W. T. Snacks/How the Snacks Stole Christmas

<W. T. Snacks

Amirite?

This shit's so damn long we're just gonna stick random unused images here.

Gay

Money bears

Manifest destiny

this kid is okay.

“	This is seriously the only image that came up on a Google search for "Why do you hate America"	„
—Ghostlight

It's beautiful

Not an unused image, but always hilarious

In Canada, milk comes in bags.

God damn is this still going?

Every Weaboo down in Weaboo-ville Liked camwhores a lot...
But the W.T. Snacks, Who lived just North of Weaboo-ville, Did NOT!

The WT Snacks hated camwhores! The whole camwhore season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his PENIS was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, his dick or his shoes,
He stood there on Midnight Snacks, hating the Weaboos,
Staring down from his radio, while music he'd mix
At the flash-bulb lit mirrors in their camwhoring pics.
For he knew every Weaboo down in Weaboo-ville below
Was busy now, shouting, "TITS OR GTFO."

"And they're posting their Togi-chan!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is 5 mil GET! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his WT Snacks fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep camwhores from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Weaboo boys posting IN ALL CAPS
Would wake up bright and early. They'd start posting their traps!
And then! Oh, the fags! Oh, the fags! Fags! Fags! Fags!
That's one thing he hated! The FAGS! FAGS! FAGS! FAGS!

Then the Weaboos, young and old, would post in a sticky. And they'd post!
And they'd post! And they'd POST! POST! POST! POST!
They would start with holy freaking crap, and copypastaing dumb shit
Which was something the WT Snacks couldn't stand, even one bit.

And THEN, they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Weaboo down in Weaboo-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with harbls all stiff
They'd stand with balls touching, and the Weaboos would start to yiff!
They'd yiff! And they'd yiff! AND they'd YIFF! YIFF! YIFF! YIFF!

And the more the WT Snacks thought of the Weaboo-furry-yiffing
The more the WT Snacks thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Furry Friday from coming!... But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE WT SNACKS GOT A WONDERFUL, SOMETHING AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The WT Snacks laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Renamon hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What great Snacksy tricks!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like those dicks!"

"All I need is a fursona..." The WT Snacks looked around.
But since he wasn't a furfag, there was naught to be found.
Did that stop the old WT Snacks...? No! The WT Snacks simply said,
"If I can't act like a furry, I'll find one instead!"
So he found Sage Freehaven, who had started a thread
And he wrote with red letters, "BANNED" on his head.

Then, someone uploaded some furry, and CP to boot
So WT Snacks ran off to tell Doug.

Then Doug had no choice, and started to ban,
And WT Snacks shouted, "Party van!"

All their threads were gone. (Marked for deletion, old).
All the Weaboos kept posting, who hadn't been told,
WT Snacks sat alone at his computer. "This is phase number one," The old WT Snacks hissed
And he logged in to the server, to find the ban list.

Then he saved the list, and covered his tracks,
If hackers could do it, then so could WT Snacks.
He got MySQL error only once, for a moment or two.
And he thought to himself, about what he planned to do.
Where the little Weaboo furries all hung out, fappers in tow.
"These furries," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unnerving,
And banned people at random, even those undeserving!
For CP! And traps Invasions of forum!
Racist cartoons! Politics! Commenting on a sticky's decorum!
And he banned them in droves. Then the WT Snacks, very nimbly,
Perma-banned all the furries, one by one. Wilford Brimley!

Then he slunk to the site directory. He deleted some boards!
He deleted the /h/entai, upsetting the hordes!
He cleaned out that website, he even got /f/lash.
Why, that WT Snacks even put /d/ in the trash!

Then he spammed all the boards, and lagged them, with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the WT Snacks, "I will fag up the /b/!"

And the WT Snacks altered the /b/, and he started to shove
Annoying music and backgrounds in, all of the above.
But he turned around fast, and he saw a small Weaboo!
Little Cindy-Lou Doug, be the little girl, he had wanted to screw.

The WT Snacks had been caught by this little Weaboo fag
The one normally responsible for the server's bad lag.
She stared at the WT Snacks and said, "Snacks, why,
"Why are you destroying our /b/? WHY?"

But, you know, that old WT Snacks was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the WT Snacks lied,
"There's a thread on this board that's out of line on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou Doug went to bed with her cup,
He went to the control panel and fucked the /b/ up!

Then the last thing he did as 4chan's esquire
Was blame it on Anonymous Mod, the old liar.
On their boards he left nothing at all. He killed it with fire!

And the one speck of hentai that he left on the servers
Was a thumbnail that was even too small for /h/ perverts.
Then, he did the same thing, to the other Weaboo *chans
Leaving thumbnails much too small for the other Weaboos' plans!

It was quarter past dawn... All the Weaboos, still a-bed
All the Weaboos, still a-snooze, when he sighed, cradling his head,
He had deleted their torrents! The pictures! The trappings!
The fags! And the furries! He had put a stop to their fappings!

Three million posts up! Up the post count of /b/,
He deleted it all, it was up there to see!
"Pooh-pooh to the Weaboos!" he was Snack-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that nobody is cumming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then all the Weaboos on /b/ will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the WT Snacks, "That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the WT Snacks put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the TCP/IP.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Weaboo-ville! The WT Snacks popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Weaboo down in Weaboo-ville, the tall and the small,
Was fapping! Without any hentai at all!
He HADN'T stopped Weaboos from cumming! THEY CAME!
Somehow or other, they came just the same!

And the WT Snacks, with his Snacks-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
They came without loli! They came without rape!
"They came without tentacles, cumshots or Quistis Treipe!"
And he puzzled three hours, til his puzzler was sore.
Then the WT Snacks thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe fapping," he thought, "doesn't come from porn.
"Maybe fapping... perhaps... means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...? Well...in Weaboo-ville they say
That the WT Snack's small PENIS grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his balls didn't feel quite so tight,
He jizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the porn! And the lube for his pistol!
And he... HE HIMSELF!... WT Snacks fapped to Krystal!

See Also

• Delete fucking everything
• Ban fucking everyone