characters
Kain
Has a foul temper and quite the habit of talking to himself. Back in the first game, Blood Omen, he got stabbed by a bunch of random red shirts behind a bar, then came back as a goth and slaughtered the better half of the population. At the end of the game, Kain had the choice to either be a good guy or rule Nosgoth for at least 100 more years, the latter being the obvious choice. In Blood Omen 2, literally 100 years later, Kain decided to initiate a gothocaust, effectively ridding the world of everyone and everything he deemed unfit for his new world order. However, some weird-ass looking skeleton asshole was butthurt over something that happened 100 years ago and decided to fuck with Kain for the lulz. At the end of the game, Kain threw the skeleton guy into a black hole or something.
In Soul Reaver, emo faggot Raziel was introduced as the main character and bastard offspring of Kain (along with five of Kain's other dirty, illegitimate emo kids who's name no one bothers to remember). Butthurt over Raziel growing wings before him, Kain had his emo ass thrown into a black hole, too. Raziel returns like 1,000,000 years later as some sort of blue, bulimic gothic wetdream with no lower jaw. Knowing that Raziel was coming to kill him, Kain decided to line up his other five sons for slaughter first, because he thought it was funny. Raziel finds Kain and fails to kill him because he's too busy CRAAAAAAAWLING IN HIS SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN.
Same exact shit happens in Soul Reaver 2, only with the introduction of Janos Audron for retarded fangirls to slash.
In Legacy of Kain: Defiance, Kain talks to himself more, then breaks into a fortress and slaughters everyone for no reason other than the fact that he's a huge dick.
Meanwhile, Raziel was too busy angsting over the loss of Janos and being a tool to do anything useful. He eventually picked a fight with Kain and just managed to pwn him, then ran off with his heart so he could raise Janos (even though it was actually Raziel himself who killed Janos over 9000 times). However, due to Kain having more testosterone than a bull moose on epinephrine, he tears a hole in reality, slaughters a bunch of people for no good reason, and goes home.
Raziel
An emo bitch and an hero of Soul Reaver, Soul Reaver 2, and Defiance. At first, Raziel looked like a proper emo boi with his shirt off, and had a pair of wings, complete with pseudo-goth wear native to the time. This only lasted for about twenty seconds before Kain got tired of his metrosexual ass and gave him a swirrlie he would never forget.
Since then, Raziel follows in Kain's footsteps, killing things, and talking to himself, though he does so with quite a lot more emo, and a lot less rage.
Throughout Soul Reaver, Raziel spent most of his time yelling and killing his brothers, but when Soul Reaver 2 came out, his motto changed a good deal, no thanks to yet more emo and manipulations of some random fuckers. Defiance wasn't too different, as the both of them did a good deal of talking to themselves, and killing things, although Raziel himself became shanked in one last act to redeem his emo self.
Vorador
The original big green pimp of Nosgoth to many a fan. Easily bored, arrogant, and a generally unpleasant fellow, more so the day the Sarafan gained access to his Sire's keep (no thanks to that emo bastard, Raziel), screamed, crashed the Guardians' party and pwned their asses. They apparently did not like this very much for they in turn -- also no thanks to someone else -- beheaded him in response.
In Blood Omen 2, Vorador came back to life somehow, head intact, with no explanation. He realized that he needed help kicking some ugly bastard's ass, he recruited Kain to do so, but lost one of his whores in the process.
In Soul Reaver 2 and Defiance, Vorador doesn't do anything but tell Raziel that he's a retard, and then he walks away. Also worth noting that Vorador keeps the corpse of his dad in his basement.
Janos Audron
Vorador's dad and the bitch in almost every LoK yaoi fan couple that he's involved in. Over 9000 years ago, Sarafan Raziel raeped his chest and took his heart. Janos manages to come back, only to be pwned several times over throughout the rest of the series.
Moebius
An old guy who pisses everybody off. He ends up tricking and manipulating everyone, including Kain, every step of the way because they're all retarded enough to believe what he says -- and when they refuse to, they don't realize it's just reverse psychology. Everybody in the game gets pissed at his deceitful character, so he ends up getting his head cut off in Blood Omen 1, and then Kain and Raziel impale him in Defiance so the tentacle monster can abuse him.
