Lanaia Lee

This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Lanaia Lee in the process of having her anus filled with piss while taking a break from fingering her dog's ass.

The Internet is a deep pool of stupidity. Meet one of its bottom-dwellers, Mary Kellis, aka Lanaia Lee:

Lanaia Lee is a 46-year-old stroke survivor that suffered a stroke at 35 due to high blood pressure. Her disease is called erratic hypertension. Ever since the stroke Lanaia has been in a wheelchair but she hasnt let that stop her one bit! In Lanaia own words "I still rock and roll, and I mean literally roll!" Lanaia has also lost six children due to her problem with blood pressure, leaving her with no living children, except for her 3 year old Jack Russell Terrier.

Holy crap! It's like Tawneelynne but without any of the scary naked pictures.

Oh look, a plagiarist

She's been annoying the hell out of everyone with a book she's written, first in a five-part series called Of Atlantis, shopping an excerpt around to reviewers. Turns out the bit she's been showing off as her pride and joy was an almost word-for-word copy of a 1993 work by David Gemmel, titled Dark Prince.

Text from the Prologue of “Of Atlantis”

By Lanaia Lee

From Conception to Devastation

The golden-haired child sat alone, as he usually did, and wondered whether his Father would die today. Some distance away, across the royal gardens , his nurse was talking to the two sentries who guarded him during the hours of daylight. The soldiers, grim eyed warriors, did not look at him and shifted nervously as he approached.

Archimedes was used to this reaction. Even at four he understood it.

He remembered with sadness the day three weeks ago when his Father, garbed for war, had walked along this same garden path, his cuirass gleaming in the sunlight. It was so beautiful that Alexander had reached out to touch the gleaming plates of iron, edged with gold, six golden lions on the breast. But as his hand came forward his Father moved swiftly back.

“Don’t touch me boy!” he snapped.

“I would not hurt you, Father,” whispered the prince, staring up at the black-bearded face, with its blind right eye like a huge opal beneath the savagely scarred brow.

“I came to say goodbye,” muttered Lionus, “and to tell you to be good. Learn your lessons well.”

“Will you win?” the child asked.

“Win or die, boy, “ answered the King, kneeling to face his son. He appeared to relax, though his expression remained stern. “There are those that think I cannot win. They remember Onomarchus defeated me when we last met.

And the text from Gemmell's Dark Prince:

Note that the copy was so sloppy that not all the names were properly searched and replaced.

Caught!

After first swearing up and down that she'd written every word, Lee then changed her story to say she'd been ripped off by a ghostwriter. A well-known ghostwriter and scam artist, and even though the explanation reeks of bullshit, others say they have reams of data that back up this claim.

Just when everyone is set to feel sorry for Mary/Lanaia and spew righteous outrage at a notorious scammer for taking advantage of a naive, wheelchair-bound woman (she'll never let you forget she's in one, it's her favorite excuse for acting like a moron), she blasts through a high-traffic forum, agent in tow, disclaiming any responsibility for what happened, making nasty legal threats (and even a promise of retaliatory witchcraft).

As the pilfered excerpt remained posted at her own site for the better part of a week, Lanaia kept herself busy posting woe-is-me messages to her Yahoo fan club accusing people of lying about what happened, apparently forgetting she was the one who wrote those "lies" just a few hours previous.

Belatedly, the plagiarized text was removed from her site, replaced with a work that was a rewrite of that copy. Lee has since replaced that copy with what she claims as the original prologue, in syntax described by one commenter as "being sodomized with a life-sized velociraptor dildo."

What took her so long to get rid of that first excerpt? She's been busy sending dozens of threatening emails daily to Jane Litte at Dear Author, who discovered what had happened and presented it to the world for examination.

This is the best part. Seriously.

Oh, and did we mention that all of this drama was over a manuscript to be published at a vanity press? Lanaia Lee hired a ghostwriter to work on a novel that she was going to pay to have published and that no one would ever buy.

Yeah.

Lanaia can haz victory?

Lee was crowing about an interview with her local paper, the Greensboro News-Record, telling everyone it would vindicate her, causing rays of sunshine to shoot out of her ass and vaporize everyone she thought had attacked her. Oh, and she also mixed in an extortion attempt; threatening to badmouth Litte unless she received a public apology.

If lines like Now that the plagiarism has come to light, (Lee) maintains she shouldn't held accountable are any indication, the story didn't quite work out the way she hoped. Indeed, it seems to have finally occurred to her that the last person she should run to for sympathy about ghostwriters and plagiarism is another writer. She hasn't trumpeted the press clipping on her website or sad little Yahoo Group, and a weary world breathes a sigh of relief now that she's finally shut the fuck up.

Bonus stupid

She's also entangled with another vanity press in Portugal. She was warned about the sleaze of this outfit a month ago. Naturally, she pops up today on the vanity's site to introduce herself. To quote a poster at Absolute Writers, "She's definitely a volunteer, not a victim."

FUCK YU I HAS A PUBLICIZT

On March 23, 2008, Lanaia Lee came to ED for help. Unfortunately, being the retard she is, she posted her comment (displayed below) to the ED article Article.

