Drexel University
Drexel University is a university-themed residential program for highly autistic adults, and is located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. While it does not confer real degrees, Drexel University offers certificate programs in Animu, Mudkip Studies and Virginity. Theo de Raadt is Drexel University's current president.
Recently, Drexel University opened an unaccredited lawlschool that specializes in Internets lawl.
Types of Students Found at Drexel
- Poor and Reasonably Intelligent. Generally, these students are only went to Drexel because their family could not afford to send them to better engineering school.
- Rich and Retarded. These kids are kicking themselves for not being accepted to a better
"party school"business program"party school." - Indians (International) and other South-East Asians. They man the science.
- Weaboos. Fact: Drexel University is number one in Weaboo recruitment.
- Emos.
Weaboos
Drexel University
Drexel is a Weaboo magnet. 31% of the student population has, at one point, enrolled in JAP101. However, they generally decide not to continue with their Japanese studies, as they spent the balance of their time in JAP101 watching anime fansubs on their Matsushita laptop. For this reason alone, the modern languages department no longer allows laptops in the language lab.
All of Drexel's Weaboos spend every waking hour, including when they should be in class, at the commuter lounge playing the latest import card-based RPG.
The non-Weeaboo population at Drexel secretly hopes that Hezbollah starts its U.S. suicide bombing campaign with the commuter lounge.
Wikipedios
Whereas Drexel University has a 1:3 asspie ratio and a 1:2 Nazi-Fur ratio, at least 100 humorless wikipedos hale from Drexel University.
List of Wikipedios from Drexel University
- ImmortalGoddezz and immortalgoddezz.net.
- TexasDex and texasdex.com and Xangra.
- mbecker
- Nuttah68
- D-Boy
Note: ImmortalGoddezz and TexasDex are furries and an item.
School Sprit
Imagine a jackboot to the face, and then imagine that this thought experiment served as an impotently executed way of explaining the ennui and apathy that emanate from every building, from every study corral and from every class meeting.
Drexel University's administration tries its best to hide the general contemptuousness of its students when it's time to give tours replete with backwards walking douche-bags whom have to point out that there are large blue poles with emergency call boxes on them every 20 meters.
Oh that's right: Drexel University is in a ghetto. Unfortunately, this is not a ghetto in the original meaning of the word; rather, it means you have signed up to pay $30,000 for five years in constant fear that you will be robbed at gun-point by a free-range Negro from Mantua. PROTIP: Don't walk with either an iPod or a Backpack.
To keep bums from the train station from pan-handling inside Drexel University's grounds, most buildings require ID-Card-ausweiss control.
With the advent of Web 2.0, the administration has resorted to having staff professionally AstroTurf internets in order to mitigate the effects of outsiders reading angst-ridden posts from sophomore Computer Engineers that consist of long diatribes about how tDEC sucks.
Nevertheless, any goodwill thus created has been neutralized by the president's insistence on calling students customers.
Anyone who is not bitter has just started their first term at Drexel University.
Drexel University as a Tech School
Drexel University prides itself in marketing itself as both a Mecca and a hub of dynamic e-synerigation paradigm cross-integration abilities for make glorious nation of Greece.
In the pre-internets age, this e-mission statement meant installing a billboard over Market street to inform all who pass that they were entering the cyberzone!!one1!.
In the now and user submitted-social-network networked age, the administration's cyber mission has expanded to all internets; students are subjected to deal with an unholy abortion of web based applications that were never intended to work together coherently in a single portal. Recently, those in charge have addressed the problems of the turd-blender that is DrexelOne by stealing Blogger's color scheme and making that the default color scheme.
Additionally, Drexel University's tech-status means that most classes have mailing lists or have discussion boards. Something lulz-worthy happens daily, whereby either (1) prima does not realize that the whole class/school/college/department is subscribed to a given list or (2) prima posts something that causes disciplinary action.
The Triangle
The Triangle is Drexel University's student-run angst-ridden newspaper/Presseschau/Meinungsseite. The editorial section is run by jackbooted neo-cons that plagiarize material from their own blogs to cobble together thousand-word screeds about how Intelligent Design is more of science than Darwinism. It is speculated that this has all been part of an elaborate and long-running troll. Ironically, the "entertainment" section is run by scenester-emo kids.
Predictably, the edition of The Triangle that comes out closest to April 1 is called The Rectangle and contains Uncyclopedic content. HOLY SHIT!!!!11!OMG!!!: Taki's a robot, 5-year-old to enter Ph.D. program, and Crystal ball decides fate of students!! No way. Oh wait. It's April 2, and it's The Rectangle. You had me this time. To its credit, The Rectangle was funny when Geoff Castle was the EDitor in Chief.
Engineers' Week
The last week in February marks Engineers' Week, when the administration allows the Cowledge of Engineering to fellate itself with its massive brain-penis, and proclaim the eternal gratitude that it is owed by the rest of humanity for building the Segway and the Markov-Chain.
However, if this were true why isn't there a single building on the campus named after an Engineer?
Whatever, it means free alcohol for graduate students.
The rationale for picking February is that in the event there were ever to be a black engineer they could combine Black History Month with Engineers' Week celebrations.
Proximity to The University of Pennsylvania
In spite of everything that students endure, they cannot convince themselves that they are entitled to a sense of accomplishment or even just a sense of getting ahead in the world, as elitist Ivy fuck-wits are around every corner to remind them: it's not what you do or how hard you work---rather, it's your trust-fund and cocaine parties.
Sadly, most students from The University of Pennsylvania only vaguely recognize Drexel University as that thing that they pass on the way to the train station.
Democratic Presidential Debate
On October 30, 2007, Drexel University will host this year's fourth Democratic National Committee sanctioned presidential debate. Although the University is using the event to garner publicity and recognition, it is sure to backfire and take a huge dump on the administration's face. First, the event is sure to produce much lulz as drunken frat boys are filmed fellating themselves in the quad. Also, it is almost guaranteed that a "9/11 was an inside job" conspiracy theorist will interrupt the debate.
On a side note, Drexel University has a limited number of tickets for students (most likely around 5), and those who wish to witness the debate must enter a lottery. Hopefully, when you are not granted one of said tickets, you will realize that 99.68 percent of the seating has already been doled out to Philadelphia fat cats and to all 372 inhabitants of Greece.
Notable Alumni
- Hal Turner ('72, Anti-Zionist Studies and Communications)
See Also