The Elder God
The tentacle monster who violates Raziel, Moebius, and apparently Janos as well. Some claim that he is the hub of the wheel, while others call him a cancer. One thing's certain: nobody cares.
Characters who don't matter
- Raziel's Brethren - Anonymous because they do not forgive. AKA: a bunch of fags.
- Ariel - Is missing large chunks of flesh and tends to give Raziel competition when it comes to emo
- Umah - Vorador's bitch who betrayed Kain because she didn't want his KainAIDS. Although Kain said that she could've been his queen, we all know that this means he never liked her. Poses as a huge threat to yaoi fangirls everywhere, seeing that her only purpose in LoK was to prove that Kain isn't gay.
- The Pillar Guardians - More fags. With Diabeetus
- The Sarafan Lord - The bad guy who was forgotten completely by fans everywhere when Blood Omen 2 ended.
- Hash'ak'gik - He Divided by zero and lost.
Fandom
The yaoi fangirls of this series put Snapesnogger to shame with their bullshit. Yeah, they're that bad. As stated above, not only do they find ugly old men hot, they are also aroused at the sight of suggested incest (Kain fucking his sons and Janos fucking his sons), rape, necrophilia, the list goes on. Some fans are just batshit insane, or suffering from a horrible case of denial (mostly GoddessMillenia, Ramesya of DeviantART and MamaRobotnik(a shitty Genesis-era Sonicfag as well.) of NeoGAF.
Those who aren't into any of the above are usually goths, emokids, nerds, or all of the above. They still get off debating fifteen year-old plot details and believe that Legacy of Kain is serious business, thus making them only slightly less fail. Most of them are butthurt that no one else plays the games besides them.
EDIT: Apparently the furfags are into LoK as well. Honestly, who didn't see this coming? EDIT 2.0: DISREGARD, I SUCK COCKS. It's actually just one furfag who pollutes the rest of the fanfaggotry with his furry versions of the characters.
LoK lolcows
http://www.youtube.com/user/jmpawloski this fucktard has gone one step farther than most retards and made his own piece of shit game based on KainAIDS inc. Fuckaholic liked screwing with the whole story to satisfy his gay fantasies.
http://www.youtube.com/user/nadjibw : This paranoid satanist fucktard spends all his pathetic wake moments with hunting for encoded satanist shit in every pixels, believes he discovered a fucking epic conspiracy calls it the Legacy of Kain BEYOND THE TRUTH: Eidos is owned by the Illuminati/Satan/AntiChrist, their attempt is to pwn the world through videogames, he is the chosen one paranoid fucktard who has the gift to see encoded message of the Satan nobody else can read, even Raziel's fart carries the symbol of a secret conspiracy. He is a self-proclaimed "genius" total lulz.
scereyahadreamweaver: This fucked up piece of necrophiliac shit will argue with you,threaten you with beng banned by her "holy order" of lulzcows cock-puppets,and probably lecture you on the 10 rules of lok yaoi-ism and why it's fucking O.K to watch gay dead-vampires having sex. In need of some MAJOR butt-hurt and opinion rape. Pipe any feed on ED, lulz guaranteed.
- Ramesya: A self admitted "Crazy fangirl" who's only purpose in life is to make gay and alien parings and spend the rest of her useless life drooling and masturbating over them. TROLL IT, as well as the sickening gay clubs she watches, she's addicted to cocksucking blind bats and Raziel's non-existant penis.
- Jewel-Reaver: Another gay lover,not as retarded as most but still worth a mention,her art is pure shit,and her love of yaoi is kept under tight control from most of her friends although she is a member of Yaoi clubs. Anyway, her shit production came to a screeching halt as she was Banned IRL by Deep Vein "Thrembosis."
- GoddessMillenia: The queen of LoK lolcows, so retarded she deserved her own ED article. She also happens to be a sick fuck who thinks that Raziel putting the Soul Reaver up his ass would be hot. Attempted to delete this article and hers not one but twice.