	“	I am Lanaia Lee. I am in the encyclopedia, wrongfully accused of something I did not do! My publicist and I are getting ready to go to the media with documented proof of me being guiltless. I nicely ask you to correct what you so unjustly accuse me of, like the picture of my husband and I having anal sex. This is so sick and degrading. I want it removed immediately. Now that was un called for. For your own sake retrefy this mess. My explanation follows: I hired Christopher Hill as a ghost writer because I'm an American, he is Sottish, I needed help with the Old King's English, so I thought he would be perfect. Yes I paid him until I found out on my own what he was doing. I never heard of David Gemmel or Dark prince until October. I rewrote the prologue, as it had to coinside with the rest of the book. I do have a famous publicist, and I can't release the name until they are ready. There are five volumes to Of Atlantis, and it has nothing to do with Alexander the Great. When, I'M ready those that accused me will eat crow. Remember Gemmell was a British author, me being American, I guess Christopher Hill figured I never would find out about the plagerized material, but I did. Yes I was out the money, but I am a new author it's like learn as you go!	„
	—Lanaia Lee

Apparently spelling and grammar are unnecessary tools of a successful writer.

	“	I'm just a struggling author and encyclopedia dramatica has a BAD reputation. I don't seek any kind of legal action because I refuse to lower myself to their standards , i you have anymore durragatory rmarks for me, you can send them to my secretary, let me know I'll send you her e-mail address.	„
	— Lanaia Lee

Lanaia Lee's Autobiogprahy

	“	Lanaia Lee, despite all the tradegy, fate handed her, has risen above this to become a published poet and novalist. Suffering a stroke at thirty-five, she survived. She has a disease, mostly known as the silent killer, it is called erratic hypertension. Because of this, she never could have any children, she couldn't carry them to term. She lost six children, her mom died when she was eight, leaving Lanaia to be raised by her maternal grandmother, who was a self professed black witch. Quoting Lanaia," The things I have experienced and seen most people wouldn't believe, but I 'm here to tell you they are true. With no children, Lanaia adopted a small Jack Russell terrier that is always by her side. He fills an immense whole in Lanaia's heart, he is her baby. Lania has been married three times, but the saying that three is a charm, holds true, because her marriage to her third husband, David, for thirteen years, she claims he is her third and last. After her stroke Lanaia discovered she had literary talent, given by God. Lanaia never studied in school for the talent she discovered. It has to be devine intervention. One which she takes very seriously. Confined to a wheelchair from her stroke, she can stand and walk with the aid of a walker. By certain people, they have accused her of not being in a wheelchair If one knows anything knows anything about Franklin Deleanor Roosevelt, he too was in a wheelchair, but most picture he took were without the chair, because certain people felt, this presented him as weak. Lanaia feels the same in way. She wants no pity, so a lot of pictures don't show her wheelchair. Her husband, also wheelchair bound, the two of them live totally independently and Lanaia still drives. Lanaia has always tried to make the best of a bad situation. With all her losses and her faith in God, she has emerged a very strong women. Quoting Lanaia," The wheelchair just slows me down, just a thorn in my side, it makes me literally rock and roll. She doesn't think twice about her wheelchair now Through her determination and strength it is her wish to one day be a best selling author. A lots of people need to learn from this lady, now fifty, she still has that strength to face anything head on and with the help of God, she is proud and always hold her head up.	„
	— Lanaia Lee

Sample of poetic talent given by God

And They Ride

Hear the hooves of the horsemen on their horrific ride

Death, famine, plague, destruction, they are so close! Can't you hear them ride?
Famine, just look around, so many have to take starvation as a bride
And we just look on, as the horse's hooves sound like they are right by our side.

Plague, mankind has known for centuries, but today the horses ride even closer

In this day of possible biological warfare, listen, quiet, hear them, so close as they ride
Aids, bubonic plague, hemorrhagic fever, just to name a few, from these things we all wish to deter
From these things, there is no where to run, no where to hide.

The most feared of all death, a black rider on a white horse, but hear him, he just's gets closer

And we do nothing, as he only nears
We are so sure of ourselves, we do nothing it seems to stop these things that occur
Listen and you will hear the rider, that fills us all with immense fear.

Destruction, such a vast field, but this horseman is riding freely, no obstacles in his way

Through the field of earthquake, global warning, hurricanes, and such, this horseman seems to have a free hand
And the horses continue their horrific ride, from their duty, they will never sway
Listen! SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH! Hear their hooves throughout every land.

Armageddon, foretold by every civilization, but it seems in our time, the horseman, they are more free

More free to move about with nothing to stop them, nothing in their way
All we do is watch, then it will be too late as we want to get away, run away, to flee
And they ride, the sound getting louder and louder, with them no on wants to come out and play.

The undistinguishable sound, no matter how hard we try, we will never get away

Were we responsible for inviting the horsemen, make their debut?
They are here, they get closer, each and every day
There is no where to go because the riders always have us within their view.

External Links

• Lanaia's YouTube.

• An Interview With Lanaia