Burger King
The /b/urger King is a deranged psychopath with a plastic face who runs around hell bent on terrorizing the Burger populace. It is speculated that he took control of the Burger underground by viciously murdering long-time crime boss The Hamburglar with nothing but a spork and a smile. Meat got BBQ´d, not fried - hence the saying "get toasted". He made him eat his own fucking head while his wife watched, sobbing, who then proceeded to help broil the King's meat at the local BK. The video can still be seen for $3.95 if you order a #19 off the bitchin' value menu. That's fuckin' cold blooded seven fourteen. They should charge at least $9.99 for that kind of shit. It's worth it. He's so fucking hardcore the fags at EA decided to give him a spot in one of their Fight Night games, where he gets to beat niggers up. SHIT IS SO FUCKING CASH.
About The King
He is known for shouting his catchphrase at the top of his Burger lungs in order to scare all of the little Burger children in the little Burger villages. The words that seem to echo into the night are "Where is your God now?" It is rumored that the Burger King is a Power Bottom, Illogicopedia's all about the motherfuckin' Clam, and don't you fucking forget it!! His favorite pastime is sneaking into other men's hotel rooms at night and penetrating them in their sleep.
Perhaps out of fear, the restaurants named after Burger King are over 9,000 times cleaner than your average McDonald's. Burger King burgers are better than McDonald's burgers, because that's how Burger King likes it, and nobody's going to go toe-to-toe with Burger King. (Karl Rove is a possible exception, but this has not yet been tested.) He is in a current power struggle against Ronald McDonald with mass casualties. Those who are unlucky to get caught between the two are never seen again.
God could not be reached for comment. Jesus, however, had this to say: "I look into those eyes...those eyes. I do start to wonder where Dad is, now."
Theme Song
We're making... a killing... inside the Burger King
When you step inside the doorway, we start the murdering
We'll bash you, we'll hack you, we'll grind you up for meat
Don't tell us it's immoral, it's what you came to eat
It's best to use the drive thru, it's faster and it's safe
And these fresh char-broiled burgers are the best you ever ate!
The King Delivers
The King's Run for the Presidency
See Also
External Links
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Burger King is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
