RealJock
RealJoke, often abbreviated RJ, is a website for gay jocks, fitness buffs, and gay men looking to have a more active lifestyle. Though the site obviously claims to be for gay men interested in fitness, they allow anyone and everyone on, so the site has become a giant clusterfuck of lisps, STDs, and collective stroking of each others' victim complexes. The forums are constantly full of five things: flame wars, twinks bitching that masculine gay guys don't like them, troll attacks, old queens whining about Palestine, and queenier queens talking about Britney Spears since that's the only thing they think about, well, other than how to collect STDs like Pokemon cards. Any sign of trolling is immediately pounced upon by the members, with their fierce e-claws and the slow banhammer of the site admin. Needless to say, anything and everything posted on the site is like a match being dropped in a dry forest that's been sprayed with gasoline.
Different Personalities on the Site
RealCock is supposedly classier than gay hookup sites like Craigslist, BigMuscle, Manhunt (yes, the video game), and ModelMayhem. However, this is clearly not the case. The site, for one, allows users to upload n00dz, unlike some other gay sites, and actively promotes being a camwhore through their free adult webcam chat. The following examples should provide some insight into the depths of depravity that can be witnessed on RJ. Sometimes it's better to stare into the abyss of goatse than to look at what's on RJ. And I wish I were kidding when I said that.
Exhibit A.
The muscular gay guy. More than a bit of a paradoxical, oxymoronic conundrum, this specimen's life revolves around going to the gym, working out for 20 minutes, then spending 2 hours cruising the gym sauna and showers for anonymous buttsecks. Exhibitionists at heart, these are the guys who will never upload an image of themselves wearing a shirt, however, they rarely upload n00dz because they don't want anyone they know in person to see (though they're all in porn... srs.) While exhibit A's mission in life is to prove to the world he has more to offer than a hot body, he's normally too busy having sex or working out to make anything else of himself.
Many specimens of exhibit A vehemently oppose normal gay activities like public sex, likely to try to prove how "str8" they are though they're total whores for cock. The RJ meme "You Cruise, You Lose," discussing gym cruising, was birthed by one such exhibit A.
IRL, exhibit A tends to only associate with others like itself. They hook up with each other all the time but consider themselves too good/hot for Craigslist.
Exhibit B.
The average-bodied gay guy who's only on RJ to look at pictures of Exhibit A. Often, these guys don't upload pictures to hide their fugly, however, one will occasionally get a case of USI and venture into the forums thinking they'll soon be the most attractive guy on RJ though they only work out once a year. Normally, these people lose interest and keep lurking long after their departure from the forum catfights. Exhibit B is also often resentful toward Exhibit A for being so much better at life, and thus many specimens of Exhibit B try to harass Exhibit A in the forums. Exhibit A, however, does not notice the mere 4/10's and continues his pushups while getting assfucked.
Exhibit C.
The bitter, resentful old man. Only athletic in his later years and unable to lose his beer gut, these old bears populate the forums and constantly whine about how harsh and oppressive things were when they were young, and about how they weren't able to come out until now. They use this as an excuse to upload horrifying shirtless and nude photos, and feel slighted when people don't show them as much e-love as the younger, more attractive members. Always liberal, these geriatrics will attack any viewpoint or politician they deem responsible for their time spent in the closet.
Exhibit D.
The creepy old stalker. Unlike the bitter, resentful old man, the creepy old stalker will rarely participate in forums, and often does not upload any images of himself. However, he will "hot list" every member under 30 and ask them to send him their n00dz. They are generally unlucky, and often get swiftly banned for their faggotry. Exhibit D can also get very clingy, and quickly becomes attached to those with whom he has never communicated. If a person does not respond to Exhibit D's message quickly enough, Exhibit D will often flip shit and send hate mail to the object of his affection.
Exhibit E.
The young closet case. Specimens of Exhibit E will "hot list" a large number of people and message them asking to talk. While normally an inconspicuous, straight-acting desperate guy, sometimes these are really examples of Exhibit D in disguise, trying to con younger, more attractive members into sending them their n00dz. Legitimate examples of Exhibit E will often post in forums looking for advice, and will be shunned by Exhibit F when they say "I don't want to be a part of the gay scene." Exhibit E is also known for general self-loathing and not being able to come to terms with his sexuality, and criticizing more outspoken gays while fapping to their man-thong pics. In the forums, exhibits A and E frequently get into flame wars against exhibits B, C, F, and G while Exhibit D sits on the sidelines masturbating.
