Sean Matuszak

The photo of Sean Matuszak that was followed by many lulz.

Sean is the illegitimate son of Stephen Colbert.

Sean Michael Matuszak is a legend in /b/. His smile lights up the page and brings happiness to all.

Origin

The Sean Matuzak meme originated when a /b/tard found a bunch of tits and vagoo pics of girls that went to his school and followed up by asking /b/ what to do with them [1]. /b/ refused to believe the OP's allegations until he posted evidence. The OP provided pitcures of his yearbook with the girls in the videos/pictures circled. However the face of Sean was seen lurking in the corner and anonymous realised his awesomeness. To the OP's frustration, /b/ paid more attention to the smiling face of Sean than the chicks. Sean is now a demi-god, and OP was b& for posting personal information. Again, he is not OP of naked girl pics, NOR did he bribe anyone for blow jobs. Only faggots and new fags believe that.

Common Misconceptions

All of the following are wrong:

Sean found and posted the pics/videos of drunk girls
Sean took/filmed the pictures/video of the girls
Sean can be seen in the photos/video
Sean can be heard giving commands to the girls in the video
Sean became an hero

Seanism/Matuszakianity

After his arrival at /b/ ~~on August 23rd 2008~~ last thursday, Sean Matuszak became regarded by many as a God, while others saw him as chemo for the cancer that is killing /b/. Within a short amount of time he has accumulated a huge number of followers who appease him with prayers, photoshops of Sean's face, and offerings such as pr0n. Sean is also a great fan of Halo and all things halo, which made the Xbox and Xbox360 one of the greatest systems known to man.

Through conflicting answers on just what to call this new found religion, many chose between the two sects already established Seanism and Matuszakianity. However both are fine to use no matter which path you have chosen both Seanists and Matuszakians set out in their own ways to spread the holy scriptures.

Early Foray Into Poetry

Sean Matuszak was not just a savior, but also a poetic genius as seen here in his earliest known work:

HALO

I think I’ll pwn me some noobs

So I pick up my controller

And play as a MJOLNIR clad soldier

I’m in a CTF on Headlong

So I jump in my Warthog

Fly into your base

And get a splatter when I drive over your face

Now I’ve got your Flag

Cause you missed with your frag

And get to my base for the score

It’s the next round

Protecting my flag

With dead Spartans around

Killed them all with a mag

The timer’s reached zero

And I am the hero

As you sit there sore

Because of the gore

I have done unto your team

Don’t try to insult me you noob

The timer’s reached zero

And I am an hero

As you sit there sore

Because of the gore

I have done unto your team

Don’t try to insult me you noob

By: Sean Matuszak

Commandments

Thou Shall Be Seansome

Thou shalt not sage Sean Matuszak

Seansome

It was realised that because Sean and Awesome were the same thing that a hybrid word to describe them both should be used. The chosen Word was Seansome. It is used to describe something that is full of win and awesome beyond belief.

Also note that Sean is a fucking genius, with an IQ of 158. You wish you were that Seansome, don't you.

An Open Letter From Anonymous to The Staff of Calabasas High School

August 23, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

I regret to inform you that three of your students, either current or former, have been involved in lewd/illegal activity outside of school. It is not known when this activity occurred, but recently it has come to our attention in the community that Brittany Shaeffer, Jordan Marx, and Emily Whitman were photographed (possibly by themselves) consuming alcohol, and fully nude in sexually suggestive poses, even engaging in opened-mouth kissing with one another. A video even exists of one of the girls masturbating on home webcam.

As painful it is for me to write that, I cannot believe that the administration hasn’t yet taken action, and I cannot in good conscience continue to allow my child to continue to attend your school. This sort of behavior is unacceptable for anyone, especially minors. Where are this girl’s parents? Someone needs to step in and take action. I’m sure Fox News would be very interested in hearing about this.

Have a nice day.

-A Concerned Parent

This was an email originally sent to the staff of the school on 8/23/2008 in hopes of generating lulz. However, when it was posted on /b/, moot cryptically 404ed the thread and killed any chance of discovering the result of the noble trolling attempt. All proceeding threads on the topic were baleeted, killing dozens of threads despite popular demand for the "sauce" and for Sean Matuszak. We are still awaiting comment from the school on the matter.

Sean Discovers /b/

And it was good.

Gallery

Many shoops were created in his honour.

Sean Matuszak's Awesome Gallery About missing Pics

Many people view Sean as a living deity
Our Saviour
Awesome goes wherever he does.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Follow as it is written
Even the Joker loves Sean
Sean brings awesomeness, even in disaster zones.
The great thing about Sean Matuszak isn't being the god of the internet, it's showing everyone online that I am.
Sean advises you to be awesome.
The resemblance is eerie.
Sean loves the xbox360 it is the new choice of /b/