That Guy With The Glasses/movies
Kickassia
Kickassia is the TGWTG's site attempt at celebrating its two year (jesus fucking christ, two years?) anniversary. It is exemplary of all the fail the website has to offer. So what is it? Strangely enough, it has nothing to do with reviewing shit no one cares about. It is instead a 6 part video event that miserably attempts to be funny by doing a GIANT COLLABORATION VIDEO WITH. EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKER. WHO HAS EVER APPEARED ON THE SITE. (except Dr. Ashens, as non-faggots were not invited). The entire thing is written by, directed by, and starring the god himself, Doug Walker. Ironically, when Doug later reviewed The Room, he remarked on how the same guy was writer, director, and star, saying, "Warning, people!")
Every single episode of Kickassia is a plodding, unfunny car crash of an internet "movie", based around a miserable grind of poorly written and poorly timed jokes. It succeeds only by showing everything that is wrong with Channel Awesome and how much of a talentless hack everyone is. No one in the entire video ever attempts to act but instead show what sad miserable fucks they're all truly are. A small example of this shit would be the Nostalgia Chick pretending to be Sarah Palin, forgetting she is about 2 years behind on the joke. Every other gag and, uh, plot element consists of inside jokes and references that have already been used dozens of times in regular reviews.
Clearly this was an epic that could only be told in six instalments (to make them moar monies on Blip).
One thing you can be sure of, though; just as night follows day, this "special event" is followed by unbearable commentary and crossover videos. At this point, TGWTG is like some kind of hideous, buck-toothed hydra that spawns ten new, awful videos each time a new awful video is uploaded.
Take DOUG & CREW PLAY DANCE MANIAX JPARADISE!!, for example, which is described as
— Spoony. | ||
As far as "White Guy Movements" are concerned, this one's a little less funny than the Ku Klux Klan. Besides, Benzaie's not white, he's French.
But, considering all the shitty movies these talentless fuckers "review" on the site, it would be highly ironic if one of them actually covered Kickassia. But don't hold your breath though, these faggots would rather slit their own throats than get their graven idol, Doug Walker butthurt.
Busy Street has also provided commentary tracks for the movie. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6
Also check out their writers commentary tracks. Part 1
Its IMDB score: 6.4/10, up 1.1 over a few months. Keep up the vote spamming, fanboys!
Suburban Knights (alt. title: Kickassia II: Electric Boogaloo)
Because Kickassia wasn't enough, the idiots of TGWTG just made another shitty, unfunny movie to celebrate the three year anniversary of the site in which every single unimportant piece of TGWTG reviewer meat appears again. On the 21st June 2011 they released a trailer showing footage of the film and a bit of the story. The story is about a bunch of retards dressing up like gays who find a map which leads to a magic gauntlet... and that's it. The rest of the movie is just a bunch of assholes screaming and shouting mixed with crappy video effects. The movie will be released on the 27th June as a 7 Part Event till the 3rd July, and the inevitable DVD will be Otakun sniffed approved when the blip revenue won't be enough for TGWTG.com. The best thing about it is the fact the title is extremely catchy. And that really can't be called a merit to the actual film, which is pretty much a glorified LARP.
Oh, and That Dude in the Suede shows up in Part Five. And nobody gives a fuck.
On-Set Medical Situations: The Channel Awesome Kool-Aid
Last Thursday, self proclaimed internet reviewer of internet reviewers Asalieri had leaked to him an audio recording of some low-tier TGWTG members expressing their shock and astonishment over the fact that during filming of Suburban Knights, one of the female actors nearly fainted on set.
He was asked to keep this information private, so naturally he immediately shared this tidbit with the class, first posting the audio to YouTube, only to take it down a few hours later. His understanding of the incident was that the girl fainted due to being tied upside-down on a cross. Eventually some TGWTG forumites started a thread asking for an official response. Rob Walker initially stated that there was no truth to any of the claims, then a little later remembered that oh yeah, there was that one incident where a girl nearly fainted on set after being tied up with duct tape.