Exhibit F.
The butthurt flaming queen. See Gaygod, Brandon Hilton, etc. This exhibit is known to flood the forums with fairy dust, often going ad hominem at moderates, conservatives, and anyone who disagrees. They all believe that if every gay person on the planet were to hold hands and be BFFs, there would be sparkles and rainbows in the sky. Not even kidding. They're not on crack, they're just batshit liberal. Exhibit F is quick to criticize anyone who does not think as it does, particularly Exhibit E. The hostility with which these queens treat closeted Exhibit E has likely made more than one person decide to stay in the closet forever just to avoid death by lisping.
Exhibit G.
There are no words. Look to the right. Actually there are words, eww. Typically gone within a few days due to how much shrinkage they produce.
Yet get hit up later in the chat rooms(Usually by Exhibit E's).
Exhibit H.
The politico. Only on RJ to argue politics, this clusterfuck of ten or so people go back and forth nonstop in threads about Palestine posted all over the website - yes, even in the dating forum, these folks are arguing about whether or not Muslims should be allowed to take land from the mighty Jew. Most instances of Exhibit H are around a 4/10, old or middle-aged, and in relationships, hence their boredom with every other part of the site. While there are more liberal specimens of Exhibit H than conservative, often times conservative members (mainly exhibits A and E) jump to the conservatives' aid, then regret their posting when they realize expressing their view cost them Man of the Day votes. Many members of Exhibit I, mainly on the left but with two major exceptions on the right, have given up on actually debating and instead prefer to belittle the opposition with inane flames.
Exhibit I.
The race warrior. Almost always black, these people post thread after thread about their blackness and bring it up when it is out of context. Often times easily butthurt, these specimens enjoy talking about Obama, but when someone mentions Obama's general lack of effort on the gay rights front, they get all "NUH UH OH NOES U DI'INT!" This exhibit is often known to put their race in their username (as if it wasn't obvious from their pics and/or posts), and often engage in general fail in the NSFW chat room.
Exhibit J.
The user no one cares about but lives on RJ nevertheless. Specimens of exhibit J could fit any of the above mentioned exhibits (they are generally akin to exhibit B), but are a different subspecies because, instead of bitterness and laziness, their posts are steaming piles of non-interest often numbering over 9000 (no srsly). They spend all their time online spamming the forums, wasting server space while having nothing important to say. Sadly, Exhibit J is unable to be trolled because it will automatically think trolling is pure objective conjecture or constructive criticism, and will never get the point. They post every thought that runs through their head in the "What's on your mind?" thread, and think that spamming irrelevant gifs to increase their post count is somehow amusing. Overall, a giant clump of fail.
The Webcam Chat Rooms
RealJock has two webcam chat rooms, one that is SFW (which no one ever goes into) and and that is NSFW, which often has at least 100 people in it. The latter chat room will be further elaborated in this section since no one gives a shit about anything SFW.
The adult chat room is frequented by exhibit A when seeking attention and approval, exhibit B to watch exhibit A, exhibit C to masturbate on cam, exhibit D to masturbate on cam (or be creepy and lurk), exhibit E to masturbate (but rarely on cam), exhibit F to dance around in its underwear to Lady GaGa, Katy Perry, and Ke$ha, and exhibit G for... I don't even want to think about it. Exhibit H is often found in there ready to discuss the role of Islam in world politics, and Exhibit I is busy dancing to Beyonce and calling everyone who isn't watching him a rayciss. Exhibit J is again irrelevant. The NSFW chat room says that only one person is allowed per camera, i.e., no live buttsecks, however, the rules are leniently enforced, to say the least - even the admin likely faps to the webcam chat.
Anyone who has a substantially-sized "buddy list" on RJ or is on many hot lists has likely taken it off in the webcam chat. Scratch that, pretty much every member has gotten naked in there, however, only the attractive ones or those who are on it 24/7 get hot listed.
