Baby Jesus: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Fontanini_Baby_Jesus.jpg|thumb|Lies make Baby Jesus cry]] | |||
[[Image:Baby Jesus butt plug.jpg|thumb|Baby Jesus working for [[you]].]] | |||
'''Baby Jesus''' was a member of an Jew shat out in [[Area 51|Bethlehem]], [[Georgia, USA]]. This event was most accurately depicted in the 1995 movie "Species". The most likely candidate for the [[father]] was [[Joe Jonas|Joseph]], a 31 year old [[lazy|unemployed]] [[neckbeard]] with [[my tiny dick|micropenis]]. Upon his denial that the [[Glenn Beck|child]] was his, [[teen mothers|Mary]] forced him to appear on [[Maury]] and take a DNA test to find out once and for all if the black person was his. | |||
He never cries, save for when people [[fap|masturbate]]. To make Baby Jesus cry is [[Gg|almost as awesome as winning the internet]], but many people love doing it anyway. Christians love to make him cry, and then repent by [[money|buying]] him some [[prostatot]]s. This shows that [[Christian]]s are indeed [[pedo]]s, because it is documented in [[The Bible|Their "Holy Grail"]] that he grew from an infant to an [[adult]]. | |||
The [[lulz]] ensues when you and your [[Nigger|"colored" friends]] steal the Baby Jesus from peoples' [[Christmas]] decor and strap him to the hood of your car. However, this is becoming difficult with [http://www.engadget.com/2008/12/03/baby-jesus-and-co-get-free-gps-devices-this-holiday-season/ the advent of new technology]. | |||
== The Euphemism == | |||
'Baby Jesus' is also frequently used as a way for poor, white trash [[Christian|fundies]] to tell their kids not to buttrape their neighbors in the trailer park. Shitting in one's nest is not something baby Jesus would do (contrary to adult Jesus; see: [[Jesus]]). | |||
==Big Baby Jesus== | |||
The true Second Coming of Christ, he [[An_hero|performed a resurrection miracle]] just two days before his 36th Chamber. | |||
[[Image:Bigbabyjesus.jpg]] | |||
<youtube>nX3ZPcA4tjQ</youtube> | |||
==Not to be confused with...== | |||
* [[Jesus|Adult Jesus]], who gave his life for mankind in order to stop the evil robots from destroying Zion, who in turn refuse to believe what he said. | |||
* [[Your mom]] | |||
==[[O RLY|Baby Jesus Laughs When You...]]== | |||
*Kill a rapist | |||
*Tell a [[funny|Jew joke]] because he knows its funny to laugh at oneself | |||
*[[lolwut|OFFER YOUR SINS TO HIM IN RECONCILIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]] | |||
*[[Guitar Hero|SHOUT AT THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]] | |||
*[[unfunny|Holy stuff, etc.]] | |||
*Become a rapist | |||
[[Category:People]] | |||
[[Category:Memes]] | |||
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]] | |||
{{crapstub}} | |||
Revision as of 14:10, 1 May 2022
Baby Jesus was a member of an Jew shat out in Bethlehem, Georgia, USA. This event was most accurately depicted in the 1995 movie "Species". The most likely candidate for the father was Joseph, a 31 year old unemployed neckbeard with micropenis. Upon his denial that the child was his, Mary forced him to appear on Maury and take a DNA test to find out once and for all if the black person was his.
He never cries, save for when people masturbate. To make Baby Jesus cry is almost as awesome as winning the internet, but many people love doing it anyway. Christians love to make him cry, and then repent by buying him some prostatots. This shows that Christians are indeed pedos, because it is documented in Their "Holy Grail" that he grew from an infant to an adult.
The lulz ensues when you and your "colored" friends steal the Baby Jesus from peoples' Christmas decor and strap him to the hood of your car. However, this is becoming difficult with the advent of new technology.
The Euphemism
'Baby Jesus' is also frequently used as a way for poor, white trash fundies to tell their kids not to buttrape their neighbors in the trailer park. Shitting in one's nest is not something baby Jesus would do (contrary to adult Jesus; see: Jesus).
Big Baby Jesus
The true Second Coming of Christ, he performed a resurrection miracle just two days before his 36th Chamber.
Not to be confused with...
- Adult Jesus, who gave his life for mankind in order to stop the evil robots from destroying Zion, who in turn refuse to believe what he said.
- Your mom
Baby Jesus Laughs When You...
- Kill a rapist
- Tell a Jew joke because he knows its funny to laugh at oneself
- OFFER YOUR SINS TO HIM IN RECONCILIATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- SHOUT AT THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Holy stuff, etc.
- Become a rapist
