Aboriginal
Aboriginals are the niggers of Australia. They are typically called coons, boongs, abos or black cunts by every Australian. The proper name for a young aboriginal is Lake Angel.
History of Aboriginals
Over 9000 years ago, Zyrg militia (a pale-green skinned race of hostile bio-androids) from Zeta Reticuli descended into the Earth's atmosphere. Due to a floating point error in the crystalline-protein matrix of the mothership's bio-computer, the fleet's entry trajectory was miscalculated, hideously burning the skin of the invading race and partially melting the ship's superstructure. The gases released caused vivid hallucinations which the aliens interpreted as fact. This was the Dreamtime. Their current leader is Pauline Hanson.
At least 100 years ago, English discoverers colonized Australia with the aim of turning into the world's most hostile and desolate prison, labor farm and pastry shop. Encountering pale-skinned people for the first time, the Zyrg race (in their poorly charred form) welcomed the newcomers to the beaches. The English greeted them with gifts of delicious bullets and later cyanide laced wheat.
After the small misunderstanding of killing most of the Aborigines was cleared up, the British achieved a mutually agreeable compromise of getting the remaining Aborigines drunk, moving them all into tiny, remote communities, and stealing their children to be raised in good Christian households.
During the late 1800s and early 1900s, Aborigines were slaughtered by the thousands to provide specimens of 'missing links' for museums in Europe and America. The Australian National Museum once classified aborigines as 'Australian animals' and gave instructions on plugging up the bullet holes (LULZ!) once the specimen had been shot for 'science'.
What Aboriginals Sound Like (telephone call)
You will notice they often get very confused, leading to sudden outbursts.
Abo technological "advancements"
The Australian indigenous people are believed to have populated the country for over 40 thousand years, making them one of the oldest "civilisations" on Earth, pre-dating ancient Greeks, Mayans and Egyptians. So in all this time on Earth before everyone else, you would have expected them to be some kind of super-advanced, super-intelligent race. Below is a complete list of 40,000 years of all Aboriginal accomplishments and contributions to humanity:
- A long stick (spear)
- A curved stick (boomerang)
- A hollow stick (digeridoo)
As a comparison, here are some interesting facts, comparing Abos to Chinks.
- In 9 BCE, China invented gunpowder
- In 5 BCE, the Chinese invent the kite
- The Chinese are also so much cooler asian.
- In 4 CE, Chinese scientists make a fully working compass, and
- In 1788 CE, when the British came to Australia, after 40,000 years of life, the damn Abos still hadn't invented the FUCKING WHEEL, and yet they want us to respect their culture and way of life. (lol no wheels means no cars, so why do they use so much damn petrol? O wait)
Note: While Abos claim to have inhabited Australia for over 40,000 years, science suggests that they arrived less than 4000 years ago and are just full of shit. Apparently longer inhabitance means they get more money, even though it was their own damned fault their dumbass population got wiped out by smallpox, seems they started stealin' from whitey as soon as he landed.
Abo Hobbies
Hobbies of the Abo's tend to include:
Drinking petrol out of jerry cans
- raping their young
- Drinking grog to contact the spirits.
- waiting for the fortnightly dole payment to go buy more drugs and booze
- teaching their children how to also be the unwiped arseholes of society like the parents
- drinking beer with the bottle still in the paper bag while sitting in highway median strips
- complaining about how white people stole their land 200 years ago, like they were going to do anything else but search for "bush tucker" (aboriginal food) on it.
- Celebrating Sorry Day, A time when all White Australians are legally obligated to apologize to the Aboriginals for something they never did.
- [Children only] Being confused on father's day
- Sniffing bug spray on Queensland Rail on thier way to Beenleigh Centerlink.
- They also engaged in cannibalism as late as the 1970's!
When an Aboriginal child is born, the Mother will hold it over an open fire so the smoke can "cleanse it from evils." MOAR LIKE GIVE IT LUNG CANCER, BRAIN DAMAGE, ASTHMA AND THE BEETIS!