In his telling of events, she was tied right-side up. He said that he personally administered medical treatment (making his bout of amnesia over the incident somewhat questionable), which consisted in giving her some Gatorade and gently reminding her that she'd already signed a form releasing Channel Awesome from any liability. First Rob Walker and the other mods deleted half the comments on the thread, including Asalieri's (along with banning him and several others who'd commented), before later proceeding to Delete Fucking Everything due to "lack of focus on the real issues," lock the thread, and call it a successful PR exercise. And of course, that sparked attention for ED's favorite meta fatass, who probably went on ED and wrote this portion of the article.
Meanwhile, on the Dead Horse Interchange forums, amidst discussion and screencaps of the shitstorm on the TGWTG forums, Obscurus Lupa appeared out of nowhere to make a tl;dr post about how leaking the info to Asalieri amounted to "betrayal" on the part of the whistle-blower, thus confirming what had been clear to many for a long time: that Channel Awesome's operates like a cult. She said that she'd be closing ranks with Channel Awesome in shunning the whistle-blower, who if anyone cares is some guy named Matt whom she used to date.
To Boldly Flee (From This Movie)
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On June 26th 2012, TGWTG released a trailer for their impending 4th anniversary flop, ironically titled "To Boldly Flee". It was released the same summer.
While the title would've been retarded on its own, but after the events that led to SpoonyOne leaving TGWTG (after the movie was made BTW), it makes it sound a lot more fitting and lulzy.
The movie itself is a pathetic mishmash of the worst aspects of Star Trek, Dr Who, and Battlefield Earth starring Zod, Emperor of Planet Houston and a whole bunch of things ripped off of more successful films such as "Up". It attempts to ride the shirttails of its own "popularity" by regurgitating its own jokes out of context. This, of course, is very unfunny as most of the jokes were getting a little worn to start with and not having any context to help them pretty much shoots them all in the face.
The film is shot in Doug Walker's mother's basement. No, really. They actually try to work it into the plot by saying something about magical flying houses powered by Linkara's technomagic. It's also at least 60% crappy greenscreen with CGI that would be embarrassing in a high schooler's youtube film. There is zero budget and all the props that weren't previously made and used by other reviewers appear to be made mostly of cardboard and duct tape. This is a poor B-movie at best, and not even the hilariously bad kind. Go watch "Plan 9 from Outer Space" or "The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra" instead. You'll thank us. There is so little passion in the acting you can feel how jaded and abused the staff was through the film. Dealing with old ma Walker probably didn't help, either.
Pretty much Ma-ti possesses Spoony due to really stupid stuff they did in past films ripping a hole in reality known as the Plot Hole. So Nostalgia Critic summons all the reviewers who can stand to be in his presence (or owe him badly enough that they have no other choice), turn his mother's house into a spaceship and try to fix the Plot Hole. Emperor Zod is pissy because Battlefield Earth guy screwed up his part of the "Planet Houston" invasion (wait, wasn't he already self-proclaimed emperor of the world? Wat.) so he gets a space ship too and chases them. The only good part is that the Nostalgia Critic dies at the end. Sadly, it's not a satisfying death as the Nostalgia Critic, the guy forever played up on (and off) screen as a total self-absorbed asshole the universe would be better off with without, does a poorly-written "heroic sacrifice" to make the plot hole close.
If you couldn't tell from the ending, this was a multi-hour B-movie sendoff so Doug Walker could retire the Nostalgia Critic. Spoony leaves... and he gets nothing. A grating character is to be retired and he gets a movie special masquerading as yet another "Happy Anniversary" film. Needless to say, everyone was pissed, site staff included.
The Uncanny Valley
Buckle up, 2013's dwellers - your favourite dickheads are back. The fifth year anniversary movie is cumming hard and it's going to be called The Uncanny Valley. It is supposed to be an anthology, mostly centered around Skyrim and that early 90's Les Visiteurs movie. No comment, at least for now - new parts of the movie are still coming ashore, so we will get back to you as soon as we'll watch this piece of art. Spoilers: it's shit. First episode is a rip off of a Dexter's Laboratory episode with a misanthropic ending, the second is a lolcat apreciation video with a "plot" strapped to it, the third is a manual on how to be a Channel Awesome tard, the fourth is a documentary about two lonely britfags who accidently go on a gay date - because that's so original -, and the last is a no-bullying video.