In 2013, RJ's admin decided the cam room was too expensive to maintain and it wasn't doing much for the site, so he took it down. Around eight of the English-speaking members and all of the site's Hindi speakers were massively disappointed.
The Forums
If you thought you'd seen easily butthurt people, think again. The people on RJ get more butthurt than a crowd of black chicks when you smash a watermelon on the ground. Anything and everything is seen as offensive by the hyper-vigilant, hyper-PC forum dwellers, many of whom spend hours a day on RJ, amassing over 9000 posts whining about all sorts of bullshit. Since everyone on the forums has a victim complex nearly the size of their ego, one can imagine how easy it is for one offended fairy to turn into a fluttering, screeching swarm. Beware!
Common topics which send forumgoers into a rage:
- Religion (specifically, Christianity and the states of Texas and Oklahoma)
- Conservatives, because you CAN'T be gay and conservative. Nope. Not at all. Isn't that right, Larry Craig?
- Guys who say they don't respect gay culture or the gay scene.
- Guys who insult someone's "gender identity" or say something along the lines of "if you have a dick, you ain't a chick."
- Guys who insult monogamous relationships, since at least half the people on RJ are desperate and clingy.
However, despite their hatred of masculinity (likely from hatred of their tiny cocks), they try to go along with threads about stereotypically macho things such as not shaving and MMA fighting. However, they only do this because they think it'll make them look more masculine (and thus hot listable) in the eyes of their fellow fairies.
Posting any sort of music in the threads, specifically annoying ass shit always manages to piss someone off. If you want to troll, post shitty music and say you're a Republican. The entire site will be up in arms against you... after they're done crying that a fellow gay man doesn't understand and accept them as the beautiful and unique little flowers they all are.
A typical RJ forum post
Actually I was once approached by a guy to use the sauna with him when I was 18, and then he invited me into the gang shower. Kinda funny how it happened, my first sorta-gay experience.
For physical therapy following a motorcycle accident, my doctor had arranged for me to do swimming at a nearby college pool. I wasn't a student there, but he was one of their sports team physicians, and got permission for me.
So I phoned them and picked a time that was good for me. I showed up, showered, put on my swimsuit, and as soon as I walked out onto the pool deck I heard voices yelling at me to take my suit off! I froze in place, confused and unable to see who was shouting at me, because my eyeglasses were back in a locker. Everyone was in the water, and the lifeguard seemed to be wearing a red suit on his platform, so I didn't know what was going on, and I fled back inside.
Moments later a dripping wet, totally naked college student was at my locker, explaining that this was the men's swim time and was conducted in the nude. Well, I'd done that as a kid at the Y years earlier, and at summer camp, and therefore could believe it still went on in 1967. But since maturing I'd developed a problem with going stiff when around other naked guys, like in the HS showers. So nude swimming was no longer for me.
But this guy was insistent I return, plus I knew my doctor would get mad, and tell my parents if I didn't follow his advice. Not sure I could make another open swim time work for me, I decided to risk it. I reentered with a towel held as nonchalantly as I could in front of my junk, dropped it onto a bench at the last possible second, and almost ran to the pool as I felt myself plumping.
I swam furious laps trying to lose it, finally hanging from the scupper exhausted. That student I'd met earlier swam up next to me, then suddenly bobbed under water, surfaced in a flash and casually told me it was OK, I'd lost my boner. I was speechless.
He explained he'd seen me getting hard on the pool deck, and saw it underwater, but not to worry too much, it happens to lots of guys, especially until they get used to nude swimming. I didn't like this kind of intimate discussion, especially since I felt myself boning up again, so off I went for more laps.
I quit when I became chilled, and went to get dressed. But my "buddy" appeared naked at my locker once again, and said I looked cold. I admitted I was, and he suggested using the sauna, what he always did after a swim. I said I wasn't familiar with it, so he offered to show me the routine and took me there. I felt a little more comfortable now with a towel wrap.
But once inside on a wooden bench he advised me to unwrap my towel and spread it out to get the best benefits of the heat, as he did. Here we go again, I thought, and sure enough, there "it" went again, too, right in front of him.
