Job

As well as being another word for boring, a Job is something that unemployed people and students don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a robot could do better, a human is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are Mexican, as paying a Mexican is purely optional. All job managers are fat, bald, miserable, white men because minorities don't or "can't" work, and the highest level to which a woman can aspire in a company is to that of Secretary.

How to Get a Job

A typical resume on YouTube

Ask Mommy or Daddy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "want-ads" your pop talks about (or alternatively, a new browser window) and start circling interesting ads. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your attention for 8 hours every day!

NEETlife is BEST life

"Mmm.... Smell that wagecuck? That's the smell of the delectable lasagne I made in my abundance of free time. I even had time to watch hours of the Food Network to expand my extraordinary knowledge of culinary arts.

Haha, I tell ya wagie, NEET life is the best life. My life is amazing, I feel so - oh? What's that wagie? You need to go in at 8 am and only have a few hours of sleep left? Ahh, my sincerest apologies wagie, for I know such tedium of schedule as you do. Well, toodaloo, slaves! Only a few hours left! Enjoy your last hours of rest! I have an entire day ahead of me. And remember, another day, another dollar!"

This is your life on the job

How to Avoid having to get a Job

The fact that you're reading this means that you don't want to get a job. Very well lazy-ass, here's your choices:

Fake to have Asperger's Syndrome: Don't know what Asperger's is? Don't worry, nobody does; it's not a real disease.
Join the Army. You'll be worked like a mule for a couple of months but all U.S. soldiers do after training is sit on their two-story houses in a suburb leeching tax-payers' money.
If you're a woman, get pregnant. You'll be amazed how much welfare money you can get you for your little brats.

Regions In Which Jobs Do Not Exist as a Concept

File:Working is racist.jpg

Some Advantages of Having a Job

You get some money - After the Government takes its cut for taxes.
You might meet people you can have sex with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment lolsuit.
Free coffee, if you work as a pilot, at a hotel or a Starbucks.
See that pen over there? Take it.
No seriously, take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
Here, have a company car too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
Get promoted to Senior VP of Sales and make more money than God
Some people will cruelly call you 'a loser' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a luser with a job', with all the humiliation-guzzling sqiLlz that implies.
You get to be a wageslave and go an hero
You see why capitalism fails and needs to go
You can get a soy beard

And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so boss has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company insurance plan might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and false-teeth supplies!

Some Disadvantages of Having a Job

Less time to play on the internets, unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
Too much IRL drama, from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst
Most jobs don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and during breaks mandated by law.
Drug testing is mandatory; potheads/Niggers need not apply.
Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for editing ED while on the clock.
Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
Going back to finding a new job

There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality.

Some Different Jobs You Might Choose

Airline Pilot
ED Sysop
Habbo Hotel Moderator
Website Administrator
Furniture Placement Specialist
Nutritional Sciences Expert
Sanitation Technician
Artist
Performing Artist
Geek Squad
Wannabe Artist
Politician
Customer Services
Protection of Merchandise
Therapeudic Supply
Insurance Collecter
Visionary
Veterinarian
Preschool Teacher
Yoga Instructor
Sammich Artist
Professional Expert
Eco-Terrorist
Video game developer
Serial Killer
Drug Dealer
Rapper
Rapist
Pedophile
Pimp
Prostitute
Banker
Gangster
Anarchist
Pornographer
Porn star
Hacker
Fuhrer
Jew - Jew is mostly considered to be a job, because you make infinite amount of money as you steal people's wallets.

If you apply yourself correctly you could rise through the ranks of the corporate ladder to become a productive member of society.

Not Jobs

Stealing
Masturbation
Crime
Being a nigger (See: Stealing)
Being in the Army
Teaching

Retirement

Ending one's work life is known as retirement. In the United States of America, this usually entails a lard-induced heart attack for men and pregnancy for women. Feminazis have attempted to redefine household chores as work ("housework"), but since the advent of post-modern irony they have since returned to the kitchen and put the tea on.

Dear Employers

Because this parody of Eminem's song Stan is tl;dr, you can find the rest of the song here.

Dear Employers, I wrote you but still ain't callin'

I left my address, my email, and my phone number at the bottom

I sent two CVs back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em

There probably was a problem with my Gmail or somethin'

Sometimes I misspell email addresses when I type 'em

But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man, are you hiring?

My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father

If I have a daughter, guess what I'm a call her?

I'm a name her Jobbie.

The Economy fucking sucks.

Gallery

A typical man at work
A typical woman at work
Job hunt
Ash Ketchup can get a job and so can you.
Working in advertising or for an e-company
The Archbishop of Canterbury calls for women to be forbidden to have jobs outside the kitchen as part of a multicultural society
Not shown: same overworked code-monkey walking into the office the next morning with an uzi and killing seven others before offing himself