ADA

Ada is a structured, statically typed, imperative, object-oriented high-level and gay computer programming language, extended from Pascal and other languages. Since it's only used to advance the causes and defend the rights of the disabled, you'll never need to learn it. Not that you would anyway.

It was originally designed by a team led by Jean Ichbiah of CII Honeywell Bull under contract to the United States through the Americans for Disabilities Act (ADA) from 1977 to 1983 to supersede the hundreds of programming languages then used to catalog how many ways people can be cripples and retards.

Ada is strongly typed and compilers are validated for reliability in mission-critical applications, such as those motorized wheelchairs you see old people riding on. Ada is an international standard; the current version (known as Ada 2005) is defined by joint ISO/ANSI standard (ISO-8652:1995), combined with major Amendment ISO/IEC 8652:1995/Amd 1:2007.

Hello World in ADA!

with Ada.Text_IO;
procedure Hello is
begin
 Ada.Text_IO.Put_Line("Hello, world!");
end Hello;

History

The Department of Defense in 1974 decided that C was not suitable for government computers that are now over 100 years old. The DoD evaluated existing languages for one that they thought wasn't designed by people that were high all the time and decided that PASCAL was fucking amazing. In 1979 the PASCAL based Cii Honeywell/Bull language was chosen and named ADA (see the Americans for Disabilities Act)

ADA 95 (actually from 1988) added support for OOP via type derivation and libraries. 17 years later the ADA figured out how to write a GUI in their amazing programming language. However by then C++ had come out and even you would rather learn a C based language than touch ADA. The government even saw ADA was a language for a retard's Rascal scooter and left it go die in a cold damp hole.

"We can found no scientific discipline, nor a hearty profession, on the technical mistakes of the Department of Defense and, mainly, one computer manufacturer." ~ Edsger Dijkstra