David Firth

Did you know that... David Firth is a piss-poor wanna-be Lynch who can barely work Flash and has a fanbase consisting entirely of 15-year-olds?

Salad Fingers.

David Firth is a purveyor of Flash movies of a rather retarded nature. He can't draw for shit, but he makes up for this by being a sick fuck. He hails from a really crap city in the north of England called Hull, which is populated mostly by zombies and chavs and reguarly makes the top two on surveys on the worst places in Britain, something which the residents believe to be an achievement of sorts. In Hull it is common etiquette to rape grannies and impregnate your pets(WTF?!), which explains a lot.

David Firth has gotten a lot of attention on Newgrounds where he is either adored by goths, retards, weirdos and pretentious French people or hated by other flash animators, 13 year old boys and queers. David Firth also sometimes reviews other flash animations on Newgrounds, usually damning them to hell for not being up to par with his wonderful work.

He is totally not cool with his vids being on YouTube.

Salad Fingers

• FUN FACT

Salad fingers is actually a female you will see proof of that if you have re-watched the episodes

Salad Fingers is a a popular terrible flash animation about some creepy fuck who sits around being a faggot. Scientists believe that the Salad Fingers cartoon is based on the typical Hull resident, they have not been able to confirm this because all explorers who dared to venture into Hull were raped to death and had their bodies sent back to their family with a 2nd class stamp stuck to their forehead. The whole thing reeks of Tim Burton and attracts pretty much the same crowd of goth fags and turds. Newgrounds also hosts a myriad number of Salad Finger tributes which are all the exactly the same. Many scientists tried to investigate the inner meaning of the movie. Most of them stopped giving a shit after they saw Salad Fingers jacking off a rusty grid.

However, top scientist Psychopath submerged himself into the insanity long enough that he was Cthulhuized and was thus able to understand the nonsense before him, simultaneously he held on to his sanity just well enough so that he could translate WTF is going on to those who dare not trench through the pits of hell to find out for their selves. In short, Psychopath is Virgil and you're Dante.

His transcribe:

Salad Fingers is a subject to the result of surviving a nuclear blast. His mutations, insanity and the similar disfigurements and mental ailgments of all but 2 other people he's met, the toilet he finds in the middle of the feild, the dead, desolate wasteland he lives in, his introverted mental battles, his constant references to "The Great War" are all the result of a nuclear holocaust.

Salad Fingers is an introverted psychological drama, him dealing with his own annihilated psyche.

Even though it's never outright said that Salad survived a nuclear explosion, it's hinted at multiple curves that he has; all the vegetation in his area is dead, with the few exceptions of nettles; his environment is in constant smog and cloud cover; he and all the other survivors are deformed with the exception of two children; In episode 6, Salad wonders off from his house to find a toilet in the middle of the desert without any other structures near by; episode 6 is where "The Great War" is introduced; In episode 7 Salad digs up a dead body and confuses it with his brother Kenneth, whom of which is "Out fighting the great war".

Salad lives in complete isolation and has thus become Schizophrenic. Salad very rarely interacts with any living human being and lives in his own fantasy world, so being faced with actual human interaction shocks and frightens him. He desires nothing more than human interaction, but can't handle the reality of experiencing it; being confronted with an outside element to his introspective life that he can't control, therefore, can't grasp.

The best example of this is in Episode 5: "Picnic" where Salad decides to host a "grand picnic" in which a little girl stumbles upon his "grand picnic" and decides to snack on his food. Salad starts a conversation in which he hosts both ends, as he usually does with his finger puppets, only in place of his finger puppets he designates the girl who stumbled upon his picnic. When the girl actually begins conversing with him vocally, it shocks and horrifies him into retreating into a corner of his house having been faced with a reality he couldn't control the precise outcome.

Episode 6: "Present", is where Salad first mentions "The Great War". This is also one of the more strongly psychological introspective episodes.