Aboriginal Culture
The only two musical instruments used in Aboriginal music are sticks and the didgeridoo. Whereas civilized societies produced instruments of made of metals and complicated tubing, the Zyrg produced the Log, v.2. This large bong-like contraption emits a low groaning sound, much akin to what bagpipes would sound like on methadone. They also have heaps of stories of encounters with kangaroos (they were either drunk or sniffing a high amount of petrol at the time) that they say were like the size of a tree and encountered the great hairy man or the yowie (which is actually your mom). This is the one contribution the Zyrg have produced, advancing stick technology to levels previously unthought of. The didgeridoo was originally invented to mask the sound of their young screaming as the tribal elders ritually raped them and circumcised them with hot stones.
An aboriginal rave is called a corroboree, which usually involves a circle of elders sitting around a burning pyre of state-provided bedding and furniture, while younger Aboriginals paint themselves in automotive paint and huff gasoline fumes before dancing in a crazed fashion typically associated with Downs Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy. Abo Youth
While Abo's are famous for their blowing of Digeredoos, a big part of Aboriginal youth culture is acting like a gangster. Even though they live in Australia, young Abo's try to replicate the culture of young African Americans, often engaging in singing rap music, drinking, gangbanging, drinking, rape, drinking, incest and other forms of Niggerdom. They also very often partake in binge drinking, sometimes having up to three times the fatal limit of alcohol. While this amount would normally be assumed to be enough to kill 3 people, Abo's have a special ability to constantly be hammered, but never die.
Abo Youth behaviour can be observed in the following video. [2]
Child Rape
In July 2007, The Australian Government sent federal police and motherfucking army units into Aboriginal communities to seize control after a recent report came to the shocking and unexpected conclusion that Aboriginals were getting drunk and raping their young.
The communities, mostly focused around the Northern Territory (see: Middle of Fucking Nowhere) are torn between receiving free health and infrastructure, and having their precious beer, drugs and loli taken away from them.
The report was titled "Little Children Are Sacred", which is widely believed to be a typographical error, the correct title being "Little Children Are (fucking) Scared.". Which, let's face it, you would be too if a fat beardy negroid man with spraypaint on his breath was lying on top of you like some sort of hairy, stinking leviathan.
A news report on child sexual abuse and the abuse of petrol in Aboriginal Communities. [3]
The Aboriginal Flag
The Aboriginal flag is composed of horizontal black on red bars, with a yellow circle in the center. It shows their proud German heritage. Aboriginals originally came to Australia from Germany in the dreamtime riding on the Rainbow Serpent.
Colours
- The black represents the niggerness of the Abos skin.
- The red reprsents the blood spilled when the White people came and fixed Australia.
- The yellow blob in the middle is the big puddle of piss left by all white Australians, who love nothing more than to piss on this piece of shit flag.
New Design
Proposed new design for Abo Flag. This new rendition features a symbol of greater importance than the sun to Abos, Centrelink is where all Abos get their booze money. Rather than getting jobs and working for money like normal people, they expect to receive unlimited Government handouts from the the same Government which they claim to despise. Along with their traditional spirit beliefs such as The Rainbow Serpent, Abos have recently crowned Centrelink as a God, worshiping it for its generous nature and for providing Abos with some sort of income. The only difference between other religious beliefs and Centrelink is that Centrelink actually exists.
Aborigines and Commerce
Aboriginals represent approximately 80% of the total sales shoplifting of Winfield Blue cigarettes in Australia. The other 20% are from residents of Werribee.
The 2005 Australian Sensus gave an overall unemployment rate for proper Australian citizens of 2.7%, an improvement since the 2001 sensus' report of 102.7%. The Australian Bureau of Statistics also gathered data on Abos just to make them feel special, in this case the rate of employment was a mere 3%, with the majority of Abos living off welfare.
(Note: It is belived that the actual rate of employmenmt for Abos is 0%, however when the ABS entered this data into their system it caused a divide by zero error, giving us the strange percentage we have now.)
