Newgrounds/theflashportal/trolls

Trolls

The Teddy Review Spam War

Recently, a group of retards and fags emigrated from JewTube and began to spam the Newgrounds Flash review boards with the same tired copypasta review, over and over again:

	“	Hi, I am Teddy. Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, I am Teddy. I am 7 years old. I have no eyes and blood all over my face. I am dead. If you don't send this to at least 12 people I will come to your house at midnight and I'll hide under your bed. When you're asleep, I'll kill you. Don't believe me?	„

It goes on for over 9000 paragraphs of spam before ending. These reviews should have been deleted, but Tom Fulp, being the Jew faggot wanna-be-black person he is, has not deleted any of these reviews(save for mine) and actually disabled his mods from doing shit about it until a few months after it started. Because of this, a bunch of fag users began freaking out about it, causing mass chaos on the portal and leading to Bigbadron killing a negro. As a result of seeing all this go down, ED is now asking you all to add to the super lulz by spamming the entire Teddy review (found at the flash links below) a couple billion times to piss off the meatspin lovers on Jewgrounds.

Look for the full "Teddy" review to copy and paste in your own malicious reviews of EVERY SINGLE FLASH in Jewgrounds history to piss the off the virgins who have nothing else to do but read through Flash reviews on Jewgrounds all day.

• The Full Teddy Review Text [-+]

Hi, I am Teddy. Once you read this you cannot get out. Finish reading this until it is done! As I said, I am Teddy. I am 7 years old. I have no eyes and blood all over my face. I am dead. If you don't send this to at least 12 people I will come to your house at midnight and I'll hide under your bed. When you're asleep, I'll kill you. Don't believe me?

• Case 1:

Patty Buckles Got this e-mail. She doesn't believe in chain letters. Well, Foolish Patty. She was sleeping when her TV started flickering on and off. Now she's not with us anymore. Ha ha patty, Ha ha! You don't want to be like Patty, do you?

• Case 2:

George M. Simon Hates chain mail, but he didn't want to die that night. He sent it to 4 people. Not good enough George. Now, George is in a coma, we don't know if he'll ever wake up. Ha ha George, Ha ha! Now, do you want to be like George?

• Case 3:

Valarie Tyler She got this letter. Another chain letter she thought. Only had 7 people to send to. Well, That night when she was having a shower she saw bloody Mary in the mirror. It was the BIGGEST fright of her life. Valarie is scarred for life.

• Case 4:

Derek Minse This is the final case I'll tell you about. Well, Derek was a smart person. He sent it to 12 people. Later that day, he found a $100.00 bill on the ground. He was premoted to head officer at his job and his girlfriend said yes to his purposal. Now, Katie and him are living happily ever after.The have 2 beautiful children.

Send this to at least 12 people or you'll face the consequences.

0 people- You will die tonight

1-6 people- you will be injured

7-11 people- you will get the biggest fright of your life

12 and over- you are safe and will have good fortune!

Do What Teddy Says!!!! Hurry, you must send to 12 people before midnight

tonight

In fact, now that its full text is available here on ED, you have no excuses not to waste several fruitless hours of your life relentlessly posting the review into every single Jewgrounds submission, evar. Get to work, faggot.

Other Trolls

In addition to Teddy, "Sarah" spam reviews have also begun to clog up the Jewgrounds Servers, as well as many other long, and unintelligible chain letters from people who actually believe the stupid shit that's been written in the letters.

• The Full Sarah Review Text [-+]

SCARY WAY TO BREAK UP!!!!! DO NOT stop reading this or something bad will happen!!!!!!!! One day, Sarah was walking home from school when her boyfriend drove by and honked at her to get in. She got in his car and he drove her to the lake. Her boyfriend said he was going to tell her something very important. Sarah could have sworn he was going to propose. However, he flicked her off, pushed her in the lake and yelled, "I am breaking up with you, you awful ........!! I hate you and I think that maybe you should just end your .............. life! DUMB ............ ........!!!" He laughed and drove off. It was a very cold day. Sarah climbed out of the lake, freezing cold, and feeling the worst she had in her entire life. She got home went in a hot bath, and slit her wrists and died in the bathtub. Her parents yelled and screamed at her to get out until they finally broke the door down. They saw no body, but the entire bathroom was dripping with her blood. Her mom went insane and killed herself three days later, her dad is in prison, accused of murder. Later that week, Sarah's exboyfriend was taking a shower when she came from the drain, rotting and bloody, with a razor in her hand and said "Goodbye Jason." She cut his throat before he could scream. If you do not repost this, you are a heartless ..............and Sarah come to you in the shower from the drain, and will kill you the same way she killed her boyfriend. 24 ppl have failed to send and died Repost this to over 15 games You have 13 minutes close.

The following links will take you directly to an endless series of spam messages, which can with little to no effort be copypasta'd many times, thereby perpetuating the shittiness.

1. Jewgrounds Rumble reviews: The real rumble is in the spam, lol.

2. Dad's Home reviews: Ironically the dad is a pedophile also.

3. 8-Bit D-n-D: Pissing off those fag RPG fans will really be worth it

Of course, the ease with which Jewgrounds users, as evidenced in the Spam reviews abov, and the Forum example below, are able to be trolled should have been an indicator that the Teddy reviews would become a ubiquitous and successful trolling attempt — Jewgrounders are so head-slappingly gullible that even the most blatant of trolls will fool a good percentage of users.

• The Epic Fatty Troll and its Aftermath [-+]

This trolling attempt was exposed in the first few pages, but it continued for another seven before anybody realized it wasn't truth

A wise old man once said while lying on his deathbed, in the process of filling up his Depends to the point of leakage, "Stupid begets stupid." If ever there were a statement more perfectly descriptive of the Jewgrounds Flash Portal environment, it should be considered a personal challenge to discover it, copyright it and then sell it to Jewgrounds's webmaster to use as the site's slogan, for massive profit.

The current slogan of the site, while generic and and reeking of corporate decision-making, is hardly a universal or even a half-truth about the site, because "Everything" would seem to imply that alongside the endless stick figure brawls, video game parodies and Alliterative Flash group efforts, there might actually be something of quality.

In reality, there is not, and in all likelihood, there never will be. [NOW YOU ARE ENLIGHTENEDThis is why the old, pre-redesign slogan seems so much more truthful to the Jewgroundian character]

Current, post-"redesign" slogan: EVERYTHING, BY EVERYONE

Old, pre-"redesign" slogan: THE PROBLEMS OF THE FUTURE, TODAY!