Concerned Mother
A Concerned Mother is a man, woman, person, or otherwise, that complains to websites, writers, book publishers, television networks, city councils, or other parents under the guise of being concerned about their children, despite knowing deep down that letting a child learn responsibility is an important part of his or her growth. Scientific studies show that concerned mothers are actually mothers only 26% of the time, the other 99% are conservatives who get angry at things their children might lol at that they haven't had the chance to inspect first. Sometimes, these mothers just fail to accept that their 22-year-old "child" is perfectly capable of handling sexual material and became capable at the age of 7 when he started looking at pr0nz.
Concerned mothers usually believe they have some inconceivable level of maturity, which is exhibited by sending out numerous letters of complaints (which are handwritten whenever possible). These letters of grievance are normally very well thought-out and organized lists of butthurt. Science has proven that every concerned mother is a Jew, regardless of their actual race, color or ability to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior. Because of this, their children have no other option than to become tremendous sources of lolz.
Despite their efforts, concerned mothers never actually influence their kids to do well. Many children with concerned mothers go on to do drugs, play video games and try way too hard to partake in social activities excluding their mothers, like 4chan, friend-having and sex. Those who do not break away before they turn old will usually get trolled for being a momma's boy. After which, they generally cry to their mom who will assail the troll with e-mail requesting personal info to discuss punishments with your mom. This will probably cause the child to eventually shoot up his school and kill himself because he knows he can never return to that Twilight chat room to discuss the intricacies of Stephenie Meyer's characters, like Bella and Edward as he will get pwnt again to an even greater extent. Contrary to popular belief, a skilled troll will not feel bad if he has adhered to the code. If the troll feels remorse, then it probably wasn't an actual trolling. Undoubtedly, it was a civil conversation that the troll in question had pleasantly corrected the victim on his spelling or grammatical mistake, to ensure that future generations will not continue to epic fail in such a manner. This will still cause the concerned mother and the overprotected child to feel butthurt.
Ultimately, concerned mothers make these complaints not due to authentic concern for their children's well-being; rather, to avoid the fact their life is unstimulating and meaningless, and is no longer as rewarding as it was when they were an idealistic college student.
For reference, this is usually how a conversation goes down prior to a concerned mother's letter.
—Anonymous | ||
Their Crazy Antics
Concerned mothers are well recognized on internet forums, letters to someone, weblogs, or on the newz. They usually write about how disturbed they are about modern day or something they witnessed, and usually expect someone completely unrelated to fix it or do something about it. For example:
—Mrs. Anonymous | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Paranoia
Some parents are over paranoid when it comes to their kids doing everyday normal things that every other kid does but the unfortunate one is stuck with a parent who is over protective. For example:
—Mrs. Anonymous | ||
The paranoia can worsen as the child grows older and starts doing things that an overly concerned mother thinks are too dangerous such as:
- Hanging out with friends and talking about girls. (Your friends are
nonexistentdangerous and will tempt you with drugs and/or unhealthy snacks!) - Eating non-mashed foods.
- Having interracial conversations or talking with foreigners. (black person are dangerous!!!!!)
- Going to school without parental supervision. (Holy shit he's WALKING to school today? Well, better make funeral reservations.)
- Going through puberty. (Is that...a HAIR! I need to have that plucked off your precious ballsac at ONCE!!!)
- Learning about Evolution.
- Eating bread with the crust. (Every mother's worst nightmare)
- Watching another news source besides Fox News
- Going outside for more than 5-7 seconds. (Strangers may pass by and say hello to you–holy FUCK!)
- Potty training. (You'll turn into a SEXUAL DEVIANT!!11!1!!11one!!!!1)
- Wearing the color black. (You'll summon the devil!)
- Wearing eyeliner. (You'll poke your eye out!)
- Saying those curse words they so obviously learned from not watching Fox News. (You'll swallow the soap I wash your mouth out with!1)
- Not wanting to wake up early on a Weekend to go to Church after having to wake up at three o'clock AM every day all week to go to a place that sucks anyway with no motivation to begin with. (See School)
- Dropping grades due to the intense pressure from everyone in the known universe to get the best grades evar, graduate high school, and go join the army so they can die young.
- Having sex before they are 60.
- Playing video games as/more violent than Tetris, because everyone knows that those little cubes coming down secretly want to rape each other.
- Everything, ever.
- Communicating with the opposite sex. Or the same sex–you never know, you might go gay!
- Talking to anyone with a opinion different then your mother's.
- ???
- No profit. :(
- Money; I don't want you secretly buying stuff without me knowing. It could be something like porn or guns or violent games.
- You must bathe or shower wearing clothes.
- You can never be naked or see any forms of nudity.
- You must pee sitting down, I can't have you seeing or touching a penis even if it's your own. Saying penis in your mother's house counts as well.
- You can only watch G rated programs. Though you can't watch the Teletubbies as they are gay.
- When watching TV, at commercial break you must mute the tv and look away until your program is back on. I don't want you seeing an inappropriate commercial. Hey, just be grateful that I even let you watch TV.
- No talking or looking at darkies. They look like poo and that is too inappropriate for my child to see.
- No pets! They might try and rape you.
- No talking to girls with tits more then 1 centimeter! You might turn into a sexual pedator!
- Reading and/or enjoying Concerned Mother or any other Encyclopedia Dramatica article.
- Not liking the candidate your mother likes. (Communist!)
- Eating anything that's not organic.
Also, concerned mothers' paranoia is a leading cause of anti-lulz and emo kids. But most sheltered kids will find their way to a computer and spend their time writing in angst against the ideals of a concerned mother.
Video Game!
Concerned mother fails at failing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJGgulHjrZk&feature=sub BALEETED
Concerned mother gets a guy arrested for making coffee neekid in his own house. Says her son saw a dick and is scarred for life.
