Lana Del Rey
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Lana Del Rey is an animatronic RealDoll that has been programmed to sing and generate indie buzz.
Creation
The Lana Del Rey real doll was a project of domain squatter and bazillionaire Robert Grant. He poured his riches into the project that would become one of the first animatronic pop stars, certainly the first which was a fully functional sex toy. He hired some of the industry's best songwriters as well as Disney's Imagineering department and RealDoll manufacturer Abyss Creations to develop Lana Del Rey. Grant had envisioned a pop star that would not only fulfill the typical archetype of an attractive, anencephalic pop star, but also one that could appeal to the vibrant shut-in community of RealDoll owners.
Saturday Night Live
On January 14, 2012, the doll was activated for the first time and became the first inanimate object to be a musical guest on Saturday Night Live.
Backlash
Many Christian bible-thumpers protested about having a live sex doll on television, but most criticism was directed at its performance. Almost immediately, the doll's musical program began to malfunction. Analysts believe this may have been due to its new lip implants, which were so large they rendered its mouth nearly inoperable. The mouth was coincidentally also where the sound was produced on the doll. Brian Williams, a handsome man with a pretty voice who reads the news to you, expressed his opinion by calling this performance "the worst SNL performance evar."
Album
Despite its many critics, the Lana Del Rey real doll proved to be a success. Her debut album "Born to Die" sold many copies upon release. By that time, the Lana Del Rey brand had long since been shunned by the indie critics who had championed the doll at first. Pitchfork, the blog of an indie cult with many members, was forced to fall on its own sword, and pan the album of an artist it had already buzzed.
Fanbase
In a development likely anticipated by its Imagineers, the Lana Del Rey doll has created a pathetic fanbase that weeps in its presence. She represents an archetype of anencephalic beauty that is so awesome that it causes the viewer to question his or her own utterly pointless indie existence.
See Also
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Lana Del Rey is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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Lana Del Rey is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |
