Fallout

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	“	Tunnel Snakes Rule!	„
	— Butch

Fallout's lovable mascot, Vault-Boy Pip-Boy Vault-Boy.

Obligatory Rule 34. And it is even an official in-game image, not lying!

Even more 34.

Fallout (aka Fagout) is a Homosexual game series set during the Gay 1950s in Amerifag's Base, despite the games taking place hundreds of years in the future. The supreme and courageous Amerifag government of this time decided the communist citizens of China needed to be taught a lesson and fired every nuclear ICBM in their arsenal at the commies. However, China got the same idea and fired their ICBMs at the homeland. Soon, every country with nuclear weapons joined in to protect themselves. Africa, the only continent without nukes, was the only place to escape unscathed.Sadly, they were too intellectual to exist without intervention from western civilizations and died from fucking. Some people survived this apocalypse by hiding their families in private banks called "Vaults", emerging only over 100 years later. The first game casts you as one of these Vault-dwellers. You are so pure due to the awesomeness within the Vault; you can barely walk, taking every step in a side to side stagger. Unable to walk in diagonal lines, you are a social outcast and are spat upon by even the foulest inhabitants of the Wasteland.

Fallout 1

The creators had no fucking clue about science, and figured that a nuclear war would destroy every plant on Earth forever, even though Chernobyl has a fucking forest around it. You can walk around in a radioactive area and be totally safe from radiation poisoning. Radiation would only be around water sources like water towers.

The game can be best described as a DMV simulator, in that you get to move and perform actions only when every other Down Syndrome fucker gets their move first. This can lead to the game trolling the fuck out of gullible morons who play this game, especially when someone important dies and you can't load until everyone has had their turn. The story itself involves getting some chip for some pedophile that will help avoid a disaster and purify the water in your civilization... only that once that is done, your expected to fix everything else that's fucked up with the Wasteland; namely mutants.

This is what happens when you make a wrong turn in Fallout.

As this is a role-playing game, you can savagely murder children and take their money, but then every last person will try to kill your child-murdering ass. Children were removed anyway from the British and German versions of the game, and in the game, you still get better rewards for being a moralfag. The only notable part of the game (aside from childkilling) is having the option to play as an aspie; even then though, the comedy is in short supply.

Fallout 2

As if the first one wasn't bad enough, Interplay decided to come back with another game, this time with more bugs and issues without a patch, Yay. If you have played this game, and compared it to the first game, you may ask yourself, whats the difference? The answer is nothing. Same perk system, same Attributes, some new skills,Nothing interesting . The story still is maintained in what they like to call a "Fallout Universe". Even with all the patches, there are bugs everywhere, all substantial to gameplay, and render it unplayable.

The one thing that they accomplished last game, was b& during this installment, for "portrayal of children in violent games". Thank you, censorship. There were also OMG SO RANDUM encounters in which you meet the bridge keeper from Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, Encounter a crashed away craft from the Starship Enterprise and other random shit that makes the game take years to beat. The final boss is a robot claiming to be President of the United States, and the only way to defeat him is to dress up as an intern and give him a hummer, then tell some disgusting, old, fat whore about it whilst she records the conversation. Or You Blow off his head and shit down his neck.

You could get laid in this game, drive a car too. You could also screw yourself over by becoming a slaver, that's when all the butthurt moralfags in the wasteland won't do shit for you. You could become a porn star and get aids, join the mafia, get raped by a super mutant, or even become a Scientologist.

Playing Fallout IRL

Despite the horrible leveling system, the tedious and boring errand boy quests, the failed attempts at humor, and unenjoyable combat system the basement dwellers at No Mutants Allowed still claim it was the best rpg ever made. And refuse to acknowledge Oblivion With Guns as a sequel. They are extremely butthurt that it didn't follow the same isometric, turn based, boring as hell style as its predecessors. Even though it still requires the player to spend 90% of play time scrounging through the post apocalyptic wasteland picking through pointless items trying to find the one box of ammo in a pile of trash.

“   Overall, it looks like it's a much better game than Oblivion. It's not a Fallout game, of course. It's not even a Fallout-inspired game as I quietly hoped. It's a game with things you've seen in the Fallout games. Like vaults and super mutants.   „     —Vince D. Weller Friends call him basement.     “   One of the most played games in history (Diablo 2) and one that will top this game in sales many times over (Diablo 3) IS isometric. Did not think about that. VERY very good point when people say that isometric games are "outdated".   „     —Public - Fossil from NMA forums clinging to his guns and religion.     “   Blizzard announced not so long ago that Diablo 3 would be Iso-Metric. Oblivion With Guns was by far the most depressing game I ever played.   „     —[ION]Dictator - crying delicious fanboy tears Previous Quote | Next Quote

File:Fallout 3 grandma nooooo.jpg

How to treat your elders in Oblivion With Guns.

Lulz can be had simply by posting about some of the following on the No Mutants Allowed forums

• Talk about how great an addition Oblivion With Guns was to the franchise, be sure to mention how Bethesda stayed true to the overall feel of the previous Fallout games.

• Claim how satisfied you are with the expansion packs to Oblivion With Guns, be sure to mention how the first two games were full of bugs that were never properly addressed.

• Declare that turn based rpg's are a thing of the past, and rpg elements in an action game are far superior to the trash from yesteryear.

• Give acclaim to Bethesda for making Fallout a popular and fun franchise instead of the gloomy almost unknown series that it once was.

• Make mistakes about who published what "Interplay must be back on top after releasing Oblivion With Guns." "I just wish Bethesda hadn't made the first two games of the series so dreary."

• And so on and so forth, about 5 minutes of reading forum posts about Oblivion With Guns will give you some ideas.

Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel

...Not to be confused with Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel.

After releasing two games in the main series, it was time for a spin-off and as a result came Fallout Tactics. The graphics are improved upon from the previous games (You can now play in a screen resolution besides 640x480) and now the game focuses more on combat, with cumbersome squad controls, and a revised semi-real time combat system. Of course, if preferred, the player can switch back to the tedious old turn-based system of the previous games, now with a boring-ass long wait time, while the AI makes it's move. There was also an editor included, which no one has ever figured out how to use. Oh, and you can't bang hookers and kill kids, like you could in previous games.

Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel

..Not to be confused with Fallout Tactics: Brotherhood of Steel.

Following the release of Fallout Tactics, Interplay head honcho Herve Caen decided that it would be a great idea to produce a crappy Diablo knock-off as the next installment in the series instead of focusing on the development of Oblivion With Guns, which was at the time known as "Fallout 3" but was changed to Oblivion With Guns to more suit the style of the game. The title Van Buren or some faggy German shit like that was also considered. Brotherhood of Steel was built on the same game engine as Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance, which, coincidentially, was also a shitty Diablo clone flavoured raping of a well-known CRPG series.

Needless to say, nobody bought BoS (more like PoS, amirite, lol) and Interplay went bankrupt. For some reason, everyone at Interplay kept working, despite being evicted from their office and going without pay for at least 100 hours.

Van Buren a.k.a. The "real" Fallout 3 a.k.a The Greatest game ever Played

After years of planning for the next entry in the franchise, Black Isle Studios (the makers of the games), suddenly went into bankruptcy. Apparently not releasing a new product for several years can lead to financial ruin, who knew? They also claimed that the game was OMG ALMOST FINISHED, but alas, no one cares. Their headquarters were gutted, the company disbanded, and their financial executives were anally raped by Super Mutants.

So with the loss of the developers, the child-murdering, nuclear apocalypse rape game officially died. And so it remained for the better part of a decade, until a group of faithful fans decided that they had raped every super mutant again and again and again. With a trusty G.E.C.K. in one hand, and its penis in the other, Bethesda officially acquired the rights to the Fallout Franchise

There also is an old legend that if you can beat The game, without killing anyone, you receive a special prize.

Fallout 3

Mr.Tenpenny will see you now.

This may look intimidating, but one shot to its head with a shotgun and you win.

Fallout 3 is Bethesda Softworks' revival of the Franchise, who realized that the only way to revive a completely dead franchise was to completely change the gameplay, set the story in an entirely different region than its predecessors, and sprinkle their own secret magic formula for good measure. While many people claim that its nothing more than Oblivion with guns, and that its not really a true sequel, keep in mind that 1): Oblivion was a terrible game, and anything added to it is an improvement(you wouldn't call your lawn "dog shit with grass and sidewalk"); and 2) if it wasn't for Bethesda, no one would have even remembered what Fallout even was.

V.A.T.S.

V.A.T.S. IRL.

Allows the player to target vaginas/anuses/holes in an enemy while time has stopped. This enables you to do critical damage to the enemy or shoot the gun out of their hand when you ejaculate. Most of the time the player will just shoot their heads to try to end the fight faster which isn't fun at all. V.A.T.S. is percentage based, so if your weapon is a piece of shit and your weapon skills suck ass, then you will miss consistently. If you do make contact and kill your enemy, they will be decapitated in the most spectacularly gory way ever as a way of thanking you for putting up with V.A.T.S.' non-removable slow-mo.

Don't even try to use melee weapons though. Bethesda decided to make V.A.T.S. in melee FUCKING USELESS (except for The Shiskebab which skeets hwat fiyar!). Not only can you not target a specific area on the enemy's body, but every time you decide to V.A.T.S. with melee you will hit them once and then use all of your AP like a person with a very high I.Q. waving your laughably ineffectual weapon at nothing.

If you manage to save up 1000 caps, you'll be able to get a blowjob from one of these lovely ladies.

S.P.E.C.I.A.L.

Having been around since the first game, S.P.E.C.I.A.L. is a character creation/leveling/skill system that borrows heavily from another system known as G.U.R.P.S.. Originally the game was indeed going to use G.U.R.P.S., but Steve Jackson Games, the owners of GURPS, thought that the game was much too violent for their wimpy faggot company that they decided not to let Interplay use it. When the player first creates a character, they can apply stat points to different attributes. For example you make a character with low intelligence and watch him grunt his way through the game's conversations,low charisma, but very high strength and endurance. With Oblivion With Guns, Intelligence is the number one skill to level up, as apparently being smart equals moar learning. You can also choose to specialise in three skills which range from essentials (Skill with big-ass guns), to useful (Steal), to just plain useless (Outdoorsman).

Actual Gameplay

File:Corpse on swing set.jpg

Common household decoration in the wasteland.

Fallout: New Vegas

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

THIS GAME CONTAINS MECHANOPHILIA

Boone, one of the companions in New Vegas. Wears this expression throughout the entire game, even when he's dead.

Fallout New Vegas is essentially the sequel to Fallout 3, other than the fact that it's pretty much the same shit but with moar bugs and a seriously fucked up difficulty curve. You play as some shit delivery boy who's kidnapped by some douche bag named Benny (i.e Chandler) because you were delivering a poker chip to an old dying guy who runs the New Vegas strip. This chip would allow him to pretty much take over the Mojave Desert, but you don't know that yet. (Except now you do, lulz.) Chandler, with the help of some inbred tribal guys, boasts about what a dipshit you are for a few minutes, and then shoots you in the fucking face. You survive the shot though because pretty much everyone in Fallout can usually take about 5-10 headshots before going down. Chandler, unaware that you're still alive, has his tribal lovers bury you, but then some robot named Victor digs you up, the actual game begins, and it all goes downhill from here. Its also interesting to note that with the right perk you can have hawt Buttsecks with Chandler.

The game plays more like Fallout 1 than Fallout 3 in that it starts off as complete bullshit, but becomes so easy towards the end that it's insulting. The first two main quests start you off fighting fairly easy enemies and then all of a sudden, you find yourself in some rocket facility with invisible super mutants shoving rebar pipes up your ass, knocking off a third of your health with each thrust while you desperately try to pick away at their health with your pea shooter. Then almost as soon as you're done with that, it's back to fighting weak ass enemies again unless you do something stupid like wander into a herd of Deathclaws, or a swarm of Cazadors which are retardedly overpowered and can inexplicably kill you by ramming into you and dealing over 9000 damage in less than 3 seconds, despite being derpy insects which suck balls.

