Chrono Trigger
Chrono Trigger = ZOMG. BEST. FUCKING. GAME. EVER. Also, it was a highly popular Super Nintendo game that was (and still is) used frequently in YTMND fads. It is legitimately regarded as a RPG epic, despite featuring a protagonist that is completely mute. In this game, one time-travels to accomplish junk like going back in time to fight a vicious mole and save a princess. I shit you not. The original characters were designed by Dragon Ball Z's Akira Toriyama and, as evidenced by the picture, we can see he put a shit ton of effort into new and fresh characters.
Typical Conversation
Dumbass A: "What's your favorite RPG, buttbuddy?"
Dumbass B: "Final Fantasy 7, but of course Chrono Trigger comes second."
Quest 64(if you only had an Nintendo shitty4) is the true winner, unbeknown to either of the faggots.
Crono
Would have been called Chrono but each character was only allowed five letters in their game name. The poster child for the video game trend where the main character cannot talk. Also bears a striking resemblance to the main character in Secret of Mana-- thus perpetuating the incidence of 13year-old boys around the world believing that they are uniquely chosen for a mystic destiny.
Magus
Magus is the blue-purple haired gothic elf wizard thing who teenagers masturbate over and write terrible slashfic. Of course, once Final Fantasy 7 was released, Sephiroth came along and took his place as the resident long haired goth faggot of video game fandom. Riku from Kingdom Hearts tried to make a run for the title, but the crown has yet to be relinquished.
An important side note is that Magus is his drag queen stage name. His actual name is Janus, which just so happens to contain the word 'anus'. Is that a coincidence?
Hardly.
Both Janus/Magus hail from the emo persuasion. Check out this irrefutable evidence:
- They don't talk much.
- They're moody and bring you down when they actually do.
- They complain about the woe of their lives and the darkness therein.
- They presumably write poetry when not practicing the art of magic.
- Their hair obscures the face.
Some 13-year-old boys still idolize him even though the game was released some 13 years ago and can be seen putting his stupid lines from the game in their signatures on message boards like GameFAQs.
Frog/Glenn
Frog was a green haired fag knight who was turned into a frog by Magus. He joins the party to defeat Magus and turn himself back. He discovers the cure can only be obtained orally through Magus' cock which is an optional ending for the game. He was created to spread furdom to animals with scales for furries too radical for mainstream furfaggotry.
Rick Robo
From far in the future comes this steampunk monstrosity. While "Robo" may look like a regular ho-hum robot, the truth could be no farther and more complex. In reality, the metal shell serves as a heavily protected mobile sarcophagus containing the body of none other than our very own Rick Astley. Thanks to the miraculous power of the internet hate machine, Rick has the power to survive until the end of time.
His side-quest is notable as well. Robo plots to break free of the evil Communist regime, and his girlfriend is the only other one who'll believe in him. After destroying Mother Brain, the fembot tells him that his name is really Prometheus. Wait, no one's read Anthem, right? Whatever the hell that is.
Evidence of this holiest of unions is plainly heard in this musical overlay of theme songs.
Endings
Chrono Trigger, famous for multiple endings which varied based on when you finished the game. For example if you fail to steal the idol from the lizard trolls in the ancient time and choose to beat the big boss right then and there, the world winds up turning out like Atlanta.
Gallery
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The game features pedophiles. -
More pedos -
Also more pedos -
C'mon you obviously
knew she was a ho... -
See? -
The game glorifies being a transvestite. -
Well fuck you too,
you little bastard-bot! -
The Quest For Lucca's Stolen Virginity!
ACTUAL GAME SCREENCAPS!
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After A Late Night Of Intense Partying -
Our Hero Awakens -
Srsly Chrono, You Stink! -
Hurty Vajayjays? -
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OH NOES! -
But Can Our Heroes Find The Stolen Virginity?! -
SHOCKING! -
That Cherry Popping Pedo Won't Get Away With It! -
Date Rapes Is
SRS Business!
Square-Enix Trolls the Fans
If you follow the news regarding Chrono Trigger, you know Square-Enix is notorious for trolling the fans. (Chrono Resurrection anyone?) Well on May 8th of 2009, they went at it again, this time pwning a fan ROM hack years in the making! Apparently reverse-engineering a game is illegal these days.
External Links
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