Eclipse

Loki's Furfag son Fenrir gets ready to eat the sun

On 21 August 2017 a giant Dragon will dwoop down from the heavens above to eat the sun. If you follow the much cooler Norse Mythology version, Fenrir Wolf will eat the sun and quickly shit it out after getting his ass kicked by the Asgardian badass Tyr. Unfortunately, if you're a kowtowing rug jockey your religion won't allow you to go outside and watch this marvel of astronomy with your naked eyes. Most likely, your Mullah will put out an order and demand that everyone come to the mosque, dressed in their best suicide vest and pray from when the eclipse starts until the giant monster above becomes frightened by your prayers and spits the sun out of his mouth, failing to eat it. I wish I wasn't joking.

Why This Eclipse Is So Important

The end is near. If you have a gun shoot at tge sky to orotect yourself

If you're a muslim and were to look outseide your mosque, this is what you'd see. Don't believe us? Observe the eclipse for 5 or 6 minutes with your unprotected eyes and you'll see were not lying.

This is the first eclipse to occur over the Continental United States in 99 years. What this means is that Scientists wont have to go traping off to some shit hole third world country and risk getting their head chopped off by some crazed ass dand eater for Just Because. Also, as 75% of the world is covered in water, obviously, most solar eclipses happen over water making them hard to observe because astronomers either have to be on a ship that will be in that location or be on a plane following it.
Having this eclipse happen over thr entire Continental United States is a godsend in ttself, for the obvious reason that is is happening in a civilized part of the world and scientists dont have to go to some lifeless desert that the towel heads and camel fuckers are fighting over this week but because it is happening over The U. S. Fucking A. And being full of college towns community and respected, there will be a large number of Astromers recording and collecting data on this eclipse. Except for the slight chance of a Deliverance style surprise anal sexing in tge hills of Georgia, most scientists will be rather safe.
The unfortunate consequence is that every fuckwit in the civilized, free world will be podcasting this event and telling us about Aliens and Xenu.

Eclipse Times And Map

File:1eclipse111.jpg

• Location______ Partial Eclipse Begins_ Sun Completely Obscured

• Salem, OR______09:05 am PDT_______10:18 am PDT
• Idaho Falls, ID______ 10:15 am MDT_______ 11:33 am MDT
• Casper, WY______ 10:22 am MDT_______ 11:43 am MDT
• Lincoln, NE______ 11:37 am CDT_______ 1:03 pm CDT
• Sabetha, KS______ 11:38 am CDT_______ 1:05 pm CDT
• Jefferson City, MO______ 11:46 am CDT_______ 1:14 pm CDT
• Carbondale, IL______ 11:52 am CDT_______ 1:21 pm CDT
• Hopkinsville, KY______ 11:56 am CDT_______ 1:25 pm CDT
• Nashville, TN______ 11:58 am CDT_______ 1:28 pm CDT
• Talulah Falls, GA______ 1:07 pm EDT_______ 2:37 pm EDT
• Columbia, SC______ 1:13 pm EDT_______ 2:43 pm EDT
• Charleston, SC______ 1:16 pm EDT_______ 2:47 pm EDT