Then there are GLITCHES. The game has become notorious for crashing every 15 minutes, chugging whenever NPCs are in sight, and characters getting stuck in the environment. There have been a couple of patches released so far, but they don't seem to do anything. It gets better though. Quite a few of these glitches existed in Fallout 3 too, and on top of that, they had been fixed. The most notable and crippling one is the NPC framerate problem. Whenever NPCs with facial expressions such as ghouls and humans are on screen, the framerate drops significantly. This is because the game relies on the CPU to render their facial expressions. This was a problem in Fallout 3 as well and an unofficial fix that allowed the players' GPU to render the facial expressions instead. The fix was a simple dll that Obsidian probably could have just included with the game.

Some argue that Obsidian improved upon Fallout 3 substantially, one of the most notable changes being voice acting. The more unimportant characters have considerably less dialogue than in Fallout 3, so you'll often pass by a patrol of NCR soldiers muttering "Patrolling the Mojave Desert almost makes you wish for a Nuclear Winter" over and over again. It gets even more ridiculous when you come across murderous Powder Ganger members who scream "MURDERER" over and over again when you attack them, despite the fact that they enjoying blowing the shit out of people with Dynamite for the lulz. Plus, the radio stations makes GNR look good. One's got a computer DJ with a speech impediment and another is run by some crazy guy who lives up in an old military radio post that got nuked. They both play the same five fucking songs over and over again till they make you want to do this number.

	“	Please assume the position.	„
	— Fisto on raping you with a pneumatic dildo.

The Factions

ALL FACTION IDEAS WERE STOLEN GOODS FROM W40K

The Powder Gangers: The niggers of the game. At first, the idea of guy blowing shits with dynamite, raping womans and taking drugs would be awesome but then, you realise there are nothing but a bunch of faggots who do nothing but smoking and standing like a dumbass.AKA STEAL THEIR TNT AND BLOW UP EVERYTHING

Caesar's Legions: A bunch of gay retarded middle aged men who run around in Roman outfits and Football Padding (Wtf?....). There normal day usually includes fapping around each other, burning villages, and tying anyone they hate on a cross for the lulz. It dosent help that there leader is butthurt over a Tumor in his head-which you can use to kill him with after your done shoving your penis into Vega's many whores. Did I mention that Caesar looks and sounds like Dick Cheney? A.K.A PLACE EXPLOSIVE CHARGES AROUND CASESAR AND MAKE HIM A SALAD

NCR: What are suppost to be the the remnants of the American Government, these men and women are mostly self-righteous faggots who screw each other in the ass like Caesar's Legion often does. Despite there so called "Numbers" There arent too many in most places, and are easy to pop off there heads from time to time. a.k.a SHOOT ALL OF THESE BUTTFUCKING FAGGOTS ON SPOT ON.

Please this lady to nuke more shit.

The Boomers: Tinfoil Hats wearing retards who like to blow stuff up with their explosives. They are Paranoid psycho's, led by an old woman called Pearl. If the Player get's enough shit done for the Boomer's he gains their help to fuckin' nuke that dam.

THE BROTHERHOOD; THESE METAL NIGGERS ARE IN THE HOOD WESTSIDE STYLE AND IF YOU WANT TO BE INITIATED THEY MAKE YOU GANGBANG A LOCAL CRIP AND BLOWING UP HIS SHIT.

DLC

Much to the butthurt of PS3 Fanbois and PC GEEKs, Bethesda decided that telling them to piss off and go fuck themselves and having Microsoft giving it to them up the ass, is still their preferred line of business, as the DLC will be released "exclusive" for Xbox 360. But since Pete Hines is still a fat, money-hungry whore, this "exclusiveness" will probably just be temporary (you know, like the last time, in case you already forgot that) which makes you wonder why the PC and PS3 fags even bothers to complain.

Characters

Japan's Oblivion With Guns cover.

America's Oblivion With Guns cover, Bethesda was clever to make boxart which suits their target audience.

Oblivion With Guns has a fuckton of characters, most just spout TL;DR shit and only want to show you their skill at catching your shotgun shells with their faces, keep that in mind the next time you are faced with a moral decision in this game.

• Dad: After you murder your mother, good ol' dad abandons you in the vault because of personal issues. He even leaves you a note describing in detail that he fucking hates you. Because everyone set their S.P.E.C.I.A.L intelligence to 1, their character sets out to find him. Dad honorably sacrifices his life to save his only child.

• The Overseer: Dad's decision to GTFO makes the head nigga in charge rage, and he decides to kill everyone in the vault. After having a civil chat with him, you then depart the vault.

• Amata: HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU A REAL TUNNEL SNAKE, AMATA?

• Butch: Leader of the Tunnel Snakes and a total Internet Tough Guy. In the chaos of the vault escape, he is in dire-straits and asks for your help because he hates bugs. Your character promptly tells him to fuck off as it proceeds to gang-bang his mother with 4 other radcock­­­roaches. In the unlikely event that you let this 'badass' loose on the Wasteland he lives up to his gang leader status and becomes a hairdresser.

• Sheriff Simms: Seeing alot of black person leader figures in this game? Lucas Simms took advantage of the post-apocalyptic scenario, in true black style, to steal some fine-ass threads and a sweet gat in order to reign supreme over the poor, innocent white folks in Megaton. A natural uppity coon, he confronts you at Megaton's gate and makes you his bitch(doesn't matter if you're a guy or not).

• Harold- He's a human that got mutated into a ghoul, and spent the rest of his days being a hobo and trolling a bunch of tree-huggers who revere him as a god. By an extraordinary sequence of events he's got a tree growing out of his head which he named Bob that he talks to when he's ronery. One of the most lulz worthy moment in the game is to kill him with fire and listen to his shrill scream as he dies slowly in agony, Harold is one of the few recurring characters in the Fallout series next to the Vault Boy mascot and the dog.

• Mister Burke: Megaton's closed, but it would seem Mister Burke had other ideas. The character that everyone wanted to be upon first meeting him. As the story progressed, Simms decides to arrest him and interrogate him for any useful information. Burke reminds Simms that black people cannot amount to anything, before streaming a torrent of lead in his face. Asks you to blow up Megaton for the lulz: seriously this guy is a fucking badass. It should also be noted that his voice actor is the same guy who voices those idiotic guards in Oblivion Without Guns, the prequel to the Failout games.

• Three Dog: Host of GNR (Gay Nigger Radio) who hates the government and doesn't afraid of anything. He sends you on a quest half across the world map just to tell you the information you ask for(along with a TL:DR rant about the good fight). Strongly believes he is a brave, noble voice of his generation, despite the fact he's just an uppity nigger shouting into a microphone from the safety of his tower.

• President John Henry Eden: President of the Enclave. President of America. President of your heart. He loves America. Really, really loves America. And he loves YOU, darling American. Becomes an hero after talking to him for two sentences.

• Dr. Stanislaus Braun: An insane nazi scientist, that wanted to be little girl, so he used computer science to make his own incredibly gay and buggy MMORPG so he could have a fugly loli as his avatar. Since he didn't had any friends to play his super awesome game with, he lured a lot of people into his basement with promises of candy, and forced them to join his server. When you meet him, he has used his admin abilities to turn your father into a dog, in order to brainwash him into thinking he is a furry, and he then proceeds to turn you into a child (possibly to fulfill a dream of having underage cybersex).

• Scribe Yearling: A tranny member (no srsly she has a mustache!!!) of the Brotherhood of Steel, a group of people with a technology fetish who live in the Pentagon and fap to a bigass robot that says anti-Communist cliches and gets nuked (ZOMFG SPOILER ALERT!!!!11One!! etc.) Scribe (read: pencil pusher) Yearling has a learning fetish, and if you bring her books that are in perfect condition (all 3 of 'em), she will suck your cock and you will get to have an orgy with her sex slaves in "Power Armor".

Oblivion With Guns DLC

Yeah what the hell.