- DJRaziel: Another person who's retarded enough to have their own article. He's GoddessMillenia's boyfriend, suspected pedobear, and an Internet Tough Guy. Do not mess with him. He will look you up on google and pwn you while fapping to good old fashioned Kain/Raziel yaoi. And by "look you up on google", we mean that he tries to dig up dirt on you but fails miserably. He also believes that creating things on a parody website doesn't effect anybody, which obviously isn't the case, since he and his girlfriend are still pissy over it [1].
- VegetaWorshipper: The name alone says a lot. VegetaWorshipper (pronounced faggot) is a batshit insane 16 year old girl who was responsible for making not only fucked up fanart, but a shitty flash video as well. Although she shows impressive artistic skills, a quick browse through her DeviantART gallery proves that she is beyond redemption. Probably because her gallery (especially on her website) consists of yaoi, necrophilia, both mostly both. Needless to say, she is a sick fuck.
- Akane: A shitty artist. She was the first, and for many years, the only fucktard to create LoK yaoi. Her shitty fanart, mostly Kain/Raziel, arouses 85% of 16 year old girls in this retarded fandom.
- Laryna6: A fanfiction author who has at least 100 stories consisting of nothing but really badly written sex scenes. She's responsible for making practically every character in Legacy of Kain a slut. Her favorite couples include Elder God/Janos, Sarafan Raziel/Janos, Kain/Raziel, and Janos/Vorador. Needless to say, she likes tentacle rape, incest, and aids. Also worth noting that she finds it hot when you call your significant other "My son" during sex. See this shitty fanfic for proof.
- Azuresorrow: A Blood Omen 2 fanboy who will get pissy if you say that Blood Omen 2 wasn't the best game in the series.
- Derpaviangott: Yet another person retarded enough to have their own article. He is a fucktard who wishes that Hitler was still alive so he can throw all the anti-yaoi fans into the oven. Also believes that if Hitler were alive today, he would allow him to live because he's intelligent. And apparently his mother has aids.
- Dragonseer: Another fanfiction author who quit Fanfiction.net forever after everybody got tired of her shitty third installment of her Tomb Raider/Soul Reaver crossover series. She responds to flames in the most mature way ever, even using threats such as " My next action will be to report you to fanfic, and I’m positive I have enough friends on here to make you’re life miserable." Also worth adding, she supports a pairing between Kain and a girl that Kain has known since she was four and grew up calling "Uncle Kain". Needless to say, she is a sick fuck.
- Chelsysayshi: Clit sized brain and fucked up piece of douche who has a fan character who was supposed to have been fuck-created by Janos Audron and fucked again by Kain and his cum made her a full vampire (though we suspect she took it up the ass) This fuck spends it's time writing love stories of Kain and her fuck character having sex in sewers even in front of other vampires for a stage show. If threatened it will respond with attacking you with the Reaver or some other weapon from the games. It's other pastime aside from fucking anything that dosn't exist is stealing pictures from search engines and painting over them with MSPaint and claiming them to be her own works her DeviantART Rumored to be the lesbian lover of Wraithblade21/KCR1987
- Razikainfan: An enormous douchebag who thinks that a mangled blue corpse is sexy. Tried to run away and hide from the trolls, now has her own EDpage KCR1987 An even bigger retard than GoddessMillenia. This fucked up whore worshipper would gladly oogle Raziel all the while having lesbian sex with any woman who told her that she didn't fancy the blue zombie from another fuckpit,inbitween these activities she draws shitty "art" of her beloved butt-fucker and his fag friends. It has a few followers on her DeviantART, but is only an idol to those who draw worse than she does. Try any kind of insult upon Legacy Of Kain and this douchebag will threaten you with "Tearing your soul" from your body, or "setting Kain on you" either way is merely in her fucked up peanut brain where she keeps her ideas that Raziel is her (and hers alone) lover. Lately been claiming to be "immortal, the Child of Night" and beating down everyone. Can't miss the obvious similarities between her and GoddessMillenia
- Darkness's Rebel: A Legacy of Kain fantard and fanfiction author who claims to be a 19 year-old music ed major. She is a shitty writer, and when she stretches the characters in her shitty fanfiction to the point where they are so out-of-character that they may as well be original character. More of her shitty writings can be found here.
