Kristopher
I AM KRISTOPHER is a short-lived forced meme from that filthiest of websites, Livejournal. The whole thing was spawned during one of the many battles between homosexual troll Chaos wraith x and pagan King of the Sockpuppets Son of Art.
Darkpaganism
How it Began
darkpaganism, a community noted for its intelligent contributions to discussion of the occult, had long since become a stomping ground for Robin Artisson and his verbose, off-topic bullshit. Sometime in December 2007, Chaos wraith x did a bunch of yelling, and directed the community to Son of Art's ED page. Artisson, fuming with rage attempted to fight back, but was quickly assailed by a few other users.
One of those users was named Kristopher.
Not content with casting curse spells, Artisson soon showed up on ED's doorstep, ready for revenge. Artisson, himself owning at least 100 sockpuppets, decided to insist that all of Chaos' friends were, in fact, sockpuppets. Chaos was, in turn, a sockpuppet of Kristopher. Or something. I don't fucking know.
Regardless, after that whole clusterfuck, Chaos and his friendslist were inexorably linked to the name Kristopher.
I AM
Around this time, only after realizing they'd all been labeled Kristopher, the group came up with a brilliant idea: grab a Spartacus icon and claim to be Kristopher. All at once.
Returning to the hallowed halls of darkpaganism, the group then set upon Artisson, spamming him resolutely with claims of the name of Kristopher until he was forced to delete his comments and flee from the community like a whipped dog.
Thus ended the first in what would be a long string of Kristopher-related raids.
Trail of Destruction
Between the months of January and April 2008, Kristopher cut a large swathe of destruction across a number of Livejournal communities. Some of the raided comms include:
- metaquotes
- thedressingroom
- ask_me_anything - This resulted in at least 100 users being banned from the community.
- mock_the_stupid
- objectivists
- egl
- badmakeup
- Childfree
- CF Hardcore
- Thequestionclub
- SF Drama
The Return to Darkpaganism
Not satisfied with the violence and terror induced by raiding random communities, the collective Kristopher set their sights on the cesspool from which they spawned: darkpaganism. It was late one Saturday in April when Kristopher descended on the unsuspecting community, crapflooding, posting fake religious text, intellectual quandries, pr0n and seizure-inducing flashing images and text. On top of this, they were followed by Chris Hansen, who loudly proclaimed his presence to the community via broken HTML.
The population of Darkpaganism quickly scattered and panicked over the entire mess, and once again, absentee maintainer theunicursalhex was nowhere to be found.
Though the planned raid was only supposed to last for three hours at most, further lulz were had when Son of Art returned and proclaimed the villainous monster responsible would die alone. This brought the attention of the parties involved in the raid, and they continued attacking the community for another day altogether.
Kristopher, having salted the earth and driven darkpaganism into the ground, had finally ended his career, knowing that his purpose had been served.
Two days later, theunicursalhex returned, deleted most of the Kristopher/Chris Hansen entries, and decided that stricter controls needed to be placed on the community. She also declined Son of Art's request for maintainer status, thinking that he helped stage the whole thing as an excuse to take over the community anyway.
How2Kristopher
Following these simple steps, you too can raid as Kristopher! Impress your friends!
What you need:
- 5 to 10 friends
- A Spartacus icon
- OPTIONAL: A blinking rainbow icon
How to Raid:
- Choose a community.
- Flood the community's posts with assertions that you are, in fact, Kristopher.
- Post new community entries with the assertion that you are, in fact, Kristopher.
- If you see someone else claiming to be Kristopher, tell them that they are wrong, and that you are, in fact, Kristopher.
- Repeat until banned.
Following these simple rules, you can have a full-scale community invasion going within ten minutes!
Icon Gallery
Use the original for best effect. The variations are fine, too...
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The original. -
Epic Fail variation. -
I Am Legend variation. -
Dio Brando variation. -
Trap variation. -
WARNING: Use only under certain conditions.
