Demon's Souls

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File:Demons soul profile.jpg

Trophy unlocked: You got shitfucked

File:Demons souls girl.png

Typical NPC

Demon's Souls, also known in Japan as “DEMONZU SOURU” is a role-playing video game created by From Software and published by Atlus for the Playstation 3 Gameboy Color, it is also notable for having a difficulty-rate so high that the game serves as proof that there is no God.

Unlike other JRPGs, the game takes place in a dark, brutal world where the player goes around getting killed by various monsters and traps, and occasionally bangs blind children. The game was a surprise hit, mostly due to the fact that the game caters to the Wapanese gamers who usually spend 36 hours on bossfights anyway, and saw the game as another chance at wasting their pathetic existences.

All obese hipsters agree. This game is awzum!

Obs! Note the living lardsack talking to the camera.

The Introducton

Ghouls can be a nasty bunch

like any other JRpg games, you begin in an area where you get tips on how to fuck shit up for your enemies, but, get this, you also have to simultaneously kill them while reading the tips. But due to the fact that the auto-aim option is pure shit, you must rely on SWINGING FUCKING EVERYWHERE! Then you realize that you cannot die in the tutorial, and realize you were skipping all the hints due to ghoul hordes going batshit insane at you (Ghouls, the most creative monster in the game). At the end of the tutorial you meet Vanguard, an ugly hybrid between the troll in Harry Potter, and the big motherfucking demon who, omg, almost killed Gandalf. Anyways, that shit ugly troll demon pwns the living manure out of you and you fucking die. Fagtastic!

Would have been a raging hit if they just stopped the bullshit right there, but absolutely not, you wake up as a soul in an underground cathedral at a place called the Nexus ( moar liek sex us, AMIRIGHT???). There are no more tutorials. You immediately get your first quest! The first mission is at the Boletarian palace inside a statue of a self proclaimed midget king. The first thing you see when you go up the stairs to the gates of the palace are sneaky fucking ghouls hiding behind wooden crates. You, being the naive stupid piece of shit you are, decided to attack the first ghoul hiding behind a crate you see, only to realize there were ghouls behind crates on the other side of the bridge who are ready to rape at sight. You lose half your lifepoints and gain 20 souls.

When you get past all of the ghouls on the bridge you find out that you DO NOT get to go directly inside the palace, but rather in a side door - only to get raped sum more. You keep going, and going, and going, for at least 40 minutes - and you have now figured out how to work all the options. Congratulations. When you get on top of the palace, you decide to go to the right, and kill a ghoul with a spear - the second most creative monster in the game. You are now a self proclaimed badass, and you decide to go ahead and kill the goblin with red eyes, but instead get 1KO'd. You must now restart at the beginning of the quest, with no points. Repeat.

Steps to win

1. Begin Quest

2. Kill masses

Typical reaction after 10 minutes of gameplay

3. Get confident

4. Too confident, dead

5. Lose all souls

6. Retrieve all souls

7. Die twice

8. All souls are nulled

9. ???????

10. Profit!!

The Dæmons soul system

You: Are a raging faggot, but enough about you, let's talk about your character. Your character is a human, unless nigger, and has survived the extreme harsh environment of Boletaria.

Maiden in Black: Illustrated most exaggeratedly on the picture at the top of the page. She controls teh demons souls, and can power you up with the souls you have.

Unkown soldier by the Nexus portal: Bawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwws, and dies about halfway into the game, leaving behind a storied soldiers souls, which is worth about 2000 souls.

Thomas The Stockpiler: Is fucking handy because you won't have a godanm chance having the same gear in every archstone dimension. He takes care of your shit and YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD, DON'T LET EM TAKE IT FROM YA!

The blacksmiths: Both have the exact same voice actors - an annoying Irish accent. But are quite handy when you wanna turn souls into swords, LOL!

Ostrava Of Boletaria: Will be the first NPC you meet within an archstone dimension. He's your stereotypical hero, with a subenglish/medieval accent, and over 9000 megabytes of compliments for you, his dear hero, for saving him - thrice.

Sage Freke: Pronounced frake asshole! Is the most useful NPC because melee < magic. Sorry meleefags.

Saint Urbain: You will find him in a pit, and despite the fact that he can use Gods Wrath, you will have to fight a black phantom to free both you and him from the pit. Miracles are so-so.

brb w/ more

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