Bethesda, deciding that they could suck even more money out of the retarded kids who play their shitty games has released five content packs for Oblivion With Guns. Each one is nothing more than a few more items, achievements and bugs. They also have plans for retail releases for each pack for those too poor to afford internets (But Mothership Zeta will only be on the up-and-coming Game of the Year Edition, the cheap bastards). All of the expansions will come to PC and Xbox first which has caused much butthurt among PS3 owners.

Operation Anchorage

The first Oblivion With Guns downloadable content pack takes place as a virtual reality "military simulation" in the main game where the player character is stripped of their equipment and is forced to use the replacements provided. Based in Alaska, you are a military grunt set with the task of liberating Alaska from it's Chinese invaders with your fellow soldiers who are all fucking stupid and cannot kill a thing on their own. This DLC isn't worth 10 dollars, so don't buy it. It is boring and short, requiring you only to shoot stuff and blow up stuff. The only good thing about this is afterwards you get an indestructible and fucking awesome suit of armor, and another suit that is basically invisible when you squat. However, this armor was stolen from Metal Gear Solid 4. Sony is writing a lawsuit as you read this.

The Pitt

Literally the worst program ever made, there were so many bugs in this that it was taken off the Xbox live market place to be re-released. Once it was playable, all that there was to offer was more 'moral' choices (if you call picking between two dicks a moral choice, not to mention it was the same thing as in the tenpenny tower mission and in oasis ) the area of Pittsburgh itself, now a huge black person complex. Not recommended for puchase, though it isn't as bad as Anchorage, as you can return any time you want and unlock more crappy retextured items.

Broken Steel

After the developers realised they fucked up the story when they had three radiation immune characters that SHOULD have gone in your place. Also, the fans were BAAAAWING that they were too fucking stupid to read that the game has a definite end. They needed a plot device to continue the story so they decided that exposure to radiation just puts you to sleep for 2 weeks (Bethesda continues the grand tradition of shitting on scienceIt's a video game, not a National Geographic special). Extends level cap to 30, breaking the game's difficulty into tiny pieces and adds new main and side quests to the main game. Sadly, they are all about shooting people with guns with the good guys therefore screwing people who like having decent stories. Of course after reaching lvl 30 enemies 3x better than behemoths will start spawning regularly, forcing yourself to OD on stimpacks and use 3 mini-nukes. However, these enemies are weak as hell and can't kill shit. They only take 3 nukes because they have insanely high health. (Then why the fuck are you ODing on stimpacks?)

Point Lookout

Hey kids, you remember the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion DLC "Shivering Isles?" You know, the one where you go about a muddy, schizophrenically spiritual country populated by mentally unstable superhicks? Well, Point Lookout is all of that good ol' homecooked psychopathic rage combined with hot metal and moonshine!

You take a boat ride to Hickville, Maryland. The boatman, Tobar, is revealed to have a brain fetish (not an ED joke. This is fact), and takes a chunk of your brain out. The DLC itself is surprisingly decent. If you're looking to buy one of the DLCs, this is the only one that will give you more than 5 hours of gameplay, plus you get to shoot hillbillies with a double-barrel shotgun while wearing a confederate hat, and completely trip balls after taking drugs. This is one of the lulziest moments in gaming history because you get to see the corpse of your dead mother and a message saying, "If I had a baby that ugly, I'd abandon it too!" Also, the northern hillbillies have developed southern accents because Bethesda could not find a real hillbilly in the north. They obviously never looked in upstate New York or Southern New Jersey. Sounds cool right? Well get ready to be disappointed mother fucker, because it's still a piece of shit.

Yeah, blowing an inbred mutant hillbilly's head off with a double barreled shotgun does sound awesome doesn't it? Well guess what motherfucker, good luck hitting him. That double barreled shotgun is a glitchy piece of shit that can't hit anything further than 10 ft away or closer than 6 inches. Unless you're positioned just right, you're guaranteed to miss. However, it does have some kind of magical properties to it that somehow cause it to become extremely accurate and deadly as soon as an enemy gets their hands on it. They can knock off a third of your health from another fucking country with that shit. So be prepared to spend a lot of your time in point lookout getting raped in the ass even on a low difficulty setting. Oh and assuming you somehow managed to get enough of them to repair one to full condition, it'll still start to jam after just 50 shots. Chances are you won't even bother with it since the terrible shotgun's much more accurate, does much more damage, and is much more durable.

