LBC Lulz News/E3 Day 1, By "The Guy"

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6 June 2011

E3 2011 Day 1

By THE GUY

Now I know what you are thinking, "Who the fuck is The Guy? He sounds like some douchebag with USI." I'm going to answer that right now...I AM THE GUY, YOU WHORE. And I am the LBC's new gaming columnist. I'm the person who will be telling you what the fuck is happening down at E3. And I will tell you EXACTLY what you should care about and why. I will also tell you when you should rage like a bitch with PMS. As the day goes by, I will update this page with new shit. So you better fucking watch asshole.

So apparently the next Nintendo console, which is known as the Fucking Project Cafe (which is a homosexual name, even when compared to the fucking Wii) is going to have a controller with a touchscreen inside it. WHAT THE FUCK NINTENDO. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING. Jesus fucking christ, if I want to play on a DS I will play on a DS. I can already tell now that Nintendo's next console is not going to be "hardcore". If the Fucking Project Cafe is hardcore, then so is Angry Birds. I can't wait until Nintendo's press conference when they're gonna announce their next hardcore game, Cooking Mama Infinite. Or some shit like that. I don't know.

Halo 4. Halo. 4. WHAT. Microsoft, what is this? HALO 4?! No. NO. I thought that we FINISHED THE FIGHT in Halo 3. AND NOW WE'VE GOT TO FINISH IT...AGAIN?! Bungie, you fucking jew whores. YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING JEW RATS!

As if Halo 4 wasn't enough, we have another Call of Duty. Call of Duty MW3. It's just like Activision to do this. They run their most successful IPs into the ground by releasing too many sequels. Why not try a fucking original idea for once you fucks?

Then we have Battlefield 3. It already wins GOTY 2011. It's so realistic I thought I was back in Iraq with the rest of the Marines. Yes I am a former Marine. If you don't believe me give me your address so I can show you fuckface.

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