Bungie.net

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BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.

Bungie.net is the website for a a rich community of faggots and a small dwelling community of furries. The website can be quite funny at times, and is also ripe trolling grounds. Trolling tactics must be unconventional, however.

The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions

The H3F

Nobody goes there anymore. They moved their retardation to the Halo Reach forum instead. Just Dust and Semen

Halo: Reach Forum

A forum that is worse that H3F. Here Reacharound players complain about game breaking issues such as armor lock, grenade blast radius, bloom and the terrible maps in this game. Usually the target of hatred by the Flood. Bungie then proceeds to lock all topics insulting there game and ignore all the complaints. You can find the following in the reacharound forum:

My Beta is not working, fix it Bungie!
Armor lock suks!
Bloom is to random. Fix it now.
The BR is better than the DMR and vice versa.
Armor lock suks!
Trolls creating topics about colored weapons. lulz
"I hate this game" threads.
I got banned for boosting.
Armor lock has no counter and should be nerfed.
Black ops is better because Treyarch released a title update a few days after BO launched.
Grenades are like mini-nukes now.
Armor lock suks!
i got banned for nothing!
i got banned for boosting
i got banned for playing the game
i got banned for not playing the game!

Bungie has been ignoring all of the above complaints about their game to date. Their dream of only 7,777 people playing their game will soon come true.

It is the best trolling grounds on the site, but if you value sanity, do not enter. One of the best methods of trolling is to actually mention anything remotely related to Cock in Booty Tew in any way. For example, make a thread called "Colored Weapons" and talk about how you should be able to color your weapons. While this is one of the few legitimate ideas that fans have actually put out there, people will react as if you just hit a nun in the teeth with a puppy. Chances are the mods will ban you until forever for spam. Other trolling methods include "What's the best way to destroy my copy of halo?" or "I don't like the beta." For extra lulz, say it as civilized as possible, with no swear words or slang. This will make the massive freak out reactions even more gratifying. It gets even better if you get someone to agree with you, then even more people will begin to troll the post.

Bungie.net Community (the Septagon)

A cesspool of retardation and a hornets nest of mods, this forum is impossible to troll and has the most elitist members on the site. Do not venture forth into here unless you want an anal rape from the mods.

The webmaster himself lurks there.

Prominent poster(s) in the Septagon

Spartain Ken 15 - Bungie.net is Ken's life as he has nothing better to do than to think of highly ridiculous ways to "improve" bungie.net. Then he posts 10 paragraph topics about his ideas. Each topic ends up becoming a hot topic, not because people want to discuss the topic, but because everybody wants to let Spartain Ken know that he is an idiot. Such suggestions included adding a subscription for bungie.net, having a "ranked members only" only forum, nuking the flood forum, nuking the reach forum, nuking private groups. If you want to piss Ken off, just make an account named after him and suggest something ridiculously stupid in the septagon while he is banned and then he will rage in bungie.net's private groups. Ken got butthurt when he saw this section of the article. http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=64820580&postRepeater1-p=5

Ken looked at Achronos in the eyes and said "I will do anything! ANYTHING, to please you." Achronos scratched his chin and looked down at Ken and said 
"Suck my dick and I'll make you my personal slave boy." "Yes master!" said Ken, and he unzipped Achronos' pants and pulled them down.

Ken pulled down Achronos' underwear and placed the overlord's throbbing banhammer into his mouth and sucked. Achronos quivered with pleasure and said 
"Yes....suck it hard ken! My seed will give you ninja powers!" Ken sucked harder and harder. 2 hours later, 
Achronos yelled with a crazed fury as his banhammer exploded inside of Spartain Ken's mouth and all over his face.

Ken eagerly swallowed Achronos' seed and licked his lips. He looked up at the overlord and said "Thank you master!"''

                                                             -Typical Spartain Ken behavior.

IRC chat

Some halofags created a bungie.net irc chat on irc.adelais.net. #bungienet . Make sure you don't do any of the following or you will be banned: Criticize any of the OPs, criticize Obama, voice an opinion, talk, idle, joining the channel, or exist at all.

The Colorblind Thread

A great idea for colorblind gamers!

On Thanksgiving day 2010, a successful troll called ExplosivePigs created a thread in the halo reach forum called "WHITES vs BLACKS" in which he claimed to be colorblind and that bungie should should release a playlist for colorblind people, in which the teams were black and white. This resulted in much lulz and drama as people sympathized for his cause while others realized he was trolling and called him out on it. Those who called him out for trolling were immediately called insensitive pricks by the morons who actually believed the OP. After 13 pages, ExplosivePigs got b& for ~~14 days~~ forever. As a result, his posts are now hidden and his thread has been locked. But you can still see the drama here: An example of a successful troll. You can still see a quote of the original post in the picture to the right.

