Portal:Anonymous/Featured Article/Archive
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May 2024
Wikileaks is a website that poses as a free for all wiki site to allow anonymous people of all countries to release classified government and corporate documents for the lulz, thus giving any snitch in any position of power in any country the incentive to disobey top-secret orders and betray his country for profit. It's run by Barack Obama's evil albino twin Julian Assange, whose own white messianic rise to power mirrors that of Black Jesus. Its inevitable that they will have to face each other in a fight to the death in the near future.
Some say it a good site to troll governments and other organizations and the man is constantly trying to censor it. The quality of trolling by Wikileaks has been so high, that there is no government or corporation on this earth that does not want Assange dead.
November 2023
V for Vendetta is a movie based on a graphic novel by Margaret Thatcher fanboi Alan Moore about true future events when Anonymous reclaims democracy from the grasp of totalitarianism. Anonymous Englishman V - who styles himself after the original EFG, Guy Fawkes - blows up the home of the English government, the Houses of Parliament, partly as a symbolic act, but mainly for teh lulz (which the English celebrate every November 5th by setting fire to an effigy of a catholic, again for teh lulz). Unlike Guy Fawkes, V actually succeeds in blowing shit up, to the tune of his favorite piece of classical music, the 1812 Overture. In the course of his lulzmongering, V meets a love interest named Eevee, played by Natalie Portman, who he recruits to his cause. Unlike the comic the movie was based on, the plot is driven by blatant bawwwwing about neocons and the loss of civil liberties under W's epic troll the Patriot Act. The anarchism and emphasis on remaining anonymous makes /b/tards love this movie with every part of their body, although the movie itself is "The Boondock Saints" of politics and the comic is way better but noone fucking reads it. What's the matter? Too DEEP for you? Also, do said /b/tards even try to blow things up? Of course they do, except when they mess with football.
November 2022
At least 100 years ago, people did not have or know the concept of free speech and were only allowed to speak in 5-word sentences. Then they discovered how much fun it was to cry "Fire!" in a crowded room and watch normies stampede to the exit. Death and lulz ensued, and freedom of speech was born.
Freedom of speech is a legal concept, civil liberty and a recognised human right that gives one the ability to speak whatever they want, whenever they want, to whoever they want without fear of state censorship or legal repercussions. Many countries have constitutions that protect free expression, but none do it better than the OGs that thought of it first.. England with the Magna Carta. Americunts did it later, but admittedly did a better job of it after they rebelled against the britfags after the War of Independence. Lesser trolls use it merely a means to an end in mundane flame wars to act like a douche while claiming to be safeguarding "basic civic liberties". Others like Count Dankula take their trolling to another lulzy level entirely by becoming martyrs for their loud shitposting, pissing off normalfags, celebrities and the established powers that be.
Countries like China or Best Korea do not recognize freedom of speech as a right, let alone a human right. So may our right to shitpost loudly never be infringed upon. It's more fun this way.
May 2022
While the Russo-Ukrainian conflict drags on with thousands being shot, maimed, burnt and torn to shreds by missiles and drones, the estrogenic soyboys in the west are in the comfort of their homes rewatching their favorite marvel movie for the millionth time while munching on Takis and downing it with soylent. But then, some of them thought it would be an epic and wholesome idea to haul their asses to a country they've never heard of before to push the evil Nazi dictator Hitler Putin and his Army of Darkness back. For fighting for justice and protecting the innocent is a hero's job! JUST LIKE MY MARVEL MOVIEZ SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Dilating to the thought of living their fantasy of being the heroes of a realistic version of their favorite movie adaptation of a young adults novel, the trannies of reddit launched a new subreddit recruiting 'tards from all over the privileged West to aid in the war effort. After all, can you imagine the sweet, sweet dopamine-rush one would get from all the positive karma and Reddit gold you're going to farm? Who in the hecking world can resist?! For those that aren't brave enough to risk their lives for clout however, they have the typical slacktivist routes to exploit; any contribution no matter how small is meaningful. Spetznaz troops would be really demoralized when see they're up against the combined forces of Harry Potter, Spider-Man, Pikachu, Gandalf and Marvel Avengers.
Thanks Ukraine - you can keep them, we don't want them back.
April 2020
The Lizard Squad is a group of young skids that still live with their parents and will most likely die alone in Guantanamo due to AIDS and arrests. They got fame for ruining gayming servers during the second period of 2014, for tweeting a false terrorist act on a plane and especially for shutting down PSN and Xbox Live gaming networks on Christmas. Later on however, they got V& - press F to pay respects fam.
February 2017
Wikileaks is a website that poses as a free for all wiki site to allow anonymous people of all countries to release classified government and corporate documents for the lulz, thus giving any snitch in any position of power in any country the incentive to disobey top-secret orders and betray his country for profit. It's run by Barack Obama's evil albino twin Julian Assange, whose own white messianic rise to power mirrors that of Black Jesus. Its inevitable that they will have to face each other in a fight to the death in the near future.
Some say it a good site to troll governments and other organizations and the man is constantly trying to censor it. The quality of trolling by Wikileaks has been so high, that there is no government or corporation on this earth that does not want Assange dead.
July 2014
Ever since a of bunch of testosterone seething football niggers in Steubenville, OH decided to rape the shit out of some drunk-ass party girl, KYAnonymous (aka Deric Lostutter) has fame-fagged his way into the limelight doing interviews with anyone who will listen to his stupid fucking story about how he has single-handedly brought attention to a 16 year-old rape enthusiast. For whatever fucking reason, this "OP" was nicknamed #OpRollRedRoll. We think #OpRaepAllTheBitches or even #OpSteubenville would've been a better choice, but logic doesn't exist inside the "idea" that is Anonymous. It is also a known fact that KY quietly sidestepped into the Steubenville drama after being punked by nachash and got scared into winding #OpAntibully down.
January 2014
Ryan "DDoS King" Cleary is the 19 year old leader of Anonymous and master hacker who was apprehended by police after attacking government websites, despite the fact that his DOX were plastered across the internet. He began his journey into the secretive criminal underground by construing a botnet with a group of hillbillies and proceeding to DDoS 4chan, 7chan, 420chan, and Encyclopedia Dramatica.
July 2013
Take Hunter S. Thompson and th3j35t3r, ev0, mix the three, and strip the result of the dignity, inability to give a fuck, and all other redeeming qualities; add the internet and lack of a real job. Welcome to the world of Anonymous, a strung out mediocre reporter, and self-proclaimed spokesfaggot for the "Anonymous hacktivist collective" who, despite ongoing attempts, is not a household name. A former author (read, "I wrote two articles, does that mean I work here?") for the "American Atheist", Barrett is no more than, in layman's terms, a self-righteous, opinionated, attention-seeking, cunt. Eventually concluding that big brother and godhatesfags were not enough to shove his agenda towards, Barrett decided to take on drug cartels who have guns and power, with his computer and the effectiveness of a strongly-worded blog.
June 2013
#OpRollRedRoll is an ongoing Anonymous crusade against the town of Steubenville, Ohio which is accused of slut shaming and covering up a rape. Last August, 2012, some Ohio high school football players allegedly raped some drunk slut, just like any typical Thursday in Ohio. For some reason, this shocked everybody, as when it comes to behavior when attending parties, football players are usually such paragons of temperance and virtue.
The young lads involved in the rape of the girl in question were all members of the Big Red Football team, but amongst themselves they were also charmingly known as 'The Rape Crew' - an astoundingly clever appellation that could in no way be used in a court of law to prove intent.