But far from being scandalized about it, as I was, he talked about it quite casually, which only made it grow bigger. This is where my memory fades a bit, I think because my mind was racing so fast, as well as my heart, as SILVERFOX described. I recall him telling me to relax, it was nothing to be ashamed of, just a result of tension due to my shyness, and he kept telling me how nice my dick looked, I should be proud of its size. And I was parallyzed by fear, confusion, and an overpowering feeling of wicked desire, that I liked what was happening.
At some point his hand was on my thigh, and eventually gently caressing my dick and cupping my balls. Just as he began a more sincere stroking we heard footsteps approaching, and quickly threw our towels across our laps, since he was now fully erect, too.
As the other guy settled in (and, I noted to myself, kept his towel wrapped around himself) my companion announced he'd had enough heat, and was heading to the showers. I lingered for another minute so as not to be seen following him. When I did step outside he was waiting just a few feet away, and quickly herded me in a direction away from the showers I had already used. He knew about some semi-private team showers, that he said would be safer to use at this hour.
It was there under the spray that he concluded what he had started, adding his mouth to my education. But he finished me with his fist, and my knees literally buckled, that he had to support me in his arms.
I then tried to masturbate him but wasn't too good at it, yet neither did I think I could suck him, a little too much for me at this point. So he told me he'd like it better if I kept my hands soaped up and slid them more (he was cut), and he finally shot, my first.
I'm not sure how much that qualified as gay sex, and I never saw him again, nor did I have any gay sex with another man for 28 more years after that.
Another
when i was in college, i walked in on my coach and star running back. coach was a mean fuck with a body by jake. he also had a huge dick about 10 inches as my friend was on his knees sucking that huge dick. he could only get a few inches cause it was so thick, but he seemed to enjoy it.moaning as he sucked, gagged, his ass poked out wanting to fuck. coach was moaning like a lion, as this hot jock sucked his dick. then my friend looked up at coach asking him to fuck his ass. i was shocked! i was amazed that he could take that black dick in his pink hole to the limits. stretched to the max coach fucks him nice and slow as they are both growling my frined wanting it deeper. soon coach flipped him over and started balls deep in his hot lil hole. soon coach grunts pulls out and shoot load after load on the kids body. they lay there catching thier breath as the kid starts sucking coahes hard dick again. i get out cause i dont want to be caught watching, but man was that hot!!
Racism on RealJock
Though many may not be aware, RealJock has a lively and welcoming racist community with members of all races (see exhibit I.) Even when a thread isn't racist, due to the frequency that black people get called monkeys on RJ, someone flips shit and starts a flame war, almost always exhibit C or I. Below is a showcase of the racism often seen in the forums.
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FUCK WHITEY DEY OPRES DA GOO AZN PEOPRE -
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Sometimes exhibit I will attack its fellow exhibit I's.
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Edward24, formerly known as KingNigga, is a particularly combative exhibit I known for causing trouble. -
Black people are a favored target of racists. -
The troll known as lifefit1 (aka saranti) failing and being old. -
White people love a lot of things, but are you really gonna play golf and eat potato salad? -
He's just mad cuz he lives in Detroit. -
Muslims aren't welcome in the chat room. -
Edward causing even moar trouble. -
Trolling
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STOP RIGHT THERE, FAGGOT! ED does NOT need a huge list of absolute nobodies, nor does it give a shit about your petty forum feud with that bitch who doesn't agree with your Zutara OTP. Rather than spreading your butthurt vendetta over to this site, how about you read ED:101 and ED:A User's Guide to Article Building. And while you're at it, how about contributing to some actual drama you fucking idiot? |
As with any forum, trolling is quite common on RJ, which has a rather large assortment of trolls. Most people who end up trolling are pretty much newfags who stumbled onto OhInternet one day and thought they were anonymous. However, a few go above and beyond posting old memes and inane flames.
