Youngstown

Youngstown used to be a nice city in Ohio until at least 100 years ago when Mike Sandy did a Doofenshmirtz and took it over, quickly driving it into the direction of becoming shithole city full of AIDS and FAIL that it has come to be known for. Some have said that before Mike Sandy, Youngstown was an Eden full of Intelect and hapiness but with his, Mike Sandy's coming it turned into the Murder Capital of the USA when he decided that Youngstown should echo his dark, Emo inner soul.

If, at any time, you're on a free-way and see a sign like this, do yourself a favor and don't stop.

This is the last thing you see before getting jumped by at least 100 niggers.

The Youngstown-Warren Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA) averages over 9,000 people, 102% of which are either nigras, Italian,or mexicans and all of whom are the 1337 haxors because they have all finished computer science 3.

It should be noted that the city has a popular saying, "If the Gangs don't kill you then the cops will," because everyone in the city is so scared of it's shadow, no one leaves their house without Kevlar on because even the cops will shoot at the slightest sound of BOO.

History

Last Thursday, Youngstown was one of the primary fleshlight and steel manufacturers in the United States. Then, after getting pwned in WWII, Japan flooded the market with Wii, black people, and shitty steel. The resulting economic butt-fuck earned Youngstown the nickname Epic Fail City. Around this time, a bunch of guidos in the mafia were running out of pasta and money and started putting drama bombs in ppls cars. This earned car bombs the nickname Youngstown-tuneups, and Youngstown itself earned several other nicknames, including Little Chicago, Murdertown USA, Yompton, and Edward J. DeBartolo's Cluster Fuck From Hell. When Lincoln Continental freed the slaves, a bunch of black people showed up looking for jobs, white women, and cheap Crack.

"And then when I get out, I will grab a sword like Maximus Meridius Demidius and as a Gladiator I will stab people in the crotch."

Seriously, this is what Youngstown looks like. Unless you strive to be homeless and addicted to crack you'll stay away

Come for the Crack, Stay because you got the AIDS.

"If you're a nigger, spic or a dago in Youngstown, Ohio you will probably spend some time here."

"A look up close. If you're smart you'll stay away."

Then, congressman Jim Traficant took some bribes and ignored some murders. He got caught, of course, and the trial was shown on national TV, humiliating the city in front of the whole country once again. Realizing the severity of the situation, local minorities began making babies and forming street gangs until Youngstown became the shining beacon of economic and political failure it is today, with most of its residents living at or below the federal poverty line.

Fun Things To Do In Youngstown

• If you're a dago guinea wop greaseball goombah you can always run around wearing Nike Jogging Suits and pretend that you're a part of the Mafia
• Get raped by niggers
• Get robbed by niggers
• Get shot by niggers
• Get AIDS from niggers
• Buy drugs from niggers
• Become a wigger and join one of the over 9,000 gangs in the area
• Masturbate
• Start a nice Heroin Habit
• Troll IRL
• Pwn noobs with the The Power 5
• Raep 16 year old girls
• Buy a camera and produce your own CP
• Go to Jail
• Drink Natural Light or Keystone
• ???
• PROFIT

What your Average Criminal Looks like in Youngstown

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Climate

Northeastern Ohio is notorious for its completely fucktarded weather patterns and persistently overcast skies. The sun only comes out twice a year in Youngstown, and meteorologists speculate that this is because god hates violent minorities almost as much as he hates teh Jews. In Youngstown, it is possible to experience all four seasons in one day.

Local weather forecasts now include drive-by shootings as well as precipitation, considering both happen equally as often and are equally predictable.

Education

Youngstown's school system is full of retards, crack babies, and teenage mothers.

Youngstown State University is full of gay homos that think the Buttfuck Institute of American Art is something to be proud of, azns that only go there for the slightly above average engineering college, and about a million inscrutable frat boys that go there only because they are too dumb to leave or too drunk to drive. It is also home to one of the most forgettable football teams in college sports history.

Emo Infestation

A famous local emo about to get railed by his boyfriend.

The 16 year old girls and 13 year old boys of Youngstown took to the emo trend of the 2000's like ducks to water, the only difference was they were slightly more androgynous than ducks and were slightly more capable of threatening suicide OL. It is not unusual to see roving packs of prepubescent scenester fucks flocking to Hot Topic at the shopping mall or standing around looking depressed at rock shows.

Most of these retards worship a local band called Another Found Self, which has an openly homosexual lead singer named Julian (or butt-plunger for short). AFS used to have a forum, but had to remove it due to constant trolling by people who found it necessary to photoshop various members of the band engaging in homoerotic acts.

Promiscuous News Reporters

Local news anchor Catherine Bosley achieved temporary internet stardom when she was caught participating in a wet t-shirt contest while on spring break in Key West, Florida in 2004. Claiming to have only done it for the lulz wasn't enough to save her job, however. Apparently proud of her strange, grapefruit-like tits, Catherine did a triple shot of tequila and the promptly sacrificed her job for the few minutes of attention she so desperately craved. Exactly three seconds later, the pictures were all over teh internets. Having been a news anchor for well over ten years, opportunities to be in front of a camera were few and far between.

She is allegedly never drinking again.

• This really gave her career a push in the right direction. Her tits, however, are pointing in opposite directions.
  This really gave her career a push in the right direction. Her tits, however, are pointing in opposite directions.
• 
  Hawt

Drugs

One of the few things Youngstown has going for it is cheap drugs.An Eight Ball of Crack averages about $70 in the city leading many conspiracy theorists to argue that the government is secretly behind the demise of Youngstown while others argue that the City of Youngstown is behind such cut throat prices because it is trying to inflate its numbers by drawing addicts into its city limits with cheap drug prices.However, you can still get fucked over if you are a retard. Enjoy the cut to shit cocaine sold to you by fat spics or niggers for $20 a bump.

Our City Can Make Yours Dissapear

In Response to Mayor Rudy Giuliani changing the New York City motto to, "Our city can kick your city's ass," in April of 1995 and the always En Vogue Motto of Chicago of, "Hey! What the fuck you looking at?" then Youngstown Mayor Patrick Ungaro decided to show how low his city's balls hung and started promoting the City of Youngstown's New Motto of, "Our City can make yours dissapear." To show that he and his city meant business, small suburbs like Forest Hills in Queens, Sea Aislle in New Jersey and Stoned Harbor in Pa suddenly dissapeared off the map and after years of FBI investigations nothing could ever be pinned on the city of Youngstown. To this day, the bigger cities like New York and Chicago remain unimpressed by this CrackHead of a city because the greatest trick Youngstown ever performed was making itself dissapear.

Summing It Up

In the over 9,000 year history of Youngstown, Ohio. The only thing the city has to show for itself are actor Ed O'Neil and a Boy Band named after it.

All you need is 5 seconds to get that it sucks

External links

• Sheriff's office If you liked any of our models on this page or if you strive to become one yourself please inquire here.
• Youngstown Website Much like the city, there's not much going on here.