You'd also better enjoy the section where you're tripping balls too because you're going to spend a lot of time on it. This particular part which is part of the main quest is nearly impossible to complete due to the 360 version being ridiculously unstable. If you're playing this shit on the 360, just about everything you do will crash the game on this part. Looking at something the wrong way will crash the game. Moving too fast will crash the game. Moving too slow will crash the game. Breathing on the controller will crash the game. Holding the controller the wrong way will crash the game. At this point, the best thing to do would be to smash your 360, charge in to Bethesda's headquarters and go on a killing spree.

Mothership Zeta

Related to the crashed recon craft, your Pip-Boy picks up a signal from there. You arrive and get abducted for the alien's anal experimentations. After the buttrape, you meet up with more prisoners of the loveship and form an uprising. Here, you meet quite an ensemble of other confused abductees, such as a possibly psychic and demonic little girl, an Old timely astronaut that drops dead immediately, a cowboy that only wants to shoot aliens, a pussy medic that only serves as a healer and cryonade factory, and a samurai that speaks no Engrish. After going killzone on all the extraterrestrials, you can use their ship as your own personal shit-storing station. Too bad your space house doesn't have a fucking bed and 70% of the ship is rendered unexplorable. The characters are all boring and exist only to be shot in the face and looted for unique armor. The weapons are weak as a cripple's kicks. In fact, a revolver from the 1800's beats Alien shields made in 2277.

Also, you find a tape saying the aliens started the nuclear war. This proves Bethesda does not give a shit about their games' own plots and themes (Mankind always screws himself over and has to rebuild). The next game will change the opening speech from, "War. War never changes," to ,"War. War never changes...UNLES ALLEENS ATTAK LOL!"

Fallout: The Movie

Last Thursday, Fallout: The Movie (AKA The Book of Eli) was released to dumped upon the public. This movie will probably be the greatest thing since Raptor jesus because all movies that have been based on games have been the best thing evar. It's a 2012 (srsly) movie about an old black person that was apparently too goddamn stupid to figure out that walking west is the best way to go west. Instead, it took 30 years of wandering the desert for him to reach Nevada or something and find a hooker with a truck to take him to prison. Eli, the titular nigger, hauls an old Bible around with him, because trudging through a near-lifeless wasteland your whole life with an 8-pound book is obviously so much more important than carrying an equivalent weight of food and water. Being a nigger, Eli is shown robbing dead people, breaking into houses and generally taking shit what don't belong to him, yet he reads his magic book every day and says says he's on a mission from God, despite the fact that he kills more people in 20 minutes than your average basement-dweller faps in an entire lifetime (all 27 years of their Cheeto-munching, Ramen-slurping, hentai-watching miserable existence) and likes to watch white wimminz getting raped. Apparently, Eli is also blind, which would explain why it took him so fucking long to reach the west coast if he were white. This twist fucks the whole movie in the ass so hard even YOU won't be able to sit for a week. Fortunately, the movie has a happy ending: Eli dies in prison. Because he's black.

However, since this movie is obviously completely original, it has several key differences:

• Its about a guy that wanders a post-apocalyptic wasteland with the potential to change the world and possibly restore society
• Rather than try to rebuild, people are happier to live in buildings that might collapse if someone faps too hard and kill each other for shoes and books or touching cats
• Only two color schemes were used: Brown and light brown (clearly not the same as Fallout's brown, light brown and gray)
• Overt religious themes (as opposed to Oblivion With Guns's more subtle ones. See? Totally different.)
• Really, really fucking bad music
• Kindly old couple who are actually murderous cannibals (Andale, anyone?)

See also

• Advice Boy
• Basement Dweller
• Gas Mask Girl
• Modding
• Borderlands
• Diablo 2
• Oblivion
• WWIII

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