BELLO
BELLO's original form was that of a semi-attractive guido. The pictures were lifted from someone's Facebook, and the body pictures he used were clearly of different people. BELLO started flame war after flame war in large neon font, much to the amusement of the site. The person pretending to be BELLO was also active at the time under his own identity, except he also epic-failed as much as his sock account did in that the body pictures he stole were also all of different people, and noticeably so - innie vs. outie, twink vs. bodybuilder, anyone with eyes could tell the pics were not real, it was that disastrous of a fail. BELLO is known to make sock accounts regularly and get called out on each one, as he has difficulty forming a sentence longer than "JAJAJA UR GONNA MAKE ME PEE ROFL." Status: Banned.
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BELLO making fun of Ke$ha. -
BELLO firing off one of his sock accounts after it got exposed.
Southbeach and the Conservaposse
The conservaposse is group of older men with Republican views that constantly engage in futile attempts to argue with the rabid hordes of bloodthirsty liberals in the politics forum. Their arguments (flame wars) basically devolve into NO U within a few posts. That's when the conservaposse busts out their secret weapons: sockpuppets! While they deny their involvement in trolling, conservaposse members are often in command of multiple sock accounts simultaneously in an attempt to manipulate the site's apolitical members into hating the left. The rest of the site has clicked the "Ignore His Posts" button under each conservaposse member's name, however, and no one sees these attempts at subversion.
Southbeach is a typical conservative exhibit H and noted member of the conservaposse, however, it is widely believed he is a troll due to his propensity to spam numerous threads lambasting the Obama "regime" and attacking the equally virulent left. In a given day, he will make a handful of threads, often in rapid-fire succession, and continue to disrupt other debates with his name-calling buffoonery. Status: Active.
Metta8
It has not been determined whether the member Metta8 is a human being or an RSS feed. He has taken over the "Gay News and Events" forum with his hundreds of topics, which only contain a copy-pasted link to some kind of "article" from an fringe, ultra-left-leaning website along with the headline of the "article." Metta8 never posts his own opinions, hence the suspicion that he isn't an actual person, but some kind of automated system. From time to time, other members express their irritation that whenever they try to post a topic for discussion in the "Gay News and Events" forum, their topic is quickly shoved down to the bottom of the list due to Metta8's incessant flooding of the forum with drive-by copy-paste jobs.
On very rare occasions, Metta8 has been known to post an emoticon. Status: Active.
Art_Deco
Self proclaimed "Gay A+ Lister" and "Gay Mover and Shaker"
Mr. Deco is the "Hyacinth Bucket" of the site. His posts frequently are just excuses for him to boast of his charitable activities or frivolous spending. All to give the appearance of a true upper-crust member of the Wilton Manors gay elite. Having been straight most of his life, married with children, Mr. Deco suddenly decided one day that he was gay and is making up for lost time, posting of his preferences for gay eyeglass stores, gay banks, gay grocery stores and gay clothing optional resorts. A retired military officer, Mr. Deco frequently mentions his distinguished military career, having attained the rank of "Colonel" (though reports state his highest rank attained was that of "Lieutenant Colonel" so there is some question of his basic honesty. Given this question, one must wonder if his charitable and other accomplishments are similarly "embellished." Of all his talents, Mr Deco's best is taking an apparently innocent topic about Pizza or Shaving and turning it into a bitchfest. If there's drama on the site, chances are Mr. Deco is right in the middle of it.
AC2394
BAWWWWW personified. AC2394 makes multiple copies of every one of his threads, all asking the same questions day in and day out: "Do you believe love comes when you least expect it?" "Should I stop looking for love?" "I've been single for 4 years, is something wrong with me?" The list goes on. He also fishes for compliments in all the "do you think the guy above you is hot?" cancer threads. Everyone except the most pussy exhibit C has told him to grow a pair and get a life, however, the emo runs deep in his black blood, pouring from his wounded, unloved heart.
Stuart / The Reaper
Stuart is a middle-aged, HIV+ former(?) drug addict with a severe case of almost every mental disorder in the DSM-IV. Stuart was best known for making incredibly TL;DR threads about nothing, ranting and raving in CAPS LOCK about life and his view of the afterlife, and like a true schizophrenic, talking to himself in his threads if no one replied (which was usually the case.) He would often behave like the aforementioned AC2394 and make multiple copies of his threads, in the hope someone would pay attention to him. Stuart got IP-banned time and again, but used proxies to return. Stuart then disappeared when he realized no one liked him. Some argue he may have been committed during this time. He tried to commit suicide 9/20/2011 by drinking a gallon of alcohol, but having been a lifelong alcoholic, he only got buzzed and continued his disturbed raving about his "brothers." He came back from a trip to the asylum in May 2012 on new meds, but still only somewhat coherent. Status: B&.