When Salad converses with Jeremy Fisher, he says "I thought you were out fighting in The Great War" after receiving the horse from his imaginary finger puppet, he eats Jeremy Fisher. That happens again later, near the end. The version of Salad Fingers that appears in the chair is spiteful, bitter and also took the same action in eating the finger puppet. Except he was aware of himself devouring the puppet this time. The only thing he didn't realize was that it was the good Salad Fingers he was eating.

Now what caused this double Salad Finger scenario? In the sentence "Lets just flush those bad thoughts away." Fingers was forced to confront his dark side and banish it from his mind as opposed to confronting it, but in doing so he let it manifest into a bitter duplicate of himself which later consumed him. The dialogue the two share are fragmented into two different segments of the episode; the Toilet scene and the bitter duplicate scene. When arranged correctly, the sentence reads as:

Bitter Salad: "Jeremy Fisher."

Normal Salad: "Pardon?"

Bitter Salad: "I thought you were out fighting The Great War. I would like a word with you."

Normal Salad: "I don't understand that, what is this?"

Bitter Salad: "I'm not one for accusations but this one's cast iron! I've seen you, tailgating my daughter with aspirations of deflowering her rose."

Normal Salad: "No! This isn't true you've got the wrong bloke squire!"

Bitter Salad: "I don't make mistakes comrade, this one's text book!"

Bitter Salad then proceeds with consuming the original Salad.

Episode 7: "Shore Leave" Where we as the audience are given a full retrospective of Salads former life, we're also given a full scale view of Salads' Schizophrenia and how "The Great War" has effected his mind one way or the other.

His colleague's response:

I can guarantee you that the author did not put that much thought into it.

Episode Guide

• Episode 1: Spoons. In which we meet Salad Fingers and learn that he likes the feeling of rust cock against his salad fingers anus. He ventures into the abode of a strange creature and caresses its kettle testicles.

• Episode 2: Friends. Salad Fingers has a get together with his friends who are finger puppets. He proceeds to taste them. They are: Margery Stewart-Baxter who tastes of sunshine dust, Hubert Cumberdale who tastes of soot and poo and Jeremy Fisher of undisclosed flavor. We learn that Salad Fingers knows at least rudimentary French.Salad Fingers then tricks a scared looking chav into his oven. He then skewers his finger on a rusty nail and remarks "I like it when the red water comes out I'm anally penetrated". He then loses consciousness, presumably from lack of blood. He dreams about seeing Hubert Cumberdale in a slaughterhouse. Hubert Cumberdale screams and Salad Fingers awakes looking pale in a pool of blood. There is smoke everywhere, presumably from the chav in the oven. Salad Fingers remarks "That fish smells about done".

• Episode 3: Nettles. Salad Fingers has been enjoying the pleasures of nettles cock. He then finds a soiled, rusty old pram, which he calls a nettle carrier. He is followed home by an enraged, retarded BBQ employee with no arms called Harry who Salad Fingers names Milford Cubicle. He then proceeds to rub a nettle on his nipple and makes milk come out. Harry/Milford knocks himself unconscious banging his head on the door so Salad Fingers drags him inside and puts him on a hook. He then plays an Irish ditty on the flute and offers Harry/Milford a glass of milk.

