Tribes Ascend
Tribes Ascend AKA Tribes 2: Electric Boogaloo is a F2P game made by Hi-Rez Studios which features a red and a blue team fighting in the middle of nowhere for no reason. Main game weapons include spinfusors, grenade launchers, mortars, and other shitty ass guns. The only way to win is to either grind endlessly for enough xp to buy all the good weapons or use real money.
Most games usually consist of mongoloid fucktards running directly towards each other, with no strategy or planning whatsoever. One can expect to find their team-mates firing wildly into the distance in the hopes of hitting something, staying inside the generator room, or skiing down slopes in order to go at sanic speed.
/v/ and Reddit's match.
Hi-Rez Studios also hosted a live match between 4chan's /v/ and Reddit's /r/. /v/ was led by a furry tripfag and a BR with 140 ping, while Reddit was full of modern employed men with alienware computers, and playing under god-tier routers.
Match summary: /v/ won, thanks to the GALO SENGEN inside them. Le Reddit's post-game rectal ravaging can be viewed here
Class summary
Pathfinder- The sanic of the game, the mascot, the hero, and the biggest retard of them all. Packed with a nitron, a shotgun, and a spinfusor, he can capture flags and doesn't afraid of anything.
Sentinel- A skinny prick with a sniper rifle, hard as shit to play since he doesn’t have explosive weapons, and is useless in general.
Infiltrator- Raider’s retarded little brother, only this time he can actually hide from the threats of the outside.
Soldier- One of the most overplayed classes, he has a rifle which does jack shit, and a thumper which can’t do anything but aim at the ground.
Technician- Soldier clone, only this time he has a turret on his side.
Raider- A motherfucker that can BLOW EVERYTHING UP. He is often considered the hardest of the classes, but hell who cares.
Juggernaut- He’s the juggernaut, bitch. Packing 300 kg of nothing but Cheetos and redbull, and moving about as slow as a Tortuga.
Doombringer- Has a chaingun which shoots at the rate of 9000 bullets per second, but can’t hit anything. Also has a rawket lawnchair, but it can only hit units in air.
Brute- Pathfinder’s older fat brother, has the same weapons as him, but only much more retarded. Not only can he throw grenades that float, he has a automatic fucking shotgun, how about that?
Game types
Capture the flag- Campfest '96. The goal here is to stand around and do fucking nothing while some idiot pathfinder floats his way to your flag. Strategies include hiding in the generator room, skiing down hills, killing yourself and making heavies stick the team's flagpoles up their asses. Being a useless bitch, and skiing all day long on this map is often the easiest way to troll your raging teammates that want you to do something. Due to the fact that you can't capture the enemy's flag while they hold your team's, games quickly dwell down to both teams huddled over their flag carriers in some hole until time runs out.
Deathmatch- Grab a gun, shoot 100 people, hopefully die, and win. If it doesn’t work, you are obviously not trying hard enough.
5v5 arena match- Same as deathmatch, but with a much smaller map, and 10 people.
Trolling Methods
Pathfinder:
Infiltrator: Destroy Generator, place Jackal explosives on it, wait for group of Techs
Sentinel:
Soldier:
Technician:
Raider:
Juggernaut:
Doombringer:
Brute: go to generator room, press F multiple times, never stop, never give up, [VGTG]
Someone fill this shit in, I'm too fucking lazy
Tribes Ascend Gold
A shortcut to getting overpowered weapons, at the price of your daily paycheck at McDonalds the allowance you get from your mother.
Due to the jews sparing a little coin, everybody is entitled to some gold by liking their failbook page.
Skins- A easier way to make yourself look like a unique snowflake.
Weapons- Overpowered weapons that outclass everything.
Related Articles
External Links
- /v/ictory
- Tribes Ascend
- Tribes Ascend for people with Steam accounts
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