After a couple months of silence, a new troll widely believed to be Stuart emerged. It began by spamming threads and inboxes with poorly-made YouTube videos of intestines and animals dying that were supposed to be creepy. It followed up its initial attacks by hacking an active member's account and flooding the forums about the day of judgment again. The reaper earned its name by talking about the "harvest moon" and the "reaping hour." Due to the apocalypse talk and Stuart's near-obsession with the end of the world, it wasn't hard for RJers to connect the dots and pin the reaper on Stuart. However, Stuart has since come forward and said it was not him, but rather a stalker from the other forum he trolled (surfermag) and got banned from. Reaper videos have been posted over on surfermag as well, which is a complete coincidence even though those are the only sites Stuart posts on. In 2013, the reaper has since harassed members on RJ with various sock accounts, telling them to post stuff that would bring him (in his human/Stuart form) attention or they would be reaped. Perhaps the most notable thing the reaper ever did was skiddie into various members' private (cock) photos and post them in threads before being greeted by the banhammer yet again. Status: B&.
Lifefit1
Take exhibit C and introduce it to trolling. Lifefit1 is the resulting monstrosity. Lifefit1 is a racist anti-Semite who hangs out in the NSFW cam room and harasses all the black people in there. His "trolling" mainly consists of internet tough guy behavior and the occasional death threat. He's got arthritis from being old. Lifefit1 is also known to periodically hit on younger camwhores to troll them. Status: LOL the chat is gone and so is this bitch.
Dontknowwhy
A Canadian Muslim who taunts and provokes members into getting nasty at him, using gifs and memes instead of the typical Muslim bombs and hand-slicing. Dontknowwhy's sock account creation rate rivals that of the Reaper, considering he gets banned at a similar rate. A typical nerd, he has braces and lives in his parents' basement. Dontknowwhy's trolling pinpoints members' perceived sensitivities and constantly goes after them, including posting images ridiculing older HIV+ members as being "haggard." He also follows members around in the forums asking them why they don't love him, while simultaneously assigning them demeaning nicknames. Status: B&.
Memes
RealJoke forums have managed to create a couple memes endemic to the site, neither of which is funny in the least.
You Cruise, You Lose
YouCruiseYouLose.jpg, or #YCYL, RJ's border-line (yet still wholly lame) meme, is frequently spammed by exhibit A member Incendiary, highlighting the hazards of getting laid out of bitterness since he is forever alone. The reason it is a border-line meme is due to the fact that Incendiary spams it ad nauseam (causing it to inevitably catch on to an extent), and this constitutes to over 9000 of his posts and 90% of the total amount of posts on RJ.
The image is posted in threads regarding gym cruising, which, to rabid Republican Incendiary, is an unforgivable sin. Most people ignore the image and continue their daily herp(es) transmission in the gym sauna after their workouts.
Liberal Hens
Whenever a left-leaning person posts, Southbeach1500 immediately rears his head in attack, calling the person one of RJ's "liberal hens." Speaking of cocks, southbeach1500 is "restoring" his foreskin, resulting in it looking disfigured and kinda infected.
Misc Gayllery
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Just another day on the RJ forums... -
King Kong's small dick. Disgusting. -
Exhibit F, butthurt another gay guy isn't a Lady Gaga fan.
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An upstanding member of the RJ community discusses his professional life. -
David3000's average sized dick. -
Exhibit A isn't at all shallow about whom it deems worthy of association. -
Exhibit C, being old. -
This is why you should never look at anyone's adult photos. *Eyebleach* -
Trolled. -
RJ is a bit of a pedophile magnet, with even some of the site's active exhibit C members being suspected of pedophilia.
Links
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RealJock is part of a series on GAY PORN! [Fap fap fap] |
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RealJock is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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RealJock is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