Master Chief is a woman!

On December 13, 2010, a user called Zickson posted this thread in the Halo Reacharound forums. In the topic, Zickson suggests that there is no proof that Master Chief is a man, so he must be a woman. The post generated 8 pages of butthurt from the halo reach fanboys who were too stupid to recognize the obvious troll to ignore it. Some users went so far as to use evidence from the books in order to dispute Zickson.

lolReach

On August 13, 2011, in the middle of the night, a group of trolls decided to spam the Reacharound forum with pages of nothing but the words: lolReach. While all of the fanboys were becoming butthurt, the Bungie mods were busy sleeping in their beds. This spamming went on for several hours before one forum mod, Duardo, signed on and saw that his prized forum had gone to hell, he subsequently b& most of the forum, even people who tried to stop the trolls. But, the mods didn't realize that Bungie's bans are easy as shit to get around and that most of the spammers already had alternate accounts waiting for them, in case a mod actually did stop them.

The Flood

To say The Flood is like /b/ is like saying that dropping your eyeliner in the toilet is like the BP oil spill. Despite this, there are some arseholes on The Flood who believe this very thing, only to be tarred and feathered by the more internet-savvy members who have plenty of oil at their disposal for tarring and feathering. Pretty much hated by everyone else, due to their frequent raids, parodies, attacks, buttrapes of other games other than Skyrim, Halo, and Mass Effect.

In any case, the Flood boils down to these points:

Fap Threads
Jailbait Threads.
Meatspin
Relationship threads
The prohibition of pornography (not necessarily a good thing).
It's even more retarded.
The mods try to repress the stupidity, resulting in many bans.
porches
Rather lulzy threads

The easiest way to troll the flood is to simply make a thread about any of the following: Politics, MW2 being good, religion, girls, being gay, saying rap is good, saying rock is good, music in general, porches, and anything else you can think of. It is supposedly "protected" by a group called "The Flood's Army". Mainly just sit on their asses.

Prominent posters in The Flood

Naked Noob - Makes political threads to debate different topics, then flames anyone who doesn't agree with him.
XII CIUTCH IIX - Faggot sissy boy who doesn't like meat.
WyldFyre- Bungie's own rampant furfag who defends furries in the name of justice. You can count on him to post in any thread that has "furries" in the title. Wyldfyre is a source of many lulz as he will often contradict himself. For example: Wyldfyre says that the furry fandom is not a fetish. But when somebody shows a screenshot of the fag showing off his furporn in a bungie tinychat, he will either deny that it represents all furries or simply deny it was him, as all lolcows do.
Harlow - Bungie.net is the only family Harlow has other than his parents. Even then everyone thinks he's a faggot. Harlow has no RL friends and he will be forever alone.
John Cena - A wannabe troll whose idea of "good trolling" is spamming obvious links to meatspin in as many threads as he can. A perfect example of trying too hard. real account is xXxdropshotterxXx
King Dutchy - A notorious druggie.
Shane Dawson - See John Cena for more of the same.
SanghieliWarrior - Like to pretend he is a gay elite. A submissive gay elite.
Daft Punk - WyldFyre's yiffy little bitch use to love Fluttershy to the point of declining real women, now has internet girlfriend.
BATTLER11 - An Hero Coppercab.
ChurchRagnarok- Some faggot brony who claims to be an EMT but really uses that as a cover to lure kids into his pedo van and rape them.
Spartanelet M37 - A brony/furfag that writes My Little Pony porn fics and lives in a delusional world where he is a black pony, named Shadow Light, that has sex with with a main character from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, named Pinkie Pie, and has a child with her named, Cupcake.
R0flc0pt3r - Some faggot who posts "lel" 90% of the time.

Gallery of Floodian Culture

A typical day in the flood forum.
When you mention CoD

Notable Trolls

Naked Noob - see above
MarryMeJane/ExplosivePigs - posted a bunch of hilariously disgusting Halo erotica in unsuspecting threads. Caused massive amounts of butthurt, plus he was a master thread derailer.
Zickson - Somehow manages to get hot topics despite being an obvious troll.
halomaster10144 - Calls himself an independent, but is really a conservative nutcase who uses crappy sources and rage quits when he's wrong.
Loaf - Bungie's famous Mastertroll.