—Darkness's Rebel, trying to convince us that her writing skills aren't made of fail. | ||
Legacy of KainAIDS
Because the fans have turned Kain into such a whore, KainAIDS came into existence. After Kain was shanked by a Sarafan, he received some kind of HIV virus which transformed him into a vampire, thus the KainAIDS were born. He then traveled town to town, banging all the men and sleeping women, as well as those bitches who are chained to the wall, before he eventually banged Vorador. Because Vorador and Janos are apparently gay lovers, Vorador spread the KainAIDS to his sire, as well as his millions of brides. And because Raziel and his brethren are Kain's bitches, you know that they've been infected. Although Umah didn't want KainAIDS, chances are she got it from Vorador, since she's his slut 'n all.
Eventually KainAIDS spread into the LoK fandom, turning obsessive fangirls and fanboys alike into retarded raving lunatics. There is no cure for KainAIDS, and everyone who's infected will most likely die a horrible death, for better or worse.
Fun fact: Because Kain/Hitler is canon, Hitler also has KainAIDS. srsly.
Ways to Butthurt an LoK Fan
- Write an anti-yaoi fanfiction and post it on Fanfiction.net. Subsequent lulz is bound to occur.
- Tell GoddessMillenia that Kain/Raziel is not canon.
- Tell KCR1987 that Raziel is yours.
- Go to an LoK Yaoi fanart and say "eww, yaoi"
- Talk bad about LoK yaoi on this community
- Say that Akane is a shitty artist.
- Say that any of the main male characters aren't hot.
- Draw a picture of Kain and Moebius kissing and send it to a Kain/Raziel fangirl.
- Flame their fanfiction. Then laugh when they respond.
- Say that Kain/Umah (or just Umah on her own) is the greatest ever. You wouldn't believe how many people will get pissed off if you do this.
- Tell the people at lok_clan about this article.
- Tell fangirls at Lokfangirls that fangirling sucks. Lulz guaranteed.
- Say that Kain's a fucking alcoholic and that Janos needs a bag of weed.
- Tell the artist of this picture that she is a gigantic faggot.
Speaking of Nazis...
As if the series couldn't be raped enough, there is a rumor that Nazi director Uwe Boll (known for his fabulous films, such as House of the Dead and Bloodrayne) is attempting to create a Legacy of Kain movie. Fans everywhere died from incredibly violent suicides the moment they heard about it.
Drama Sightings
The most famous drama sightings would be here and here. Those who've visited GoddessMillenia's article know what to expect. Sometime ago, somebody wrote a fanfic called "Down With Yaoi", where the LoK characters caused the deaths of many Yaoi fangirls. The butthurt fans ended up having the homophobic story taken off of Fanfiction.net, despite the fact that the story was bashing fangirls and not homosexuals.
Most drama sightings occur when people flame or troll LoK fanfiction. Such as here:
- Paradox by Shadowrayne.
- Chapter 13 of "Tomb Raider and Soul Reaver: Rose and Thorn" by Dragonseer
- Chapter 16 of "Tomb Raider and Soul Reaver: Rose and Thorn" by Dragonseer
- Chapter 18 of "Tomb Raider and Soul Reaver: Rose and Thorn" by Dragonseer
- The Review Page for Dragonseer's TR/SR fanfic. Her fans, being lolcows, believe that Dragonseer is serious business, as you can see here:
On the other hand, drama occurs when you write something you know everybody will hate. Like here. Fun Fact: GoddessMillenia takes this fanfic srsly.
EIDOS Sez: You Fail
Apparently the people at Eidos were getting sick of their game being constantly raped by retarded fangirls everywhere (or they just took one look at GoddessMillenia's DA page) and are contemplating to pull the plug on the series:
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