• Episode 4: Cage. Salad Fingers meets Brian Peppers who apparently has a crush on him. When Salad fingers explains to him that their love is forever doomed, he is imprisoned in a cage. He escapes by using some form of voodoo and rides off into the sunset on a giant rusty tap.
  • Episode 5: Picnic. There was a fairly large time gap in between making episode 4 and 5. This episode is a bit crap really. THE WHOLE SERIES SUCKS COCKS! Salad Fingers goes on a date with Cracky-chan and that's pretty much it.
  • Episode 6: Present. Jeremy Fisher gives Salad Fingers a toy horse whom he names Horace Horsecollar. He then eats Jeremy Fisher and plays with Horace. Salad Fingers finds a toilet in the middle of the wilderness and fishes around it. He apparently sees someone accusing him of something in teh toilet bowl and returns home, were he finds a copy of himself who proceeds to eat the brain cock of the original Salad Fingers.
  • Episode 7: Shore Leave. Salad Fingers has been eating sand. He finds the rotten corpse of his younger brother, Kenneth. He continuously refers to "The Great War". After a meal he kicks Kenneth back into the hole singing "We'll meet again". We then see Salad Fingers in a dress, singing in front of a crowd, but he complains that the pianist is playing in the wrong key and walks off stage.
  • Episode 8: Cupboard. Salad Fingers is enjoying his radio but we can't find a clear station. We see him putting pellets into the back of the radio saying "He gets a little uppity when he hasn't had his substance". The radio starts emitting a frequency that upsets Salad Fingers.Salad Fingers decides to wait it out in his safety cupboard. He finds a hair in the cupboard which he tapes to the wall with other hairs. Salad Fingers awakes in the night to find his radio telling him he wants his hair back and to clean the house. Salad fingers gets upset and proceeds to eat the hairs and hides in his cupboard crying.
  • Episode 9: Letter. Salad Fingers receives a letter (news paper article) from the great war.

  Burnt Face Man

  The only one of Firth's series that doesn't regularly involve corpses being sodomised. It involves the homoerotic misadventures of a gay superhero with a burnt (sic) face. In context with the rest of Firth's work, this is actually pretty normal.

  Devvo

  A Semi-autobiographical account of David Firth's youth, as well as being a toned down factual documentary about life in Hull. It is an epic tale of sleeping in bins, drinking cider in the park and taking pills. The main character is surprisingly articulate for a chav, possibly in an attempt to make the subject matter more accessible to regular folk.

  Panathinaikos Bear

  A strange and hypnotic retelling of the adventures of George W Bush and some green thing that will give you a fucking headache. Probably makes less sense than anything else by David Firth. No JewTube.

  Sock

  This series is based on Firth's dreams, proving once again he is a sick fuck.

  Spoilsbury Toast Boy

  This is a backwards running series much in the style of Salad Fingers only more fucked up as it involves his grandmother being sodomised by roaches, roaches commanding Spoilsbury Toast Boy to cut off his grandmothers nipples and a machine that totally pwns Spoilsbury Toast Boy. Aside from that, the cartoon makes pretty much no sense at all.

  Hell Claymation

  Unlike Firth's other stop animations, "Hell" will leave you wanting to Pwn urself IRL if under heavy doses of the weed. At the end of it, most would wonder if Michael Jackson really is Peter Pan and what had just happened to their lower extremities.

  Jerry Jackson

  David Firth also makes flashes under the name of Jerry Jackson. Jerry is a 13 year old boy alter-ego who thinks he's better than he is at flash. Despite the obvious parody, many people think he's real. These people are the lol-cows of Newgrounds. To further prove that Jerry Jackson is not an alter ego of himself, David spead false rumors about actually meeting and having sexual relations with Jerry. Similar to actual acts he perfomed with a Little girl.

  Waller FM

  Firth has recently released a podcast pretending to be a radio show pretending to be funny. The show, for the most part, is incomprehensible and and features old characters spouting the same humor as previously seen on his website.

  MilkMan

  A flash cartoon filled with dasies and ponys. The name of the flash is Milkman. Oh, what a joy it is to behold this fine piece of animation. Ages 0-3.

  Video Dating

  A story of retards, perverts, and fat ugly women.

  Gallery

  • 
    girls love salad fingers
  • 
    Salad Fingers
  • 
    salad fingers and friend
  • 
    Salad Fingers and a 'Special Friend'
  • 
    Salad fingers on his spare time

  External links

  • David Firth's homepage.
  • Firth's other web page.
  • The best Flash cartoon EVAR.
  • [1] Newgrounds boasting a perfectly visible boner over Salad Fingers.