Forum Ninjas

Forum Ninja's are what BNet calls it's moderators. The term does not sound gay, at all. These forum faggots or bungie worshippers or whatever you wanna call them have no life and believe Bungie is GOD. They happily swallow loads of Bungie's cum and regularly toss each other off in glee at the thought of another map pack. They ban for everything and anything that doesn't worship bungie and have a deep seeded hatred of trolls.

List of Forum Ninjas

Average moderator.

Urk from the bungie.net forums.

Qbix89 - Likes massive amounts of penis.
Foman - Hated by everyone for being a successful black lawyer, a living parodox.
Pezza - is such a failure he can't keep his account from being hacked.
TGP - Faggot who always signs his posts with -TGP-
Captain K Mart - doesnt afraid of anything*
The Slayer - A 17 year old
Urk - A bungie employee that writes the weekly updates (mind you the updates have never actually contained "updates" for Bungies games). His latest updates include gay interviews about noble map pack and other dumbass bull shit. He blindly worships Bungie and his forum posts are hard hitting pieces of literature such as "I Voted." which was his response to a poll topic titled "Do you think Reach needs a patch?" He also spends his times posting irrelevant pictures in threads. Since only bungie employees can post pictures, this is considered to be the greatest thing ever, turning the thread into an instant hot topic. His real name is Eric Osborne and he lives at 2304 S Pinebrook Ln.Seattle, WA 98198. If you have any complaints about how much halo sucks give him a call at~~(206) 249-8907.~~ The landlinde has been discontinued newfag. Extra points if you link him to this page!!!one!
True Underdog - A furry who became a moderator by blowing Tom Giocanda.
Achronos - Real name: Tom Giocanda. He is ta bungie.net overlord and a fatass.
Recon number 54 - A lovable old fatass.
Dazarobbo- Raped as a child.
Bobcast - Claims to be a doctor.
Duardo - A mystical old slushie. A submissive Slushie.

Bungie.net Copypasta

Dazarobbo's bad day

Dazarobbo was having a horrible day. He just got laid off from his job and his girlfriend just kicked him out of her house when she heard the news. His relationship with her had been deteriorating ever since he became a moderaor on bungie.net. Instead of hammering her, he spent his time hammering noobs on the forums. He had nowhere to go and he had no internet. His family was about 777 miles away and he only had enough money and gas to get to 666 miles. Daza knew he had to find a place to stay. So he called his best friend, Bobcast. Daza explained the situation, about how he got fired from his job and kicked out by his girlfriend and that he just needed a place to stay. Bob listened patiently to Dazarobbo. When Daza was done talking he asked, "Do you think I could stay at your place for a couple of days? Until I find a job at least?" "Sure man, Recon Number 54, Foman, TU and I are going to be having a drinking party tonight. You could join us for a couple of days." Dazarobbo thanked him a lot for being such an awesome friend.

So Dazarobbo hitched a ride on a bus (his ex girlfriend owned the semi-truck since she was a trucker). 30 minutes later, he was at Bobcasts apartment and he knocked on the door. Bob opened the door up and welcomed dazarobbo in. "The other guys are inside playing halo reach, there are chips and salsa in the kitchen and beer in the fridge, help yourself dude. You will be staying in room upstairs on the left." he said. "Thanks man, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this." said Dazarobbo. "No problem man, I am a doctor. It is my duty to take care of people, especially my friends." Dazarobbo went upstairs to put his things in his room. Then he came back down and said hi to the others. "sup?" said True Underdog, "Hey -blam!- whats happnin?" said foman " Hey son? how are you doing?" said recon number, who took up a whole couch. "Just hanging out for a couple of days.

So he sat down to play some games with the other ninjas. When nightfall came, the drinking games started. Foman and Bobcast played against Dazarobbo and True underdog in a game of beer pong while Recon number ate 2 bags of chips and drank one of the kegs of beer. So the games went on and the ninjas got pretty drunk. Dazarobbo, who was staggering drunk, burst out crying all of a sudden. "yo whats wrong bro? *hiccup*" said foman. "Ever since I became a forum ninja, my life went downhill!I had so much fun banning people that I didn't pay attention to my girlfriend or my job! So I lost m-my job and I l-lost my girlfriend a-and she k-kicked me out! " Dazarobbo bellowed. The other ninjas looked at him with sympathetic glances. Bobcast put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You are not the only one. I wanted to become a surgeon. But ever since I became a ninja, my life went downhill. I wasn't able to finish my classes in collegeman, now I am only a nurse. Plus I got kicked out of my girlfriend's house too!" "R-Really?" said Dazarobbo. "So was I man" said foman, who now had tears in his eyes. "I was goin to be a -blam!- lawyer yo! but then I became a ninja! and DAMN! I had so much fun kickin them stupid white folks from bungie.net and haven them swear me out that i forgot to do my classes an shit. my bitch kicked me out of her house and i was on the street! An my homie, Bobcast took me in!"