Petrol
Aboriginals love sniffing petrol. This is done by simply sniffing it directly from the can or someones fuel tank. A common occurrence in Australian life is waking up to find a dead petrol sniffer right next to your car. This is usually exclaimed by the Australian yelling "Crikey, there's a dead petrol sniffer!" No one knows why Abos sniff petrol, some speculate that they believe it holds some spiritual significance, other beliefs include they use it just to get high.
Government Petrol Initiative
Late in October 2008, the Australian Government began to respond to the serious issue of Abo's sniffing petrol. One method they will shortly employ is the production of odourless petrol. This new petrol is impossible to get high off by smelling it and has the aim of stopping petrol sniffing in Aboriginal communities. However, the more likely result is that instead of giving up the petrol altogether, they will stop sniffing it, and start drinking it.
Abo Milkshake Recipe
- Milk, preferably from a kangaroo
- Premium unleaded (Note: Use Diesel for extra brain damage)
- 6 pack VB
- Cancer
- ????
- PROFIT!!
More on Abo's and petrol can be found at:
- http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/10/31/2406869.htm
- http://www.radioaustralia.net.au/news/stories/200810/s2402161.htm?tab=australia
- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7679278.stm - Oh Shit!, It's on the rise
They were so happy, and we RUINED it!
Every single Australian child has had the miracle of the dreamtime rammed down their throat at school from an early age. Apparently abos were happy squatting naked in their own filth for thousands of years. So why then does the modern aboriginal complain about his difficult and unfulfilling life of squatting naked in his own filth, in a government provided house, and a government provided can of VB?
Here we come to grips with the very essence of modern aboriginal culture.
A stray dog does not expect you to feed it, but if you do, it comes to expect it and will complain if you don’t.
Seriously, that’s all there is. Aboriginals immediately spend their tax-payer funded dole money on cheap booze, cheap smokes and Cray supercomputers within one hour of having been issued with their fortnightly allotment. Woe betide them! They’ve now spent all their free white devil money on white devil comestibles! How will they now feed their millions of fly-blown, illiterate children?
How indeed? So more money is issued, which is immediately spent on booze, woe betide, how indeed, more money, etc.
There comes a time where keeping a human ant farm stops being fun, that time is when it starts costing hundreds of millions of dollars, and at the end of the day, the only change is the ring of VB stubbies around the naked man crouching in his own filth.
Lose a thong, mate?
"Nah, I found one"
Due to an aboriginal's aforementioned pathological inability to spend money in a productive, life-enriching manner, they have become notorious scroungers. It's certainly not uncommon to encounter a specimen in the wild wearing no, odd, or only one item of footwear. Further clothing is even more haphazard.
Government provided housing, in the two to three years before it collapses from neglect, tends to accumulate an unexplainable amount of urine-soaked mattresses and cushions. These are of course not for the children, who must sleep on the floor, but for the dozens of disease-ridden feral dogs abos tend to collect. Note of course that aboriginals are unable to feed themselves, let alone a fucking dog pound.
Don't consider this an affront to their intellect however. To suggest such a lifestyle is moronic would be racist. And only white people are racist.
Why are Abos called boongs?
They're called Boongs because that's the sound they make when they get hit by a semi!!!1 (truck, lorry) Video provides excellent example with a firetruck.
If you don't own a semi and see an abo on the side of the road, opening your passenger-side door and collecting him as you pass makes an acceptable substitute.
If you do happen to hit one and they bounce off your truck into the roadside bushes, you should immediately call the cops, who will shake your hand and charge him with leaving the scene of an accident. If the abo has gone through your windscreen, they will charge him with breaking and entering instead.
NOTE: It says WIN News at the start. They obviously named the network in anticipation of this moment.
If you are concerned about the above video, we wish to inform you that there was no damage to the firetruck, and the doctors at the hospital wasted no time, kicking Bruce (or Boongi-Dung-Dung De-Gonga-Wang-Doong as his family calls him) to the curb as soon as they realized he was an Abo, allowing more time for real patients.
Why Abos get nothing done
Primarily because they are too busy trying to harass da camera man [5]