Dazarobbo was astounded. He looked at True underdog, who immediatly broke down and cried. "me too man! I have a beautiful son! But I never paid attention to him because I was a ninja on bungie.net! My girlfriend kicked me out and bobcast took me in!". Recon number 54 burped. "I never knew we were all so alike... I love you guys so much!" exclaimed Dazarobbo "we need eachother don't we?" They all nodded, even recon number nodded, sending undulations through his blubber. So they all gathered around and hugged eachother. Then, what one can only hope was the guidance of the alcohol, they began to fondle eachothers asses.

The ninjas began to undress until they were butt naked. Their throbbing banhammers hanging . Dazarobbo and bobcast caught eachother's eyes and began to embrace eachother. While Dazarobbo and Bobcast were making out, True underdog knelt in front of foman. Then foman shoved his big black veiny banhammer into his ass, making True Underdog squeal. Meanwhile, Recon number 54, who couldn't get out of the couch because of his weight, began to jerk his banhammer. Bobcast looked at Dazarobbo's raging banhammer and knelt down. He put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Meanwhile foman and true underdog cried out and they both sprayed banhammer juice at the same time. Recon number was still jerking. Bobcast's sucking was making dazarobbo moan in ecstacy. All of a sudden he cried out and sprayed into Bob's mouth. They were spent.

But then bobcast looked at recon meaningfully. Recon, getting the message, pulled out his glass eye. Then bobcast came over and stuck his banhammer ino recon's eye socket. This got recon to moan and jerk off even more furiously. Bobcast screamed as he came into that eyesocket, dripping banhammer juioce down recon's cheek. Recon came all over bobcast's legs. The night went on and the ninjas are now closest friends. But then one night, foman was was monitoring the forums and saw this story. "WHO THE FUCK RECORDED THIS SHIT AND MADE AN ALTERNATE ACCOUNT ON BNET?!?!?"

Sanghieli Warrior and his friends

SanghieliWarrior was kneeling at the end of the bed, butt naked. Ready to take Ryle's throbbing elite phallus into his tight ass. Ripa was laying down on the bed, his legs hanging over the edge so that SanghieliWarrior's snout was at his crotch, and Ryle was standing behind SanghieliWarrior's ass, ready to dominate.

The elites growled and huffed, ready to take the great journey with eachother. SanghieliWarrior hovered his mandibles above Ripa's erect cock, and plunged his maw onto it, making Ripa groan with delight. Then he felt Ryle poke at his ass, teasing his tailhole with his pre coated pride. Then he felt Ryle thrust....

SanghieliWarrior howled with agonized pleasure as he felt the ridge covered dick slide into his tight ass and press against his prostate. Ryle placed his hands around SanghieliWarrior's waist and thrust until his hilt met SanghieliWarrior's cheeks. Then SanghieliWarrior continued to suck ripa off, his maw was coated in the elite's purple pre-cum.

Ripa shuddered and placed his hands on SanghieliWarrior's head and said "oooo brother, you are amazing." Ryle knodded in agreement as he continued thrusting. "Your passage is tighter than that of a human's!" SanghieliWarrior began to sway back and forth with pleasure as he was fucked in the ass.

an hour passed...and then 2 hours. Pleasure began to build SanghieliWarrior's mid-region....

Ryle growled and picked up the pace, he began to thrust harder and deeper, causing SanghieliWarrior to coo with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior slid his hands under Ripa's buttocks and gave them a squeeze, his finger slid up Ripa's hole and Ripa howled with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior wiggled his finger, making Ripa buck a little. He continued sucking the elite off while being pounded in the ass.

"BY THE GODS!" he thought, "I haven't felt this way since I encountered the demon!" Soon, all 3 of the elites were approaching their threshold. And at the same times, they howled. Ryle blew his load into SanghieliWarrior's depths, Ripa blew his load onto SanghieliWarrior's face, getting it coated with green elite c*m, and SanghieliWarrior blew his load onto the floor. He felt like his body was tearing itself apart!

30 minutes later, the orgasms settled down and they all fell asleep.

The next morning, 3 naked teenagers were found dead in the woods. Autopsy reports showed that they overdosed on LSD.

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